This is like… a serious WTF!!!
Ok. So though I try to avoid going there these days, I was passing through Columbia and needed to reload on acoustic gtr strings. There was sort of weird lady in her later 60’s staring at me as I was browsing around the accessories department. No big deal. Maybe she recognized me from the TV channels I play piano on…or from one of the regional bands I’ve played with in the past. So when I’m at the counter to check out (and god knows GC takes forever to do this) she’s in line just infront of me and I’m like “what the hell is up with this lady?”
She turns around and starts staring at me again… Finally she says, “I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look like my son who passed away.” I thought to myself, “it makes sense now.” I felt kind of bad for thinking she was a weirdo/stalker and say “sorry to hear.” She says, "thank you… but I have a favor to ask you. I know it’s weird and I’ll understand if you don’t want to, but can you give me a hug and say “bye mama”? Inside I was like, “what the fuck??? NOooooo” but it was really awkward and I know people have different ways of getting over a death of a loved one, and I figured what’s it gonna hurt. Right? I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and as she’s leaving, the little twerp at the door who checks your receipt smiles and nods at me as she walks past. I nod back.
Then: The cashier rings up my and the total comes out to $150 for 3 packs of Elixirs and I’m like huh??? That’s $110 over what they should have cost. The cashier tells me that the total included my mom’s things. I’m like “WHAT???” She said, “your mom said you were paying for her stuff along with your things.” I told her that woman was NOT MY MOM! She said, “we’ll I saw you hug her and tell her bye mama.” I’m like OMG I can’t believe this, so I flew out of the store looking for this awful woman, ready to drag her back in the store by her hair!!! I see her hobbling out to her god damn piece of shit car and I start running towards her yelling “…where the hell do you think you’re going?!” and all sorts of other unkind things. She saw me frantically tossed her keys around in her hands trying to get in her car. In a few seconds I was right next to her. As she was just about to pull her leg in her car, I stepped on her foot and pinned it against the pavement so she couldn’t shut the door. She struggled to get away so hard to shake her foot free, that her wooden peg leg popped right off!!! I’m thinking OMG Lord!!! is this really happening right now!!! So I kicked away the wooden leg and grabbed the other leg and started pulling… just like I’m pulling yours right now!!
, you made this dumb dumb read till the bitter end. I thought I was reading the greatest story of 2018 play out right in front of me. Doh!
