Yeah I’m not sure if a complete rewrite would be the go, those original lines fit really nicely and pretty much form the basis of the entire hook that i constructed all the new elements around. I especially like the idea of the “see that woman over there” repeating as the chorus progresses.
It just felt like a very slight variation of a couple of words leading onto the " I think my life is gonna change" line was needed to help keep things fresh.
Not to start making things confusing but it felt like chorus 2 was dragging a little too much heading into the bridge so I cut a couple of bars out.
It feels a lot more to the point now. AND it’s under 3 minutes, amazing!
hi again I’m not sure what words to change. I just spurted them out early on.
See that woman there…who’s agrovatin
She used to be mine but I let her go
I think my life is gonna change for the better
Time will tell ya never know
the “who’s agrovatin” is lame for sure and the “I think my life is gonna change for the better” I remember as clumsy to sing. I also remember shifting a few words to make it flow better.
If you can, tell me what words work and what don’t . What a pest I am for sure.
see that woman over there. she is crazy
she used to be mine, but I let her go
see that woman over there so nauseating
I have been a victim of her evil shit show ha ha
Yeah that’s good Paul
What do you reckon about, (just to fill out the extra syllable) using this for the first line?
‘see that woman over there… intoxicated’.
That is perfect especially when she has the rep for going all bipolar and attacking
It rolls off the tongue so smoothly. ha ha Great thought ole boy.
I tried singing with it today. I had to use your drum pattern because I didn’t have the right bpm’s. I usually leave a click track run for timing. This final chorus will be a big help.
I have to try again now to sing this. I just didn’t have the attitude this morning. I wish I knew someone who has “that voice” to fit this theme.
A dude named Bob, on this forum, has a great voice for this, but I haven’t seen him around much anymore.
Also I have used a guitar app in studio one called ampire to make the vox nasty, but without much success Would be nice to have an app to put a little grit in there??
ttyl
Just do what you can Paul, like i say if we can lock in the basic vocal melodies, delivery and overall attitude, it won’t be hard to hand it off to a top level session pro. I know a few REALLY good guys that could blast this track into the stratosphere. Not that i’m saying that I don’t like your voice or anything, but as you know, a pro vocal can definitely elevate a track to the next level.
Once this is sorta done, I will post this on my taxi forum and see what happens there.
this might be that final chorus??
see that woman over there intoxicated
she used to be mine, but I let her go
see that woman over there so nauseating
Sianara whacko lady end of your evil shit show ha ha
Handing it off to finalize is a great idea, but the lyrics have to be top notch. I think they could be better written. Gotta think about that.
Not many talk about it, but the break up rate/divorce is almost 60% so many can relate.
Man, I think you’re almost there, what do you think about this for the closing line in the chorus
‘Sionara crazy lady, never more to suffer at your hands’
Like I said earlier, I’m not a vocalist but i think I’ve managed to convey the idea.
loved yur vocal. lots of personality there especially the yeah at the end. You could do this. I think you should sing this just for just a little fun even if you don’t like your singing. It needs to be kick ass. I am 75, and well you know!! Your suggested last line but doesn’t rhyme. But with that said, I am so hung up on rhyming everything, I get very limited in direction. I use rhymezone.
btw, i have been married 55 years…my wife read the lyrics and said WTF
Haha, I was channeling my inner Mike Patton on that one.
Yeah no probs, I can do a run through, just so we have a bit of a guide to give to the ACTUAL vocalist.
Yeah, I wouldn’t get too hung up on things having to always rhyme, I don’t think it detracts from the message, or the vibe, and feels a little more contemporary. You don’t hear a lot of rhyming lyrics in rock these days tbh.
Haha, nice one. I just feel in this day and age marriage is used as a crutch, and a (misguided) solution to help repair a broken relationship. Far too many getting married for all the wrong reasons, hence the insane rate of divorce.
Well that was fun. The drums sound live. like the snare pop. All drums slightly loud in the mix in my old humble opinion. My vox in a few spots low, but I know there is a fix for that commin.
Love the ironman in the intro, but not sure if fits??? Gets the juices going with anticipation. Like to hear something similar but not an already used phraze?? Nothing in this brain to match the song’s direction. Yes, what a ride this has been.
Speaking of ride, are there any ride cymbals accompanying the lead break??
Being a spectator now, I kinda like my position. ha ha
Hey Paul, yeah this things kinda taken on a life of it’s own, it’s bigger than both of us at at this point haha. Yep those drums will be loud, this isn’t a mix, in fact there’s no processing , it’s just a rough stereo bounce, so it only gets better from here on out.
We might have to find ourselves a good mixer to take on the project, you know anyone?
ok gotcha. Out of the 150 or so songs I have made, I have never really tried to take them to the “next level”. So no I don’t know any hireable mix masters. I will say Andy and Michelle have the best tools and feel about recording.
I had heard once that Spotify gets like 5,000 new songs a day. so ones chances arent too good. My wife doesn’t take me to bingo anymore just cuz I said there were 25 games and 300 people in here. ha ha
Someone asked me once what I got out of this music mania. I told him, I compare it like going in to whore house…you do it to please yourself.
Haha ain’t that the truth. If you’re doing it to try and please someone else you’re in for for a world of heartache.
I wouldn’t be too worried about getting plays on Spotify, this really just comes down to personal satisfaction and having and end product to be truly proud of.
Got all the drum tracks in and did a rough balance and eq. No compression or additional processing/effects at this stage.
You can really hear the nuance of his playing, with the ghost notes on the snare, and his room sounds really nice.
Yeah, this is really good. I’m not sure with these old ears if the kick could come up a bit. Will have to hear it the song later on.
Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping??? ha ha
ps I wrote and have started another song last night. Looks like it will be fun. Not normal to have my lyrics thought through before starting???
And yeah, I agree here, it’s amusing but doesn’t add much, and has zero to do with the overall theme. I tried to come up with something similar but I was drawing big fat blanks. Even turned to your friend Rhymezone, but there’s sweet fuck all that rhymes with ‘iron’ haha
Yeah, had the drums come in so had to check them out and approve them. As they saying goes, there will be plenty of time for sleeping when I’m dead.
Are we hogging forum space or what??? Yeah rhymezone, I don’t think will do two words. There is an option for phrase tho.
eliminate her or eliminator…ditchin her…ditchin that bitch…breaking free…cut her loose…dumping her…lighten my load…off with you…I’m back…
I’ll think more tonight
The song I made is sap city that old folks would enjoy. Kinda embarrassing to post.
Grandpa capo 2 small case indicate notes sang
Tell a tale from long ago fmaj7 cmaj7 ededca
tell me somethin bout you fmaj7 cmaj7 edeag (granddaugher)
Grandpa please what was it like edeeeag
When you were 10 years old G…… C dddef
de Am d Em b b bc F c c b E
We’d walk to school…no car ride there…then played till nightfall came
a c c b c d c d d c b a
Hide and seek kick the can or sometimes made up games F G….Am
a a b b b b c c d c b
Hammer nails and boxcar wood we’d build our rugged camps Am Em F E
a b c c b c d b d d d c b a
Music mixers came along…but we were too shy to dance F G….Am
Were you happy with no I phone fmaj7 cmaj7
Could you walk at night alone
Grandpa how’d you find things with no internet (granddaugher)
Did you have lights in your home G……C
Life back then.felt simple and free…seldom any crime Am Em F E
Passing folks would smile at you …sometimes toss a dime F G… Am
The tempo was slow motion…with world war two behind Am Em F E
I wish I… could take you back…to that place in time F G…. Am
Thank you grampa for your story… A perfect place for me F C G C
Got nuthin simple in my life …but I’ll do alright you’ll see F C G
Going back sounds wonderful…my friends would all agree F C G C
I’m gonna make a difference… I’ve pledged on bended knee F C G C
No it’s just called ‘participation’ and I’m making up for quite an extended absence. And it might be another 6 months before i’m back making music now that things are healing up so I’m just making the most of the time I’ve got.
Here’s an updated version with fresh bass guitar added. Very gritty, but oh so tasty.
Ya plant a seed and watch it grow. This might be one of the best I have heard anywhere. The snarl on that bass is so perfect for the subject matter.
Except for the quiet part, this track could now be an instrumental for some kinda action movie.
It has to be exciting for you coming out of your doldrum. It sucks to have to waIit.
I am going to get carpal tunnel surgery on both hands, but dreading the down time.
Just after this much typing, they are numb.
Has the singer tried this yet. It will be a make or break IMHO?
It is going to be a sad day when this is done. No daily correspondence. shit
There used to be many chirping daily. lead on Mc Duff, it sounds fantastic.
Oh man, that’s a terrible condition. I used to shear sheep in another life and would to get severe carpal tunnel but thankfully it isn’t too much of a problem these days.
It’s gonna be a bit of down time for sure, but you’ll be a new man on the other side of it.
He tracking them as we speak, he reached out yesterday for a voxless backing track. I have a feeling they’re gonna come out great. I realized after listening back to the voxless version while reading along to the lyrics that the “Sionara crazy lady” line doesn’t fit over the last 2 choruses so it will be interesting to see what he comes up with there.
I guess we’re gonna find out.
Yeah it’s been great hanging again.
My biggest problem Feak is that when I immerse myself in a project, whether that be writing or mixing I jump in with both feet to the point where it becomes all-consuming (borderline obsessive compulsive) and I tend to neglect my day to day work commitments, so as a consequence I have to completely remove myself from working on any music creation activities simply so I can get my day jobs done. Kinda sucks, would be nice to juggle both work and music in harmony.
