Hi,
here is my last original song played, sang, and recorded/mixed at home.
I’d like to know :
As usual, bash it as hard as you want.
TX
MOA22
I love this.
Nice work!
ill throw out some of the random thoughts that came while I listened
at first it seemed really “small” with the guitar before the vocal entered. Then the vocal entered pretty big…so to me that first guitar is a bit too small. The vocal was a bit “large” when it entered IMO (only because the first guitar part was too small)
Essentially, I basically never understood even 5 words of what was being sung lol. Maybe im getting old and deaf. I understand there is a trade off between perfect diction and singability, but to me this one erred too far on the whole “I aint gonna bother shaping anythng with my mouth” side of the coin.
I kept waiting for the song to really kick in but it never did. I was waiting for like maybe some more orchestration or build up or background vocals or something. from that regard id say its like 70% done.
To my ears, since its hard to understand the words and the song never really “kicks” in…I couldnt tell you what the chorus is or what the song is about.
The sounds that are there are pretty good. The vocal tone itself is good (excepting of course what i said about diction)
The overall feel is pretty cool and laid back. I could see it as an album closer or maybe like they used to do back in the album days, song 5 on the first side of the album to give a break before hitting it hard again on side 2.
Id say its about 70% done. Like to hear some added build to it. I could hear some spacey Hendrixy sort of clean stratty fills, or some string orchestration, or maybe distant echoey vocals built up, or some percussion here and there
Peace, JJ
Like JJ i am waiting for the song to kick it up a notch and then i realized that that is the point. I think it is supposed to be laid back. Nicely done. thanks for sharing.
thats why I mention a possible context in an “album” (yes, im old)
for instance the Layla album is a long snarling mess of guitars etc etc but it does have a nice wind down song “Thorn Tree in the Garden”
ok
the fact is : I am french (nobody’s perfect) and not really ok with my english
The song is never in your face, and i assume it totally BC i wanted tiny, smooth, gentle little and simple song.
I use to rock far more…
To mention it as a part of an album is cool, it is my vision.
Thanks for the feedback
I was only mentioning the diction because it stood out to me. In some ways its neither here nor there. Some of the best rock songs ever are impossible to understand as far as the actual words. I just pointed it out in case you werent aware
I promise u sing better in English than I would in French!
check this song by one of my fave bands. Good luck deciphering the words!
heard this French guy recently, pretty cool voice
Mmm lovely vibe to this, sweet sexy and quite lush, almost-but-not-quite slushy… really like the melody shifts and turns, it’'s hard not to move and drift while listening to this. At first I wondered whether the vocal was just a touch too loud but on next listens I think it works well. Listening through infinity speakers - it’s a warm summer’s day here and the music fits in with this very well!!
Moa22,
Very impressive. It’s always good to hear what someone else’s “good idea of a mix” sounds like, and I’d like to say that this is indeed a good mix in my opinion. Real hard for me to find a flaw to bash. Idk. You did too good at this, I guess lol. Keep it up!
-J.C.
Dude this is awesome. It’s got a really cool indie/hipster vibe, but also reminds me of John Mayer a bit, and even maybe a touch of Radiohead. I just love it. To me, you nailed the sound.
I will say that the intro was a little disconcerting to me with how widely panned the guitars are. It ends up working well in the whole mix I think, but on their own, especially the one on the left, they just bothered me at first.
I also think the song ended abruptly. I thought I was listening to the bridge and then it just kind of ended. I don’t know what the song structure was. It didn’t quite take me on a journey from start to finish that I could follow along with. Can you post the lyrics? I’d like to know what the song is about. That’s the biggest area for improvement in my opinion, is the song structure, and maybe having more obvious peaks/valleys and more variation. I did feel it build a bit, but there wasn’t enough variation to really follow along.
Do you have more music? I’d like to hear it, if you have it posted somewhere.
Cant fault it, bit Neal young
I wish the vocal phrasing was a lot smoother. And the rhythmically the vocals are rushed…And I felt the vocal was unnecessarily percussive and choppy with accents on odd syllables. That song has a natural melancholy drag, but I feel you did the opposite with the vocals. I don’t like the breathiness and the choices of vowel placement either, but that’s a stylistic thing I can get over. The rhythmic issues are big for me. I would concentrate on sitting them a little further behind the beat. This isn’t something that can be time corrected. It has to do with how you feel the pulse and sub-divisions of the tempo when you’re tracking.
If your process is to lay a vocal then build production around it, I would lay a solid usable scratch vocal then go back and re-sing it after your instrumentation is built up around it. That way you can manipulate the feel of the vocal at the source.
Hey Moa, The song is ok, i thought the second intro guitar volume a little bas on one side, You could also think of finishing the song same as the intro - that would give the end closure. In some sections of the song where the guitars ended the channel seemed to go flat or just disappear - the absence of presence is evident at 1:56 for example. I agree with Jonathan to re record the main vocals after establishing the guitars that way you will have better vocal expression.
Lache pas: 
I feel honoured to read a comment from you, the star of the contest. I love your song and it was a pleasure to work on it (i even sang on it with u !!).
You’re probably right for the panning issue but if i try to automate a pan move i am afraid to lose the “natural” character of the song. And yes it ends brutally. But i wrote it like a small complaining song. Had to be short/simple for me, don’t really know why. But once again, you’re right, i should probably let more dynamics breath in it.
I have more music, but my style just had a move, was collaborating with a guy for 3 years with the sad feeling that it was maybe a waste of time.
Lyrics : (don’t bash it too hard, don’t forget I am french)
Somewhere you fall
Like a leaf in decline
So many goals
No way to stay behind
Heard a whisper
You’re almost not there
Could be more disturbed by a ghost
As the wind hurts
You are not free
As long as you have to stay good
Somehow you draw
No matter you’re blind
Son of a glow
of a bitch nevermind
Heard a whisper
same as yesterday
but it’s clearer now
taste for trouble
as long as i have to stay good…
Thanx !
Non je ne lache pas
I know that i have to improve and your advices help.
Thanx
Thanx Jonathan.
Might helps.
No I’m not going to bash the lyrics. I like them! They don’t totally make sense to me, but come to think of it a ton of my favorite songs have lyrics that I don’t understand. 
Thanks for sharing, I still really like the song.
Just a quick listen, but I love this! That said, I think the vocal comes in too loud in the beginning - or the guitar is too quiet in the intro. But yeah, this song is really good! Its got style and “swagger”. Great vocal too and nice playing.
It reminds me of something off Kerosene Hat by Cracker. Maybe this one? https://youtu.be/XxPwyMmG3Dw
Good song !! And thanx miked
Hey, I just get a listen to your song and I really enjoy the feeling, this kinda lazy playing and so on!
The snare sound, vocal tone and mixing give a very overall ambiance that I really find relaxing. Like every one is in a couch playing the same old blues because they like it.
Mixing wise, I would like something more like @miked’ suggesting song because bass guitar, low from the vocal and drums are not that separated.
I would also to add more dynamic (via automation mainly) to get the interest during the song.
For the singing, you did a pretty nice work because many french people (me included) as a very distinctive accent, very recognizable. One cliché would be singing with a hot potato in the mouth, if you know what I mean
I think a bit more of articulation and work around how english people handle “r” in each word would improve the result.
By the way, top job to me!