While IRD was sleeping I wrote a new song about a teen runaway

While IRD was sleeping I wrote a new song about a teen runaway
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Like the Am to G back and forth thangy. The chorus just doesn’t seem to fit IMHO. Any suggestions would be great.
edit one…from Eric…brought up drums 3 db…remove bridge drums and replaced with just kick
edit two…got the guitars to ring via aaron and uses a train beat in the chorus via Andy

Runaway

Left my home…. left my fam-a-ly… I’m headin down these railroad tracks Am G
Words were said … I said most of em I’m never ever lookin back Am………

Where to go… I don’t know…gonna walk along nice and slow C G Dm Am pre
Startin on brand new life….Don’t mind being alone F G Am

I’m gonna find my way don’t know where don’t know how D chorus
Didn’t need none of them anyhow F#m
I’m gonna find my way it begins right now D
There’s gotta be a better life I will find it somehow C G

I see …a little shack…nobody’s livin there…I’ll be stayin there tonight Am G
wake up early… jump into a boxcar …just before the day’s first light Am……

got some clothes…saved me some money C G pre 2
brought along my favorite snacks Dm Am
gotta be someone some…where……… down these railroad tracks F G Am

Darkess falls the cold creeps in I can not see a thing bridge Em D
I’ll try to be brave …. what ….will the morning light bring Am C G Am…….

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once again I am blown away by the quality of your vocals. so intimate and right. I think the whole thing is sounding good. The drums are a little too far back in the mix so it is hard to know how well they are meshing with the song but I think they would work. Thanks for sharing.

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Hey thanks Eric. I will jack the drums a bit. I was wondering about that. Also don’t like the choices in EZ for the bridge…messy I use the studio one intro (rim strikes)and the EZ drummmer for the chorus and bridge. I can’t alter the S1 drums, and can tame the loud cymbals etc in EZ

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Wow, this is great stuff Paul! Really grabs the listener. Agree with Eric, outstanding vocal work, especially on the bgvox, and the drums could be more forward. Agree with you about the drums in that bridge bit, kinda odd there, but I get that you may not have a lot of options.

Well done!

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Excellent stuff, Paul! Great melodies, fantastic vocals.

I listened through once and thought: “The only thing this needs to make it perfect is a ‘train beat’”

Here yah go:

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Man you are amazing. Completely different feel. I have to get some different drums for sure. The rim shot I found under a country section? I would be better off cranking up my electronic drums. Although my timing would have to be tweaked. Feaker tweaker. ha ha
I would love it if one of our members would say. Your drums suck, I will send you a drum only track for $50 I would say yeah man, lets do this.
If the site looks like it might stay stable, I wanna start sending money. It’s kinda like when the power goes out. You feel so helpless. thanks for your time Andy

This is a really nice, pleasing song. It has sort of a dreamy vibe. Cool !

I like the way you start this song with the arpeggios on the A and G. Particularly the way you stop the notes on the G chord, instead of allowing them to sustain. :+1:

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feaker,
The stop-start nature of the intro seems odd to me, but makes more sense for me when other things kick in. Other than that, everything sounds very good to me!

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Hi Aaron It’s funny you say that about the intro. I sit in my lazy boy and I can play that near perfectly having it ring through. As soon as I sit down in the studio, I mess up. I kept a track going for a couple minutes playing that same riff . I went back and tried to find one rep that sound good and I couldn’t. I could then copy and paste. I ditched the acoustic and tried it with the PRS and it was good but sounded so out of place. anything would actually work at the intro. Keys, strings etc I thought the same as you that it is pretty lame. ha ha good catch and the best to you bud

feaker,
At this point, you might very well say you’re done working on the song, though if you added a brief amount of echo delay right before the gap; it might work? You’d have to do it with automated delay tweaks, otherwise it would be virtually impossible to do right. Might even work with just reverb. Though I’m guessing I’m probably more into delay effects than you.

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Hey aaron, I messed again with that riff that didn’t ring at all. Pulled it off this time and I put it in the mix, but didn’t post it yet. The track is kinda in flux again:) I found other problems?
That intro was nuthin short of naked. thanks much

You are welcome; good luck.

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This is a sweet composition, the “Am to G back and forth thangy” works well against those beautiful vocal melodies.
Balance-wise, I think there’s more you could do to get some more cohesiveness into the mix.
Just listening in the DAW in mono, super quiet the vocal level is just way too loud, which makes the drums feel like a background instrument, and as a result there’s no forward momentum/drive.
Have a listen back in mono, down low and you’ll see what I mean.

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