I hit the wall, but finished it. I did a second with Andy singing the chorus. I will keep and cherish that as well. Time to move on again. Special thanks to Dave who put me on the Breedlove acoustic.
Are you sure we’re done
Someone said you’re happy that I’ve found someone new Fmaj7 Cmaj7
Yeah she’s nice and all that stuff …I guess that’s cool
We’ve had good times but most days I’m… left feelin blue
The truth is she is just not you G….
You had your reasons I guess I will never know ….ooo oo Dm Am Pre
I’ll hold my head up never let it show C G Am………
Are you sure we’re done ya know I’ve tried to move on C G AmF
We really had it goin …so what did we do so wrong
Are you sure we’re done I’m lyin here it’s near dawn
Do you still think of me …where have you gone G C
This broken heart of mine ain’t tellin me what to do
I get that that cuz my belly feels the same way too
I can’t understand it it was just so cruel
They’re never be another one like you……
I will go on livin feelin numb in side….i will never let em see me cry DmAmC G Am
I like the verse a lot. Reminds me of ‘Magnolia’ by J.J cale (also uses Fmaj7 and Cmaj7 in the verse). The chorus could use more interesting chords: I think I understand your question! So here goes: In the third and fourth line in stead of repeating C G Am F try this: C B F E.
Change the melody a bit as well (you could go up) for a more dramatic ending of the chorus.
I’m not sure I can help with the lyrics. I have a suspicion it’s not your own story you’re telling right ? So you could make it go any way you want. I’m not so good at making up romantic stuff. Or should I say I’m not the romantic guy? The women in my life have often complained about my shortcomings when it comes to my romantic side I’m sure you’re much better equiped in that departement! But anyway I guess you could make up a story about all the things you tried to keep her and how she reacted cool or downright mean or something like that. You could let story run completely out of hand Could be fun.
Thanks for asking our advice. I’d be really interested to see what others come up with. Success!
Hi Evert. Can’t wait to try those chords. The ones I used are almost like 60’s stuff. ha ha That is why it is good to get input early in the game. i am going to try my best not to make this predictable. I lose interest fast in so many songs. (including mine)
As far as the story goes, it isn’t anything I have encountered and also not of folks I know. I sit in my lazy boy, mute the commercials, and then start singing. Those major seventh chords put me in an odd spot??
I thought as you did that the first verse creates a little interest and then the chorus sort of makes you yawn. Like, here we go again. It’s funny how easily it is to drop into an old rut.
Thanks for your detailed thoughts. It feels like I just passed my first dreaded algebra test. Now on to trig
I feel similarly as Evert does about the verse and chorus. I really like the feel of the verse but the chorus seems not as good as the verse. I only listened once but I’ll listen again later to see if I can get any good ideas for the song.
Typing as Ilisten on headphones.
Really nice guitar sounds. Acoustic DI’ed I am assuming. The bass sounds really round and full. I’m tryig to figure out if it’s me, my headphones or the mix, but is the bass slightly to the left, like maybe 25%? Not that it matters, but it just felt a little lop sided to the point where I actually thought it was the guitar that was fuller.
Man I LOVE your vocal sound, both vocally and how you produce it. It always sounds even, despite singing softly and then with a few louder words and phrases. And yo uhave this wonderful gentle yet on edge sound that suits your music so well.
From memory, I think you said your vocals have been affected since COVID, no? How has that been going? A permanent change? Whatever the case, your music, lyrics and voice all fit together and I’d happily purchase a release of your stuff.
Personally, I’d love to see this really take off, keeping it minimal liek you have for the minute or so you have supplied here, but then bring in some really resounding strings and cymbal swells, maybe some atmospheric distant, simple drums. I hear it all right as you end this demo. This could be a real heartbreaker!!!
Ha ha I tried the quote thing and messed it up again. The first part here is Daniel.
Typing as Ilisten on headphones.
Really nice guitar sounds. Acoustic DI’ed I am assuming. The bass sounds really round and full. I’m tryig to figure out if it’s me, my headphones or the mix, but is the bass slightly to the left, like maybe 25%? Not that it matters, but it just felt a little lop sided to the point where I actually thought it was the guitar that was fuller.
Man I LOVE your vocal sound, both vocally and how you produce it. It always sounds even, despite singing softly and then with a few louder words and phrases. And yo uhave this wonderful gentle yet on edge sound that suits your music so well.
From memory, I think you said your vocals have been affected since COVID, no? How has that been going? A permanent change? Whatever the case, your music, lyrics and voice all fit together and I’d happily purchase a release of your stuff.
Personally, I’d love to see this really take off, keeping it minimal liek you have for the minute or so you have supplied here, but then bring in some really resounding strings and cymbal swells, maybe some atmospheric distant, simple drums. I hear it all right as you end this demo. This could be a real heartbreaker!!!
Good stuff.
Hi Daniel Yes i have a new Breedlove (suggestion from our own Dave) and the DI makes recording much easier. I finger picked this one and have noticed the timing off a bit.
I checked the bass and it is in the middle. I used a S1 round and deep setting. I takes a bunch off of the 2-400range. You might be hearing a little of the strumming guitar. I have them 100% Land R
Thanks for the vox compliment, but in fact I am not much of a singer. Youth would be better here Covid still has an effect on me. It is still hard to breath. My wife and I are double vaxed too??
I went back this morning and got the levels a little better. I see I am now between -12 and 0. It’s a little low. Now to go back and try some things??
thanks for taking so much time on this
Sincerely
Paul
Hey Paul, I gave it another listen and what struck me this time is that the part that you call the chorus could be used as a prechorus. The momentum feels like it’s building when you go into that part but it almost sounds like it needs to shift into a higher gear even further, after that part has ended. Try some high, sustained vocal notes over the same chords and chord pattern you already have for that part. C - G - Am - F. ……but change the feel of that part with the vocal melody and vocal pattern.
I’m trying to load an audio example but for some reason it’s not recording. I’m using an iPad……maybe I’ll try to record it through the laptop.
Ok, I had to do it through Audacity because it wouldn’t work using the microphone icon that is supposed to allow the members to share live audio. Hopefully you can make out the melody and the pattern.
Ahh, I think i did the quote thang right. Your point about the now chorus doesn’t seem to be a real chorus. I actually had thought of that. I like the feel of the song you brought for the example. Now to try and erase that from my mind so I don’t do the exact notes the same. I think he might have sung that in high G, I can handle that depending on my allergy state.
I tried the example Evert gave, but the B chord was hard to work with.
I messed with the Em then the Dm7 to Em a few times and then back to Fmaj7 last night a bit. Heading upstairs to my bedroom studio and will mess with all this and see what happens.
I hope I can repay you someway for the time you have taken trying to help.
Thanks so much
Hey MrJ…how you doin by the way. I have been messing with those chords. They will fit perfectly in both examples. I feel like axe 101 tho. Ha ha I might have to strum them individually .
I am retired and should be able to put all the time I want into studio work, but I have many big projects going on. Presently gathering all un-needed scrap metal together. I have almost two tons so far. Hard hot work. I hope you are well. Thanks for the direction tips. I appreciate those who KNOW
No need to repay me, Paul. I just wanted to help you out. I hope my example gave you some ideas. My pleasure to help !
My girlfriend said to me today, “Is that your song that you were playing last night?” “I like it”.
I told her that I was recording an idea for one of the guys on “that recording forum”.
I’ll play her your song when she’s not working to get her opinion. I’m pretty sure that she’ll like it.
I would be pretty much lost without this site. Hard to find new hobbies at this age.
I came up with some lyrics and a pre-chorus that might slide in there maybe. Gonna try tomorrow morning. Then a new chorus with some punch. Might eventry some drums later on? So many way to go. that is the fun of it. Peace to you and your gal
I almost never read sheet music anymore (now I am quite rusty with that); and I never was that good at reading sheet music even after 5 years of piano lessons. And I am much better at music theory on keyboards than guitar; I never took guitar lessons. Some chords that sound good on keyboards don’t always sound good on guitar and vice versa. And I was never good at knowing what is a logical chord progression going only by music theory; I just keep experimenting until I hear something I like. Anyway, I like what you have so far! Nice melodies, audio, guitar playing and vocals! None of the Beatles can read sheet music by the way.
Oh dear…
That should have been a B-flat … No wonder it didn’t work for you. Sorry Paul, my mistake.
I think I like Johnathans ideas as well, but I don’t have a guitar within grabbibg distance. I’ll try later.
Good luck!
Doin good Not playing a whole lot of music these days or doing recording, but it’s nice to chime in threads like this when I can.
Key’d instruments tend to lend themselves to theory better. Not because keyboard based instruments (piano, b3, accordion, xylophone etc) are superior in anyway, but because the mechanical system that triggers pitch intervals is symmetrical. I know my way around a guitar fretboard pretty well, but I don’t even try and conceptualize theory on a guitar fretboard.
Haha…
That’s actually a playable progression, but maaaaaaybe not for this particular song
Reminds me of one of my favourite (early!) Beatles songs: ‘Things we said today’. The verse is basically an alternating Am, Em, then the chorus goes to C, Bb, F, Bb and back to Am Em Am. That Bb in the chorus is surprisingly beautiful in itself, but then you get the middel bit where the Am is modulate to an A major: A, D7, B, E7, A, followed by repeat with a big surprise: A, D7, B, Bb, Am . Wow !
Maybe thats an interesting new thread: “Chord progressions that just blow you away!”
I remember that song. Wasn’t it “someday when you’re dreamin” something like that. My fav beatles chord progression “if i fell in love with you” I play it for parties. How the hell they got back to Em I will never know. Will mess with this new one after my chores Hauling a few tons of extra steel to be scrapped today. take care
? So you could make it go any way you want. I’m not so good at making up romantic stuff. Or should I say I’m not the romantic guy? The women in my life have often complained about my shortcomings when it comes to my romantic side 
I’m sure you’re much better equiped in that departement! But anyway I guess you could make up a story about all the things you tried to keep her and how she reacted cool or downright mean or something like that. You could let story run completely out of hand 
Could be fun.
I think he might have sung that in high G, I can handle that depending on my allergy state.
