November Songwriting challenge. Bash the demo

as per this thread----> Anyone up for a November songwriting challenge?

nice little demo. Key words…SCRATCH, ROUGH, DEMO lol

Basically I am trying to do a demo/week just to force myself to sing more. This was a real quickie since the whole song is less than 2:30.

Not a lot to bash because I wasnt too worried about the sound quality and its just one track vocals dubbed over a bounced down mp3 so its not really mixed at all

But you can bash the overall song, melody, lyrics (which r always 100% subjective lol), hook, whatever

peace, JJ

working title “the Fear” and the rhythm track was previously called ‘boogie jam 170’

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Cool tune, I bet it would be really cool with bass. I know it’s a demo, but definitely sounds like it’s lacking something without bass. I’m not sure about the verses, but the lack of bass could be the entire problem. Cool riff. That part at six seconds in reminds me of the beginning of “House of Pain” by Van Halen. The whole riff kinda sounds like something off of side B of 1984.

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Sounds like something worth finishing man! Good job! I like the feel you’re going with. Vocally, I’d probably try to break up some of the repetition of the melody, but that’d probably happen naturally as the song was coming together.
As I said, I think you have something cool here worth continuing. :+1:

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yeah, its funny because VH has been my fave band more than any other band…going back to way before I ever dreamed of actually playing music. That being said ive never really sounded like VH, or anyone else for that matter. But lately ive actually TRIED on a few tracks for that early VH feel. Im usually more laid back and behind the beat and Vh is usually rushing the beat so its not natural for me to sound like VH

There was the one u guys just listened to, then there was this aptly named rhythm track lol: “Atomic Junk”

then this past week this one came out which to me is a cross between “Light up the sky” and maybe 'Where have all the good times gone" or just a sort of angrier Vh feel with the happier verse section

Like CPF, I also thought the main riff sounded a bit like something on Van Halen 1984.
I like the main riff.
The vocal melodies are not bad. The chorus is better than the verse though.
Over all, this could be a decent tune. I’d change the verse melody and maybe add something more to the chorus.

I like what you did with the guitar chords at 1:37 - 1: 43 , just before the last chorus. I know it’s simple , but something I liked about that part.

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Got my motor runnin. Like that riff/ guitar playin a lot. Vocal good. No complaints from me. Great start

Sincerely

Paul

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I think this one is definitely worth finishing.

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I like it for the first round of recording .Tho there are some thing that need to be more developed it’s a good start (melodies, sections parts). I don’t know if it’s worth polishing more until the end of the month, but we will see. Like the challenge thing always good to push oneself, looking forward to your progress

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I doubt this one will get touched again

its nothing special lol…about an hours work as far as vocals. coming up with lyrics and melody on the spot. Thats one reason why the melody is a little bland…then again its a fast song so I dont think its one where there is going to be some wayfaring melody wandering all over the place at 170 bpm

Mainly this “challenge” is just an excuse for me to become more focused on my singing

its soooo effin’ frustrating because I know i am capable of so much more vocally. But trying to do it on ORIGINAL music is proving to be a puzzle that I cant crack yet. For instance I can mimic David Lee Roth to some degree and David Coverdale ON THEIR SONGS. But so far im finding it very hard (impossible so far) to get it to translate over to original stuff. I end up sounding NOTHING like what I know i am capable of

its almost like rock, scissors, paper. You have vocal style (Roth, Dio, Coverdale, whomever) then you have actual vocal melody, chords, beat, and lyrics. EVERY single one of those things is interdependent. All it takes is for one thing to be off and it just wont fly.

factor in a full time job and a million compromises (mics, home recording) and sometimes it gets a little fuzzy as to why im continuing on lol

And it goes 100% back to the question I asked a few weeks ago about having a CLEAR vision of what you want to be musically Do you have a CLEAR vision of what you want to be musically

Obviously I am struggling to define myself vocally. Yeah, go figure, been playing guitar for almost 30 years but singing less than 2

One thing that seems legit is to decide the vocal style FIRST. Like lets say I want to do a David Lee Roth vibe from a certain song because I feel it fits me. So I figure out the key and the basic vocal range. fine, but THEN you have to be able to WRITE something in the vein of that song so the vocal will still fit. THAT is a huge challenge. Trying to get a drum machine to sound like Alex Van Halen or Bonham? Then you have to get the guitar to have the same vibe as the song. Yep…almost impossible so it all gets lost in translation

But my ear isnt good enough yet (ever?) to really hear certain melodies and certain vocal styles in my head…so I sort of end up with more or less what I had here. Juts something average, nothing special.

and even this “song”…the feel is a basic VH feel but then for whatever reason I ended up in some vocal feel that has nothing to do with a DLR vibe. chalk it up to wanted to throw something together at 9pm I guess.

And again, back to the clear vision. There are a few VH songs that I can sing pretty well…but what are they??? lol I know them when im singing them but its not like I am focused enough to train on them or even remember them all etc. I sing them when im listening but then its on to other things
Hopefully im still improving because if I cant write GREAT stuff then I feel my whole musical voyage has been a waste

Will write something later time to go to work.

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Just because the guitar has a “general VH vibe” doesn’t mean you have to go for a VH “David Lee Roth” vibe on the vocals. Think of all the 80’s bands that copped the VH vibe with their music…, but NONE of them got the David Lee Roth vibe…Not one of them! Look at the bands of that time…Bands like White Lion, RATT, Extreme, Dokken, even Satriani…they all took the Eddie Van Halen vibe and wrote songs with that style…except none of them sounded like Van HAlen…Satriani came the closest, but most of his tunes were instrumentals. BTW, I think White Lion, Dokken and Extreme were extremely mediocre…, but I really liked all of the guitarists in those bands (George Lynch, Vitto Bratta, Nuno Bettencourt). I liked RATT a lot more than those bands because I thought they had SOME good songs…, mostly on the album “Out Of The Cellar”.

My point is, don’t consciously attempt to copy another artists style…Well, I mean, don’t go about your songwriting ALWAYS in that fashion. It can be a fun, creative exercise in songwriting to do that once in awhile, but don’t make that your “go to” methodology. You’ll still inevitably have your influences come through in your writing, but sometimes it’s good to let the chips/ influences come naturally…, from your subconscious. That way, you’re not boxing yourself into a corner of “who” you have to sound like. It would be interesting to have VH style guitar with Rob Halford vocals, Geddy Lee bass and John Bonham drums…But you don’t want to sound exactly like any of those guys, no matter how great you think they are. You can write something that none of those guys can write. The only thing that makes their songs better than yours is OPINION. This songwriting thing is all just a matter of opinion…Nothing is better than anything else. Write a bunch of songs and after you’ve posted 5 songs, I’ll listen to them all, multiple times. I’ll tell you which ones I like the most, from best to worst. The best thing you can do is to get a general consensus as to which songs of yours are keepers or mediocre filler, is to give us a few tracks to listen to and then we can tell you which ones stand above the others…Just remember though, it will be just opinions…There are no facts in involved in this. Our individual taste in music has been molded by our personal history.

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I sort of like the old saying “to break the rules, you gotta know the rules first”

VanHalen was one of my fave bands and there were certain things that showed up many times in their songs: a “loose” feel, drums and guitar usually rush the beat a bit with bass sort of holding things steady. As we speak im checking some of Daves melodies, as one might have guessed, a lot of pentatonic melodies.

So we get lots of pentatonic melodies over major or bluesy pentatonic chord changes (a few minor songs here and there)

So instantly I think of my songs and I doubt I got a pentatonic melody in my catalog lol. Ironically the verse in this htreads song is pretty much pentatonic lol…but the singing tone leaves a lot to be desired. I suppose its natural for people to generally despise their own voice

Also my phrasing just simply isnt rock phrasing as of yet. Mine tends to be more sustained notes as opposed to a more staccato rock attitude thing. I need a LOT more grit and attitude

Ratt was a great band with pretty much a sucky singer

White Lion did have some of the VH vibe but the singer was sort of opposite of DLR but they made it work.

I dont hear Dokken being anything like VH though lol. Dokkens drummer and the whole band were pretty much right ON the beat. No swing etc whereas VH was loose and swinging all over the place to the point of being almost sloppy sometimes

Extreme were a bit too preoccupied with being clever.

All those bands put together didnt have half the swagger of prime VH. I guess thats my issue too lol. A 50 yr old trying to have youthful swaggar hehe

I have purposely tried to develop my voice to this point keeping it pretty clean but now im deffo wanting to get some attitude into it which I CAN do when practicing and singing along with other stuff but ive yet to do it on my originals. cest la vie

u might think this band sucked but they had that strong groove and swaggar and DLR esque soulful singing

Another thing working against is the subject matter. As a Christian dude im not going to sing about chasing some chick or getting high. So there goes 95% of rock subject matter out the window.

Peace, JJ

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this is sort of a nice cross between VH and Randy Rhoads. I should be able to get SOMEWHERE close to this lol

This was pretty much the closest to the pure VH sound they ever got…very cool song

my music is getting close to where id like it but I gotta get the vocals in the ballpark now

recent snippet

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It said “This video not available” for “Fight To Survive” and “Hungry”.

I did see the Bulletboys video though. I used to like some of the Bulletboys stuff but I grew tired of it. Hard As A Rock was my favourite song of theirs. They weren’t a bad band , but that late 80’s, early 90’s stuff just became so generic. Everything became so much the same old, same old. At first I hated the early 90’s change to Grunge and Alternative metal but when I look back, I think we really needed a change at that time, and I’m glad it happened. Of course, there was a lot of crappy Grunge bands too,…but I got into Alice In Chains, Faith No More, Nirvana and some of The Offspring’s songs. But like you, I am a huge fan of all of the DLR era Van Halen. They were untouchable in so many ways. The greatest 80’s, late 70’s party rock band. David Lee Roth gets a lot of hate but the vocal character that he had was perfect.

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This song has a harder vibe than your other one. :+1:I think you could do something good with this.

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He has trouble viewing things because copyright is more strict in Canada. @Wicked, you didn’t list Soundgarden. They pretty much bridged the transition since I don’t really consider them grunge until their Superunknown album.

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Well I can’t lie…I still enjoy the 80’s vibe. Especially the excitement and youthful spirit. I guess there’s no way that we can completely deny the era that we grew up in.

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The first Soundgarden song I ever heard was Outshined. I recorded it on a cassette, along with some Nirvana, Extreme, Faith No More, Queensryche…and a bunch of other tunes that were happening at the time (1991/ 1992 ?). Outshined didn’t particularly excite me, so for a few years I didn’t pay much attention to Soundgarden…except some of their more popular songs. But even then, I just never was that into Soundgarden. I’m sure I’ll piss some people off with this, BUT I find Chris Cornell’s voice kind of irritating…I much preferred Alice In Chains and Nirvana…Soundgarden and Pearl Jam kind of leave me feeling …blah. There’s a few songs from both of those bands that I like but most of their tunes I don’t care for and the singing is aggravating…Eddie Vedder sounds like a damn wounded lamb. To me, “Even Flow” is their best …, or one of their very best songs. Rusty Cage is one of my favourite Soundgarden tunes, mostly just for the overall vibe. I think Stone Temple Pilots had better songs than Pearl Jam and Soundgarden…though I’m not a huge fan of them either.

Ok, now everyone is mad at me…:flushed:

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