First of all, you are Big Al, so that gets you points with me. It takes guts to put a mix in here these days, the talent pool is pretty impressive.
For starters, I found it interesting that you chose to keep the main vocal dry, since almost everyone else seemed to use reverb in various levels. I think the song’s brooding quality makes that a natural choice, and you went the opposite way.
I also found the lead vocal to have an indistinct quality to it. I don’t like mixes where that is made up for by pushing up the high end for “air”, but you have a little blurriness on the bottom of the voice that needs to be notched out a touch, and maybe just a little lift in the top end.
I think you did a very good job with the levels and panning, and that overall the mix is very good without being showy. You took a very good, basic song structure, and treated it as such, without adding distractions.
Thanks for posting this, it’s not perfect, but it shows a lot of promise, which is about the best I can do with my own stuff, so I feel for you.