Two questions 1. lose the drums? 2. Is the chorus too explicit?

Two questions 1. lose the drums? 2. Is the chorus too explicit?
0.0 0

#1

Young man has a lil imaginary fantasy with a pretty girl in a magazine. Are the words touch your body a bit much? Is the acoustic presentation OK?

Pretty girl

It ain’t right but it feels right the way I been thinkin of you… pretty girl
Second after second after minute after minute I been waitin on you…pretty girl

Don’t need to watch TV… Don’t need to be with our friends
We’’ll stay inside just you and me Make love again and again

I just wanna hug and kiss you touch your pretty body everywhere tonight
I just wanna hear you sigh and whisper that I love you everything’s alright

Its late I’m so tired still lookin for you…pretty girl
Checkin out the window and I’m lookin down the street I need you…pretty girl

I saw her face when she was 18 I knew then she was the one for me
Didn’t meet don’t really know her name just a face in a magazine

I just wanna hug and kiss you touch your pretty body everywhere tonight
I just wanna hear you sigh and whisper that I love you everything’s alright
Its late I’m so tired still lookin for you pretty girl


#2
  1. lose the drums?

No, but it would be good to hear them.

Is the chorus too explicit?

No.


#3

I can’t help but hearing the very first notes of the guitar riff from Here Comes the Sun (Beatles) when I listen to your intro.

The lyrics do have something a little naive to them, but there’s nothing wrong with them. You’re just describing something everyone of us has already experienced, in your own way.

I don’t think you should lose the drums, but they would largely benefit from being played by a human being. They sound very mechanical and the drums pattern is quite repetitive. Also, the moment when they come in sound a little awkward to me. It sounds like you tried to create an effect but missed your point. It would probably sound better if the guitars were not so prominent in the mix and the drums part more interesting and louder.


#4

Hi I never thought of the Beatles riff. I have large hands and the stretch to get that high note in that position is about 9 1/2 inches. ha ha I was pretty proud of that.
I suppose i shouldn’t worry about the content of the lyrics anymore with the “F” bomb showing up in so many now. I can actually remember when i was a teen and the feeling I had from just a picture. That was 50 plus years ago. Yikes
My best friend is the drummer in our old band and I am going to ask him to work with me on this. Thanks you for your comments and have a great day

Paul


#5

I like this a lot! I think the drums work, but feel kind of messy like they aren’t always timed right with the song. The guitars are really pretty, and I like how they interacts with the bass. Your vocal is fantastic as always. Reminds me of Angus and Julia Stone. (Not sure if I’ve told you that before or not.)

And about the lyrics–I don’t think it’s too explicit. People push the envelope pretty far these days. I guess the question would be, “to explicit for what?”


#6

Hi Cristina I thought of you when I posted this. I was hoping you didn’t think I was a weirdo. Ha ha Emma knows I am a little out there and she would not be at all upset. I have told this before, but I played steady in a rock band from the early seventies and only was aloud to sing harmony. My buddy had LSD. Lead singer disease. Our drummer didn’t sing one note and when we broke up, he formed a band with his cousins and did all the singing. ha ha Thanks for the kind words. If you ever want to do a song together I think that would be fun. The best to you

Paul


#7

Very good song, I like the guitars and I think the drums work Ok. I guess you can talk about love and sex all you want until you start mentioning body parts? And the ending . . . is it just me or do you have a thing with weird endings?


#8

hey there Glad you liked the acoustics. I put some weird timing stuff in there. One guitar capo’d way up to change it up a bit. Yeah, I might change the touch your pretty body everywhere line. ha ha I get bored with the song like pretty fast and my endings reflect it. Most likely why I haven’t been signed to any big recording deals. Stay cool my friend

Paul


#9

this ones really done well, the mix is clean and clear. due to the timing its not a drum song so much, so I like them in the back, keeps the rythm of the guitars up front.


#10

I agree with CCbro - there is no place from drums here in the classic sense - but the percussion (shaker?) you got going on for the second half of the song could be a little more upfront. I really like the vocal - nicely recorded - again bring it up a tad. Nice textures there. Nothing wrong with the lyrics in my view - especially as the song is really about the fantasy figure…


#11

Hi tolo I am a fan of your music right off :slight_smile: Ok with losing those drums by me. ha ha I will bring the shaker up a bit. I did that myself and as I look at the track, I see some are off a bit. Might move a few.
I didn’t know how the lyrics would be accepted. As a kid I know I had lots of fantasies:) thanks for your comments

Paul


#12

I like your vocals in this one Paul. Nice song.

The chorus needs to be MORE EXPLICIT !!! Come on, man. I was hoping to hear some XXX rated type of stuff. :grin:


#13

Ha ha Yes that second verse of the chorus could have been " i just wanna hear you sigh…
Thanks for the comments bud. You made me laugh big time.

Paul


#14

Really like the song. Having not read any comments yet, I hope I can offer some thoughts.
Overall, it’s a crisp and clear recording. My tastes want the initial shaker to have a little ambience, be it reverb or something as it seems a bit naked, but that may be how you like it.
Drums suit, but I feel like they don’t have the impact that they could have. It could be a simple case of volume. Pump them up a chunk (technical musical term for “a bit more than a bit” and see if that works. The bass, too, may then need adjusting also, but overall, it feels like you are 95% there! Nice one.


#15

Hi Daniel Welcome to this awesome place. I also don’t read other comments first. Better that way. I am not a big fan of reverb because i don’t know how to control it very well and it seems to take away alot of clarity in the mix. I use studio one and I don’t think the choices there are so good. I also don’t use midi so I guess I am stuck. ha ha I’m 69 so things come slow to me. I am going to experiment now with some of the suggestions now. As you heard, I am not the best mixologist. Thanks for your comments and nice meeting you

Paul


#16

Age is no barrier my friend. I’m 40, been doing this as a hobby for over 20 years and still have so much to learn. The forum before this one was a place that helped me grow ten fold, so you are doing the right thing by throwing mixes up here.

Reverb is an interesting beast and I too have my battles with it. As I said, that was just my personal taste.
As far as mixing goes, you had me reflect on my own. Whilst very different styles (I am doing a hybrid of several styles/genres at the moment) your mix was super clear and bright without being harsh. Don’t be hard on yourself, it sounded great.

In regards to the drums, they don’t need to be huge, it’s not the song for it, I just felt they sounded a little “small”. Thanks for the reply!