I have been working on this for a couple weeks now. It first was going to be about likes and dislikes about other music genre’s. I then thought it might be too nasty of a sound.
Do tom toms work…did i copy another’s guitar riff…was the last verse sung wierdly…haha
I’ve had enough of you E G E Bb A E G Bb A G
Shut up and listen I got things to say E…… Bb A
Unlike… before you won’t be gettin yur way E G Bb A G
You bullied me for everything I did and what I’d say E …… Bb A
I finally got my balls back…I’m leavin your sorry ass today E G A G E
I’ve had enough of you…it’s time for me to fly A E D E chorus
You sickened me so much I couldn’t look you in the eye A D E
Over and over… I took all yur crap A E D E
One more time I’m flippin you off and I ain’t never comin back A D E…A
I’m on my own now but her angry voice keeps ringing E…. Bb A
Her face contorted walking towards me… memory still stinging E G Bb A G
Keeping busy finding friends diversions for my head E…… Bb A
Late at night… my dreams alive…with visions …of… her… dead E G A G E
I’d had enough of you…it was time for me to fly A E D E chorus
You held me down for so long I thought I’z gonna die A D E
I won’t miss you flailing arms… your syko attacks A E D E
It’s all about me now I’m gonna get my old life back A D E….A
See that woman there…who’s agrovatin
She used to be mine but I let her go
I think my life is gonna change for the better
Time will tell ya never know
I think the toms are perfect Paul. I think the vocals are just a little too low in the mix. Great tune, I did think the beginning was a mix of smoke on the water and some other song from the 70s that I can’t put my finger on.
“toms in a rock song” yeah that’s pretty standard man, no problems there. I think they work nicely, and that gritty guitar tone is great.
Could possibly work on a bit more variation between the sections whether that be dropping certain elements out or changing up the beats. It all just feels a bit ‘samey’ in places with no clear definition to the listener that a section-change has occurred. e.g heading out of the solo into V2 you could possibly drop the guitars so you’ve just got drums, bass, vocals.
EDIT:
Actually upon further listen I think you missed a big opportunity as far as a sweet vocal hook used in the bridge. I hope you don’t hate me too much Paul but I went and fucked with your tune (again) and replaced your old chorus with the much hookier bridge melody (in my humble opinion), which has given the tune an early Queens of the Stone Age vibe.
Felt like it needed a ‘four on the floor’ kick in the intro as well so I took it upon myself to fuck with that too hehe.
I’m sorry man, i couldn’t help myself but I think it’s actually a really cool tune with tons of potential.
Holy shit what a transition. Just sayin right off all my gear, including my headphones is packed away for our trip back to Michigan Wed. My wife is still sleepin so I had to play this very low. I am, as they used to say, tickled pink on what you did.
The arrangement alone completely changed the flavor and interest of this track especially use the higher singing as the chorus. I can’t even imagine how you did this and how long it took??
This track has sat for a long time without even one play and that usually tells one it has a high suck factor. Usually, you will ten or so views, but no comments.
Not bragging, I always played rhythm guitar in our band so the lead break was a lucky hammer on. ha ha
Folk here (the ones that still participate) know I am missing so many elements of song making. Several times now they have adopted a song, put it under there arm so to speak, and worked their magic. This one was done to perfection.
I am blown away and there is so much to say. In about an hour I should have some cans to listen. Thanks so much for what you have done.
Sincerely
Paul
Oh phew, glad to hear you don’t hate my hatchet job Paul haha. Hopefully it gives you some inspiration to take it a bit further. Like I say, a real cool tune with heaps of potential. I wish i could play guitar, I’d throw some down. Feels like it needs a few Josh Homme inspired stanky riffs here and there for added interest.
Now that is what a true pro can do. So glad you got involved. Sounds like a tele??
Accents are perfect and totally remove the initial boredom for sure.
Just a thought. You can take this track and make it your own. I have no aspirations for it. Get a dirty singer, and with your playing, it might be quite decent. Just a thought.
I am in a panic right now and can’t focus. I am 1,600 miles from my home sitting in Texas and a blizzard just hit up there and my power is out. I figure I have 48 hours before my house with hydronic heat freezes. I will have to get my 1936 allis chalmers dozer out to clear my 500 foot driveway.
Looks like 16 inches of snow so the power will not be quickly restored. should be home about noonish Friday. I usually drive 16 hours the first day starting a 4 am
I will get back to you as soon as I get my shit together in michigan. thanks much
Almost haha, nah used my Les Paul, a very dusty Les Paul at that.
Just adds a bit of variation I guess. Like I mentioned, I was getting a real Josh Homme vibe from the chorus vocal melody so decided to go with an Octav pedal, which he’s known to use quite a bit.
Yeah I think you’re right, with a bit of reworking you could have a real gem here. I gotta say, I’ve had your bridge melody (new chorus) stuck in my head for days, it’s got a real earworm quality about it that’s for sure.
We’ll see how things work out down the track. If i get any inspiration I’ll be sure to run it by you and get your thoughts.
EDIT:
So I spent the morning playing around with some guitars for the verses and some drums to tie things together. I wanted to retain the essence of your opening guitar riff, but really had to make one tiny change where you descend down form A# to A. It was just a little too deep into the purple if you know what i mean wink wink, so I just switched the notes around climbed up from the A to A# which got us out of that ‘smokey water’ territory.
Decided to sit on the up-beat with the guitars through the verse which seemed to add a bit more interest and groove.
Here’s a little snippet of what I ended up with.
Damn Paul, sounds like a freaking nightmare scenario, hope it all works out for the best. Take care brother.
Sitting in a hotel room completely shot. We started driving at 3 am and got here at 8pm traveling 1,150 miles. Only 5.5 home now. Can’t wait to work on this. Many chores first tho. Yeah the smoke on the water is very evident. I always think when I theft like that the youngens will never know. I’ll check in later…yur the best
[quote=“terryhesticles, post:8, topic:6727”]
Here’s a little snippet of what I ended up with.
[/quote]Holy crap that is downright sexy man. You have some big time talent bud. I could put some real pissed off stank in that vocal. That was a one take experiment.
I did a song called creepy clown a while back. Might have you listen to that for a potential snarl replacement.
Anyhow, I am home and exhausted. Found a few problems with the house I have to fix (priorities) before I dig in. I just copied the tracks and put them on a jump drive.
talk to ya when I get my brain back
Kinda felt the 1/2 bar diamonds on the opening guitars were a little too abrupt so stretched them out to a whole bar, redid the left side intro gat, and did some more work on the chorus drum accents. They really fit with the vocal hook now.
Wild man. I’m not sure I even wanna mess with this at all. I simply can’t do anything like it.
I can’t even imagine how you can just scoop out a vocal and make that work.
I wish I was maybe even ten years younger.
I tell you what, if you take this out to the end, I will send you some decent buck for your time. Also, because you are likin on it, please consider making it all your own.
That is what it is now anyway. Can you sing? Let er rip bud.
I was just thinking, I wonder if there are folks like you that take basic track and make them shine for a paying hobby??
Here is that creepy clown voice from that I made a couple of years ago
Fl Studio has now incorporated stem separation technology into the latest version so i just extracted with that tool. It’s not ideal, and they really should be done again clean, but it’s more than enough as a rough guide.
Nah it’s all good. It’s a nice bit of therapy while I’m healing, and a great excuse to make some music, it’s been waaay too long.
I can sing out of necessity, but would definitely prefer not to, hence the reason I usually outsource my vocal work. The vocals really can make or break a song, and in that regard I’m not really up to par.
Haha, yeah, they’re called ‘producers’ and they charge lots and lots I’ll do it just for the enjoyment
That is awesome Paul, that style of delivery through the verses might work really well. Love it!
Did a bit more writing today and managed to lay down new guitar parts (solo, V2,Ch-2) up to (but not including) the bridge, so it’s just the bridge and outro/chorus to go.
I think it’s coming together pretty nicely tbh.
Hi Terry. Where do you live anyway. I notice your kitty seldom at US times. haha
For the time you are putting into this I hope it has been a healing sorta therapy.
Holy shit initially comes to mind. I say that with each upgrade. Your creativity and axe shredding are unreal.
Being a demo at first, I remember the solo area of the song and was going to just say this is the solo area before playing that lame part.
Just that intro in the first 22 seconds really pulls you in. That solo is perfect full stop.
To think I just through this together in one quick session, and now you have brought this to an unbelievable level. Blows my mind, or what’s left of it.
I have an older version studio one 2.5 here in Michigan and version 5 in texas. tried for many hours yesterday to get version five loaded on this computer (and the better interface with no success.
I might just use it as is. I would like to sing that again. Not sure how that would work for you.
Last thing is, I really would like to pay you. I have plenty on money now that I am almost dead. I have been used to doing everything myself. built this home from scratch etc ttyl
Hey Paul, yeah man I’m a future man based down in South Australia, hence the misalignment in operating hours
It REALLY has to be honest mate, I think i mentioned i hadn’t picked up a guitar since around Oct of last year, maybe even earlier so this injury was a bit of a blessing in disguise tbh.
It’s been a lot of fun working on this.
I’m really glad you’re diggin’ it.
Yeah cool, lets see how it works out, I can give you a voxless version up until the bridge if that helps but unfortunately I haven’t written anymore drums or bass beyond that. I might be able to possibly cobble together a rough final arrangement.
It’s all good man, I wouldn’t really feel comfortable taking money for this, especially since I pretty much just inserted myself into the tune, unsolicited
If you DID want to throw a few bucks at the tune to help really take it over the finish line, we could always look at using some session guys to fill in the blanks on different parts, (drums, bass, vox).
Let’s get the demo finished and go from there and see if it’s even worth taking to the next step.
Thanks for letting me jump on board with this one Feak, it’s been cool.
Did a quick slap together job and took the track to completion, not too sure about the bridge section yet, but time will sort that out. At least you can go ahead and play round with some fresh vocals if you need to
Excuse that vocal sample in the intro, that’s just me fucking about, but something similar would be cool.
Glad you put your ironman stamp on this. It sounds perfect I downloaded the full track, but when I tried to download just the mix, it said download blocked ? I’ll try again later. What a freakin blast this has been. First time I sat back and let someone else take the helm.
You know this is your song entirely don’t you? So I had a few chords and an average vocal. The total treatment was everything here.
I can’t hear the vocal in many areas, but with that said, I have been told many times that my vocals are way too up front. I do have hearing loss in that range. Twenty years in a rock and roll band. ha ha
I sang it over again today. Going from my shure 58 to my AKG 414. What a difference, but almost too clear.
Can’t wait to download the mix less the vox and start messin with it, but my gut tells me I am not going to touch much.
As I listened to the final mix, I couldn’t help thinking that you must have some very cool tracks that, over time, should have been highly recognized ??
Also it is very strange nobody else has commented in any way about this collab??
I think because all my activity here over the years. they are tired of “that old fool”
Good evening
Haha no way man, I just added a bit of special sauce. To be honest if it weren’t for that cool vocal melody you used in the bridge I probably wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble. That hook was ALL you.
Hmm, that’s a bummer. Let me know if you’re still having problems and I’ll redo the upload.
Hey just a thought Paul, because i went and chopped your lyrics that we’re now using for the chorus, obviously I just copy/pasted that one line “See that woman over there who’s aggravating” and used twice.
Do you think it would make sense to add a slight variation to the second time through, to maybe say “See that woman over there , so irritating” or something like that. Just a thought.
Cheers man.
wow I had the same thoughts of some different words there. If you think of something else let me know…cheers pt 2
edit…the voiceless track just downloaded
edit 2 quick thought
See that woman over there… she’s still hate’n
She’s found another fella gonna shred him too
My life has already changed for the betta
Never again…will I be lookin at you
but I think it’s actually a really cool tune with tons of potential.
I’ll do it just for the enjoyment
I downloaded the full track, but when I tried to download just the mix, it said download blocked ? I’ll try again later. What a freakin blast this has been. First time I sat back and let someone else take the helm.