Version 2 - Proof of Concept Demo

Hello…hello…hellloooo…is there anyone there?..

Here’s a song I’ve written for the next album. I like it, but what do I know?.. just a very basic, no frills, vocal-guitar-bass-drums “proof of concept” version - not really interested in mixing critique here… just putting together the basic song structure at this stage.


I love the guitar track!
Especially the solo part, very cool!
Your singing is very emotional, and I like it.
Very nicely done!!!

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After one iPhone listen, you’ve proven your concept.
Two things that popped up for me:

  1. After the first chorus it would be great to have a short transition; maybe a two measure guitar phrase or drum break, or even a dead stop to accentuate the chorus and lead to the next verse.

  2. You are hitting all the notes in the chorus vocally, but you might consider bringing the melody down into your wheelhouse… The chorus is slamming, but it sounds like you’re trying real hard to sing it. You might do harmonies where the top is where you’re singing now, and the lead vox is playing around underneath the choir if that makes sense.

This will be another good one!

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[quote=“ColdRoomStudio, post:1, topic:6485”]
. I like it, but what do I know?
Ya crank up the first take and cock your head not knowing if it is good, terrible, or in between.
You don’t want two cents now and I get that. However I loved the start with you, that great bass riff, and ear candy left and right. Score for me cuz its intimate at that moment.
I kinda agree with Bob on the real high notes, although I wish I wouldn’t have read his first. haha
Good stuff, you are gonna have fun with this.

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Thanks for the input so far everyone - much appreciated!

Sorry, you might have misunderstood what I meant… constructive input on the song/arrangement/structure is what I’m actually looking for here… just not looking for mixing critique at this stage, as it’s too early in the song’s formation.


[quote=“ColdRoomStudio, post:5, topic:6485”]
Sorry, you might have misunderstood what I meant
First time ever I didn’t understand something…you deserve success…that I know

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Wow, these melodies just build and build right throughout, creating a super hooky, super engaging listen. I actually hear Chris Cornell singing this, and it’s epic.
My 2 cents:
-The last eight bars before verse-1 (0:15) the second (stabby) guitar needs to shift upward to add more variation and build into Verse - 1

  • there’s a 1-bar turnaround at the bottom of chorus-1 (1:19) and it feels too abrupt heading into the 2nd verse. Needs to be at LEAST 2 bars.
    -the 8 bar rest heading out of chorus 2 seems unnecessary, and personally I’d just cut straight to the solo. Let the outgoing “version two” lyric blend with the incoming solo guitar.
    -The second solo break at 3:05 would really benefit from a vocal line here. Something dreamy, ambient, trippy, haunting to help fill that part out. {possibly come in halfway through that 16-bar section}
    -4th time through the chorus at 3:43 feeling a bit played out. Maybe a key change to really add spice?
    -outro at 4:19 possibly cuts to a halftime feel (same riff), pretty, clean left/right arp guitars slowly fade out.
    One sick number alright, with a bit of fine tuning you could have a real banger here I reckon.

Another little caveat that I had to come back in an add. While I think your vocal abilities are extremely proficient, I would say don’t be shy to seek out other players who may just have that extra range that the song may benefit from. Vocally, this number feels like it needs something a bit special to kick it over the finish line.


You had me hooked with that guitar playing. Really fun song! :clap:t2::clap:t2::clap:t2:

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Thanks Rene.

Always great to get your input, Bob - I’ll definitely try those excellent suggestions.

Mate, that’s fantastic - Great ideas! I’m gonna bookmark your suggestions and come back to try them out the next time I get to work on the track - thanks for taking the time and effort!

Thank you, Amy!

No probs mate. If a suggestions works out or helps in any way that’s cool, if not well that’s cool too.

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I think the high register still works (once mixed and tightened ofcourse). Likely needs a bit of doubling up in parts or adding subtle harmonics.
Your song arrangement seems great as always!

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I think it sounds great - it has a fresh, non-derivative sound to it that I liked. Also it rocked, without getting noisy or getting wimpy - sometimes hard to achieve that balance. If I may make one criticism - if it were me, I would drop the second guitar solo - it seemed to meander a bit a lose focus - it might also get the song under 4 minutes, which I always believe is being respectful to the listener. Thanks for the post - I really enjoyed the song.

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Thanks Michelle. Yes, this is pretty bare bones - I usually put a ton of work into the finished vocals on my tracks - they always definitely take the most time in a production, but I do quite enjoy it in the end.

Thank you! Great ideas! I will definitely be trying all these suggestions before I land on the final version.

It’s funny how you go through stages in songwriting and arrangement. On my first album, I was really focused on making super-concise songs that had every possible bit of fat trimmed from them.

On my second album (which will be out soon), I got sick of that approach and decided to be really experimental and just see where the muse led me, rather than second-guessing and over-thinking every arrangement and production decision in the name of interest, brevity and conciseness.

What I learned was that (I feel, at least) the second approach results in more original, individual and diverse songs - the kind of music I grew up on and loved… So I’m trying to really just spill it all out on my demos and not overthink anything - sometimes it results in moments of excitement, but other times things just tread water.

Thanks for taking a listen and commenting - much appreciated!

Good work @ColdRoomStudio as always and some good suggestions here too. The vocal range thing is something to think about as has been mentioned. I like what you said about being experimental and not over thinking everything, it’s always easy to go back and edit or revise but adding in inspiration might not be so easy.

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Head boppin’ here… really like the music and the lyrics. Proof of concept… accomplished! The guitar-nerd in me loved both solos. I also love the raw, demo character as it is… but when you polish this one up it’s going to shine. Always look forward to your tunes, thanks.

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