Warning, This may be offensive

The lyrics in this may be distasteful to some people, so be aware that this song is one that you might not want to listen to.

Let me know what you like about this, what you dislike, what could use changing, and any critiques. What is working and what isn’t working?

Do you think if I posted this song on social media sites like YouTube and Facebook, they would have it removed and give me a warning? Or would they do nothing? Or…, would they outright ban my account due to the lyrics? There are loads of famous songs with pretty offensive lyrics but as an unknown artist I may be at a disadvantage when it comes to having this kind of stuff being accepted on social media or mainstream media. What are your thoughts on this?

Well, I liked the music. :slightly_smiling_face:

Thanks to your warning, I was prepared. It seemed like that gratuitous shock value lyrics I mentioned before (i.e. Rap music), especially when the chorus or the song title kept repeating over and over in the beginning. Having an overall concept of the song now, it’s certainly edgy and could offend some people (or a lot of people :face_with_hand_over_mouth:), but I could at least see a story in there and an intent to convey it.

I can’t see this flying in social media or anything very public. I could be wrong. Maybe pitch it to porno movie producers?

I do like all the music and musical changes and sections/bridge/breakdowns. Too many to elaborate, but the music is really good. I don’t consider myself prudish or easily shocked, but it’s just a really explicit and probably vulgar presentation for most people’s sensibilities. Except porno producers. :wink:

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Yeah, I’m not sure how well this kind of tune will fly on social media. I suspect you’re right about that. There’s probably an extremely limited audience for this type of stuff.

This is what I tend to believe.

Thanks for your thoughts, Stan @Stan_Halen . I appreciate your point of view!

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If you might wish to post an instrument-only track, vocals removed or muted, it might be easier to critique the music. From what I could tell the instrumentation and the mix was excellent, but the vocal content was certainly a distraction from that - hard to tune out. Other forum members might be more likely to critique that as well, instruments only. Or maybe vocal levels brought way down where the vocal melody and dynamics are barely hear-able, but lyrics can’t really be explicitly heard.

Just for the exercise of critiquing the music. I understand you had a story to tell with it. There are a lot of songs I like that have sexual innuendos in them, things like Van Halen, AC/DC, and especially Jackyl (i.e. The Lumberjack Song). To the point I might feel uncomfortable if they were playing in mixed company. But they were played on mainstream radio back in the day, before the advent of political correctness. I think there’s an art to making something lyrically suggestive to tell the story, without it being too blatant.

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Music is great here @Wicked, lot’s of good sounds, textures and playing, you’ve developed this very well. The lyrics are no big deal in this day and age, check this guy out, it’s not even rap and he’s sold 200,000 records like this supposedly.

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Wow, I’m stunned. I struggled with the explicitness of the OP track, but this is on a whole other level. I will try to explain why. First I guess I will point to the link between social acceptableness and record sales (money/profits) that I gleaned from your comment. Our society is now being torn apart from corporations putting profit over morality and ethics. Almost every aspect of life and culture is being perverted on purpose to subvert our sense of values. It’s no accident, there are forces at work to make this happen to achieve particular goals. I find it completely disgusting that this guy would write such a song for his son, and feature him (his actual son, presumably) in the video. I mean, for a personal conversation when the boy reaches say age 14, man to man, some of it might make a little sense. Sans the disrespect for women of course. More like birds and bees type stuff. But this reeks of the Epstein/Maxwell perversion of “getting them while they’re young”. Sickening. I read the first few comments on the YT video and they were truly repulsive. Perverted.

I took the OP lyrics to be about hookers/groupies, and voiced my concerns about the blatant and explicit nature. While I find it challenging, I do think there’s a difference between “consenting adults” and when you bring children into it. And a difference between a fantasy liaison in a song, and giving actual future advice (presumably) to your toddler son in a song for the public to view. As I said previously, I don’t consider myself a prude, but I do lean toward conservative family values and try to practice that. Which is clearly under attack on a national and global level.

I tried to watch most of that video, but it literally made me nauseous. He made no mention of making love to a woman, or any sense of love at all. Just sex. Again, I understand human fantasies and all that, but to sing this to your toddler son drinking from a bottle. That’s down right ugly evil garbage IMO.

I really dig the groove and the vocal vibe. The lyrics are pretty tame compared a lot of musicians, but would obviously not make radio play. Maybe try to be more creative in your descriptions of the acts being portrayed in the song. I understand that it’s meant to gutteral just based off of the chorus and that’s probably the least offensive part of the song.
I have heard some pretty dirty lyrics that have been sanitized by the creative use of adjectives where it takes the listener some mental effort to decipher the hidden meaning of the words.

Wheeler Walker Jr, is a shock country musician and uses the supposed “wholesome” nature of country music to add a extra couple of volts to his style. The song linked here is actually one of his least offensive. I’ve been subscribed to his YouTube channel for a few years just to see where he is willing to go and he seems to like digging deeper and without regret.

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Absolutely love this. there is no way you could EVER say anything to offend me. ha ha If it does, you really do have to start hanging with real people. I don’t really like that first 40 seconds or so. Not so much what is said (i don’t know what it is), but the repetition is overkill IMHO. to me, it’s like get to the meat of this. From 42 sec on, it is killer to me in the vox delivery and especially the music/guitars. You have a great talent there.
I guess the only other thoughts I have is how old is this and do you still play like this. thanks for waking me up this morn

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@JayGee that’s an interesting marketing concept but certainly not new; I think about Elvis being shown from the waist up back in the '50’s while critics said things like “the belief of unholy pleasure has sent the morals of our nation down to rock bottom and the crowning addition to this day’s corruption is Elvis Presleyism.”


I would feel like I’m removing an essential part of the song by removing the vocals but it is something to consider. The thing is, I consider the vocals a big part of the writing. Not necessarily the lyrics, but the vocals themselves, and the vocal melody, phrasing and expression. It would be good to have alternate lyrics though, so that I’d have 2 versions…, a dirty version and a palatable version that could be played on mainstream media, radio, etc…, and like you said, a version with cleaner lyrics might be easier to critique.

Yeah, Bon Scott wrote lots of great, suggestive lyrics. Some might say on occasion he crossed the line but for the most part he went for innuendo.

Thanks for your comments, Lee! @ingolee

I checked out the video that you posted. I’ve never heard of that guy before, but this reminded me a bit of another guy that I seen on YouTube. A guy named Scuzz Twittly…(not sure if I spelled it correctly). He writes humorous songs that are somewhat politically incorrect. He has one song called “I Wanna Party Like Charlie Sheen”. I recommend it to @feaker because I think Paul would get a kick out of it. Scuzz Twittly also has another song called “She Spread Like Covid”. :smile:

Anyway, my impression of the video and song that you posted is that it’s dirty humour, similar to Scuzz Twittly and the song that I posted. Some people get a laugh out of it and some people don’t like it. I think Wheel Walker is performing in the video and on his recording as though his song is serious, but his intention is comedy. Just as some comedians perform dirty comedy and some perform thoughtful, philosophical comedy, so too do musicians and songwriters.

Thanks! @JayGee

Yes, I suppose I could be more tongue-in-cheek. I’ve written songs with those kind of lyrics and I appreciate that style. Having said that, I don’t believe that direct and explicit lyrics necessarily equate to being less creative.

Ah, I knew I wouldn’t be able to offend you with dirty lyrics. Glad you enjoyed the song, Paul @feaker

I can almost predict what some people will like or won’t like. I’m not surprised that you don’t like that opening Rap intro. It’s not very 60’s era or 70’s era sounding. The Rap parts are my way of taking a dig a Rap music. The song doesn’t take it’s self seriously. I can relate to not liking that part though. :grin: I’m not a Rap fan.

Yeah, that definitely had crossed my mind. I considered shortening that part. I’m still unsure about the length of it.

This song is pretty new. I put it together about 9 months ago. So, yes, I can still play like this. :laughing:

Yes, people have always been offended by things that they dislike and don’t relate to.

I only suggested posting a “vocals muted” or lowered track for the time impact. That could be done and exported to MP3 in a few minutes. For critique purposes only. Rewriting the lyrics and re-recording the vocal could take a significant amount of time, but ideally that would be the route to take IMO. Or as you say, have 2 versions. I did think your vocal performance was fine. Perhaps even really good. But I found the lyrics a bit of an obstacle. I couldn’t even understand all of them, but still found the content challenging.

I don’t necessarily think that route is less creative either. Creativity is creativity. BUT, I do think there’s an extra mile of cleverness or ingenuity in stating something with innuendo or irony that feels more satisfying. It’s a little more … sophisticated? And that route also makes it more accessible to the general public in most cases.

Yes, there are different styles, and different audiences that appreciate them. For instance, I love a lot of Jim Carrey’s stuff, especially when he uses irony or other literary devices. But I have never bothered to see his Dumb and Dumber movies because it didn’t appeal to me whatsoever. Same with Will Ferrell. I guess it was the Ricky Bobby thing that didn’t appeal. Your song didn’t offend me, I just thought it was along the lines of “dirty shock value” perhaps. Whereas the other song/video posted definitely did offend me, as I don’t see any humor whatsoever in corrupting innocent children. In fact, I found it disgusting and perverted.

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It might feel barren without vocals because it wasn’t made with the intention of being an instrumental. So, there might be a few spots that sound repetitive because there are places where the vocals do some of the heavy lifting, if you know what I mean. But, seeing as the instrumental track is just for hearing and critiquing without the lyrics in the way to distract the listener, I think your suggestion does make some sense. However, I’m guessing that there won’t be any more people commenting, whether I post the instrumental version , or not. It’s been pretty quiet in here for a long while. I’d like to get your opinion on it though, so I’ll post it.

Yes, I agree with everything you said. However, sometimes I am not interested in being sophisticated. I like to write all kinds of different songs, some sophisticated (to a degree), some very unsophisticated, some very simple, some complex, some aggressive and heavy, some mellow and very gentle. I also like to experiment with different styles/ genres. I really like variety in my writing and playing, so much so, that a lot of my songs don’t sound as though they’ve been written by the same writer.

I like Jim Carrey movies and some of his standup comedy too. When I first saw Dumb and Dumber I don’t recall being blown away by it either, but on subsequent viewings I’ve found myself really enjoying it. I really enjoy his Ace Ventura movies, too. I definitely enjoy unsophisticated humour. There’s an old Pink Panther movie that I really like. I’m not sure what the name of it is, but it’s pretty silly. It might be called “The Return Of The Pink Panther”. Actually I like a few of those movies, but there’s a particular movie in that series that always cracks me up…There’s a scene in the movie where Inspector Clouseau goes into a castle disguised as a dentist. Maybe you know which movie I’m talking about?

Here’s an instrumental mix

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Thanks! I’m listening right now, will comment below after other responses.

Being able to compose multiple styles is a skill and talent, so that’s admirable. I’m not totally averse to aggressive and heavy. For example, I enjoy a song from M.O.D. called “I Executioner” (1987, speed-thrash metal). The lyrics are pretty brutal, but I get a sense of humor from it. It’s more like role-playing or a state of mind, and I just happen to ‘get’ that one. Probably some others as well.

I liked Ace Ventura too. I have found I enjoy “Theater of the Absurd” type comedy, which to me isn’t necessarily unsophisticated. Robin Williams and Jim Carrey were very good at absurdity. It’s usually so crazy that it is unreal and unbelievable, which takes a certain talent to pull off and really grab the audience. Things like the Mork from Ork and Ace characters. I probably saw the PP movies a long long time ago. When I was younger I did enjoy them to some degree.

OK, the instrumental mix:
I notice the bass, kick, and snare work together very well. Very good bass playing too IMO. I can now see how you had a bit of a Rap beat going on in the beginning. The guitar riffs and composition have a playful and fun energy to them. Nice guitar fills too, with very fast runs. I was actually thinking of the song “Get The Funk Out” by the band Extreme today, and I sense some similarities here. I may have thought of that song after hearing yours initially. It works that way sometimes. I like those guitar effects at the very beginning and at 4:02 also. The first one almost sounds like orchestral “strings”, or gives that impression, and at 4:02 it sounds a lot like a synth. I also like that slide guitar at 1:28, you have lots of juicy fills and changes which make the instrumental quite enjoyable to listen to actually. I think it was mostly the lyrics/vocals that were repetitive in places, but not so much the music/instrumentals.

I wouldn’t overlook the potential of this to be an instrumental track. Not at all. I knew when I first heard the song I really liked the music, and the lyrics/vocals just seem to diminish the enjoyment of that for me. I did think the vocal performance was good and effective for what you were going for, but with the energy and lyrical implications that it had there just seemed to be a mismatch perhaps. At least for me. One man’s opinion. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I’ll check that song out.
I think I might have an M.O.D. cassette tape somewhere in my cases of old cassettes. I might have got it from my brother.

There’s a fast bass lick mid-way through the song that sounds really cool when the guitars aren’t playing, so when I first wrote this song, my plan was to actually just have bass and drums (no guitars) in that part, in order to highlight the bass in that part, but eventually I decided to put in the guitars to fill it out a little bit. I was kind of thinking a bass solo might work in there too, but the song was starting to get a bit long, so I nixed that idea. I had a lot of ideas for parts in this song but I had to leave a few ideas on the cutting room floor because the song was becoming a monster that could’ve ended up being 9 minutes long. It’s a fairly schizophrenic song that skirts around different key changes and different grooves.

Those are all just the same guitar sounds that I use throughout the rest of the song. In the intro it probably sounds orchestral because of the 32nd notes…, I think they’re 32nd notes :thinking: …, and because I played two different parts and panned them. One part is the root note and the octave , while the other part is just the octave. I think the picking speed is a part of what creates the illusion of that “orchestral sound” that you’re talking about.

The guitar parts at 4:02 is the same type of technique that I was playing in the other song that I posted on here awhile back (song name is Toxic Ocean). It’s just fast and wide range guitar slides (not using a slide bar). Now that you mention it, I remember I was supposed to upload a sample of that lick in Toxic Ocean to show you what it sounds like solo’d. There was a bunch of times that I had thought about getting to that and I kept putting it off because I figured “it’s too late now”, “Stan has probably forgotten about that”, “it’s an old thread”, etc. I’m a bit of a procrastinator! :grimacing: Sorry about that! I’ll put that lick up if you’re still interested. …But yes, I like using that technique because it always sounds like I’m playing a synth.

Now, that is a slide, using a slide bar.

I can definitely see it working as an instrumental. If I put a good, melodic and catchy lead guitar where the vocals are now, I think that could work. At the moment my mind is on other songs and recordings, so I’m not sure if I’d ever get to doing that, but it’s something I’ll keep in mind. Man, there’s too many musical ideas and too little time! :hot_face:

I totally understand where you’re coming from. Those lyrics are going to be a hard sell for many listeners.

Thanks for taking the time to share your impressions, Stan!

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Yes please! :cowboy_hat_face: :nerd_face: I did notice it was a similar effect from that other song. And I’d still like to hear more about it, both the sample and a description again. I remember what you described wasn’t particularly complicated, but am fascinated with that sound.

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