ill throw out some of the random thoughts that came while I listened
at first it seemed really “small” with the guitar before the vocal entered. Then the vocal entered pretty big…so to me that first guitar is a bit too small. The vocal was a bit “large” when it entered IMO (only because the first guitar part was too small)
Essentially, I basically never understood even 5 words of what was being sung lol. Maybe im getting old and deaf. I understand there is a trade off between perfect diction and singability, but to me this one erred too far on the whole “I aint gonna bother shaping anythng with my mouth” side of the coin.
I kept waiting for the song to really kick in but it never did. I was waiting for like maybe some more orchestration or build up or background vocals or something. from that regard id say its like 70% done.
To my ears, since its hard to understand the words and the song never really “kicks” in…I couldnt tell you what the chorus is or what the song is about.
The sounds that are there are pretty good. The vocal tone itself is good (excepting of course what i said about diction)
The overall feel is pretty cool and laid back. I could see it as an album closer or maybe like they used to do back in the album days, song 5 on the first side of the album to give a break before hitting it hard again on side 2.
Id say its about 70% done. Like to hear some added build to it. I could hear some spacey Hendrixy sort of clean stratty fills, or some string orchestration, or maybe distant echoey vocals built up, or some percussion here and there