An acoustic story about a friend...reposted from the nutcase...me

An acoustic story about a friend...reposted from the nutcase...me
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#1

I have this younger girl friend (well you know). She fell in love with a married guy and finally got dumped. Well my mind took it from there a bit. This is a rough take on that.

I’m very sad

A little mistake It seemed like he cared
thought he would be nice… you got burned in this little ugly affair

You can crash on my couch tonight and lick your wounds
Ya need some sleep,and the morning light will be coming soon

I’m very sad, for what you’re goin thru
You’ve been my friend for such long long time
And I promise I’ll take care of you

You give the nicest hugs, I could never get tired of that
Some say a bit too long for just friends but I have to disagree
You have been the best one thing that has ever happened to me

Sooner or later I gotta face the truth that I love you more than I can say
I’ll cherish these moments keep you safe and warm
I’ll hold back a tear and watch you walk away

I’m very sad, for what for what I’m going thru
Nobody knows what’s really true
That I’d like to spend my life with you

Maybe we all should slow down.....yeah that means you too
#2

It is a very intimate song. So much so that it is almost uncomfortable to listen to in a good way. you have captured such emotion.

#3

I like it, very emotional. It’s simple and raw (both in a complimentary way). Really like the mood and feel. Is it completed or will there be any other instruments added? Personally I could picture some kind of droning viola coming in later in the track to make it extra moody, but I do like it as is too :slight_smile:

#4

Hi Eric Yes, it is a little uncomfortable. It just drones on and then the bridge doesn’t have enough note variation to keep it interesting. ha ha I can work on that.

#5

Hi Pirrie This first take is very basic. It would need a lot if I decide to pursue it. I already screwed up this morning by wiping out some pretty decent accent acoustic parts. The ones I use here are like acoustic 101. ha ha I don’t have the capability of strings, but I can see that working. I haven’t decided on percussion yet. thanks for the listen and comments

#6

The vocal choruses are perfect… its the (vocal) verses that drone on a little, try a ‘sort of pseudo harmony’ of the verse, but the next step up, to alleviate the drone (but initially staying in the minor key). Sorry, its hard for me to describe it from the overly technical point of view, Im prone to…

#7

hi Vaughan Not my best track that is for sure. I threw it together to get some feedback to determine if I should keep it or move on to another song. More words with less space would help the drone and I had so much static in the verse that I quickly deadened each trailing word that made it even worse. Just thought I had to tell the story about falling in love with a friend. We’ll see how this all shakes out. Thanks for taking the time to listen and give feedback :slight_smile:

#8

You’ve done it again! I just hopped over with some time to spare and your song has vanished…
the incredible case of the vanishing songs…
It’s like that ancient tv programme where the instructions come through and the tape then self destructs in 5 seconds with a wee plume of smoke…

#9

Hi Emma I just about have lost the excitement of making songs. bummer hope you and yours are well:)

#10

dude, you dont have to lose it… you maybe can try to work out how other people do it, if you get stuck… I was trying to give you a few clues to that end, but basically your chorus was already there, you just needed to pitch up your verse a little, to get out of the ‘bassline territory’ - evenso, now that its gone, Im starting to second guess myself a bit :slight_smile:

#11

Ach me olde buddy… I know that feeling all too well hah!!
Now, step back from the song for a day or two and let the feelings settle down. You did have a buzz when you made it and that can come back when you least expect it! And I am probably a hopeless person to motivate you out from your creative backwater coz I am always dancing around that place, I know it too well… but you are not alone in the cycle of up down and every which way. I love listening to your songs, you have a magical sparkle to your musical storytelling, a gentle melodic twist to your songs that is unique and a treasure. Take care of yourself and feed your musical spirit with whatever it needs.

Mid summer here… We don’t get the heat that our cuzzies over the ditch in Australia get, only about 30c here today, i think that’s about 90f ?? Hot enough to mean lots of watering the garden and taking the dog down to the creek to cool off. The tomatoes are ripening nicely and I’m just hanging out for the next crop of peaches… it’s a bountiful harvest… just wish my songs would wake up too, drat this silly frustrating creative process!! It lurches stumbles burps and farts along the road… Take care of yourself okay??

:scream::sunglasses::roll_eyes::beerbanger:

#12

I just popped over to hear your song, Paul. I guess I missed it. It sounds like you’re too hard on yourself and are discouraged, my friend.

FWIW, I like your stuff. Your music is about life, and the intro to this song suggests classic feaker. It’s what you do, Paul!

:slight_smile:

#13

Hi guy You were absolutely right and giving someone an honest review is simply the best. Thanks for that

#14

Hi Emma You are the best. I wasn’t that excited about the track, but I do remember saying out loud “that turned out pretty decent” After I posted it, I went right away and listened to it here to make sure it took and thought it was not so good. I don’t like songs with a ton of words, but this one needed a lot more…that or some fill accents. Anywho, nobody wants to hear a song like that anyway. I tried to make it so not predictable, but I think most would have guessed he was falling in love with her.
I finally finished my apartment in south Texas and my wife asked me in which corner I was going to put my studio. I just said I was not so sure there will be one. Going to be 70 in a couple weeks and that is wearing on me big time.
It will be -50 F in my home town tomorrow and 65 here. I have a small garden and carrots, lettuce etc is doing great. Hard to imagine ripe maters. Well I said it to my new underwear and I will say it to you…thanks for your support

#15

Ahhh… you have the post-this-backlash… the buzz of creativity then the crash of self doubt… hehe… sorry to sound possibly insensitive but it is a common cycle for me it’s just that I grit my teeth whereas you take the song down and throw stones at it. Now c’mon, enough of this age talk… you are a flaming beacon of agelessness… and you MUST have a studio corner… quick, get in there and choose one or you will regret it! True!!

#16

I think the key part of that sentence is “just about”, Paul. I didn’t get to hear this one, but I understand how us older folk (I’m 66) can write some darn good songs about real love and feel somewhat uncomfortable about the subject matter. One of my favorite songs I’ve ever written is Miles McKannon, which is an older man (me) remembering a 2 week encounter with a girl in my early 20’s. It’s like Bobby McGee recounted from a retired person’s POV. And so I realize my version has relatability issues to younger people possibly, and anyway that breeds doubts. But I still like that song regardless a lot, whereas I find most songs aren’t as good as I wished them to be for myriad reasons to the point they become historically interesting more than musically so.

And welcome to Texas, dude! I’m in Magnolia, just north of Houston. The weather’s cold here today, I couldn’t stay out in my shorts and T-shirt and flip flops more than a half an hour. So enjoy your life at 70 for what it is, take it as easy as you must, even garden! Your next song title might be Look At Those Maters. Well, that would probably not be the prudent thing to do.