The ultimate 'dumb client' thread!

The ultimate 'dumb client' thread!
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#1

Here’s you’re chance to share some of stupidest, most bizarre, or naive things people have ever said to you, asked of you, or expected you to do in your recording days!

I had some new ones thrown my way recently:

Looking at my DAW…“Hey man, you know that the guitars players name is Mike…right? Who are Taylor and Martin?”

“Which note is F-hastag?”

Last week I had a inform a church choir director that Palestrina was a renaissance composer, not a country in the middle east.


#2

#3

One guy brought in a normal cassette tape of his band playing into a boom box in mono and asked me if I could make it sound pro by recording the boom box playback through a U47 since they’re “pro mics and would liven up the sound”. What an idiot. He should have known I didn’t have a U47, so I directed him to another studio in town to get the out of tune cassette sounding spiffy through a u47.


#4

That reminds me of the clients my wife has had for photography shoots and how they ask for insane amounts of “photoshopping” done on their pics. lol


#5

True story I said “hey hon do you want to get lucky?” She said “are you takin me to bingo?”


#6

Taylor, Martin, and F-hashtag were the funniest entries in this thread until you posted this! :joy::joy:


#7

I like these ones.
These are so stupid that they’re hard to believe. :rofl:

Your wife is so mean! :rofl:


#8

Have to add this one as it’s in a similar vein:

“Right pet, c’mon, get your coat on”

“Oh - are we going out??”

“Nah, I’m turning the heating off”


#9

Just today…

Me: Do you use a console?

Producer: Everyday!

Me: Which one?

Producer: Uh…you mean…like Xbox…right?


#10

What a moron. Everyone knows you buy Playstation if you need a console. If you’re gonna play though, just get a fucking gaming PC and Steam. Far superior, and upgrade at your own discretion.

Does your wife photograph cats? I may need her for my next album cover of kittens on fire knee deep in their own shit.

It’s called “Flaming Pussy” by the Steaming Dumps.


#11

I had a live sound engineer try and plug my guitar lead into the strap button on one occasion. Let that sink in.


#12

One from my glory days…lazy metal drummer after the session:

  • So…can you put on the click?
  • No, you said you don’t want to record to click
  • So, who made the click tracks (looks around to bandmembers). Oh…you’ll just fix my kicks during the editing then and align with the click track?
  • Sure!

…let their session block expire, didn’t book again, drummer was let go shortly after…


#13

Just this afternoon:

Me: …that reminds me. I need to follow up on that work contract with the Sierra Leone government.

Intern: What was it for?

Me: Audio work for their military.

Intern: I’m confused…

Me: About what?

Intern: Who is Sierra Leone?

Me: Sierra Leone is a country in West Africa.

Intern: Oh… I thought you we were gonna record some girl in the army named Sierra.


#14

Uuuugh! I took this guy to help set up the stage for a church client last night. This dude is a fourth year music technology intern from a local university. I asked him to plug amp into the power outlet. He asked me what to do because the cable wouldn’t reach the outlet. I had to tell him to unwrap the cable. As in remove the velcro cable tie so it would reach the power outlet. I think that one takes the record for the dumbest question I’ve ever been asked.

This guy’s primary instrument is guitar. There was only one pedal between a les paul and my Vox Ac15. Its a TC nova repeater. He asked if there was a special cable because the quarter inch patch cable didn’t fit. I said push it harder, and of course it worked.

Then he patched the inputs and outputs to the input of the pedal and amp backwards.

God help us if colleges made students take an entrance exam that tested their common fucking sense before admitting them. I’m really nice to this kid. I hate that drill sergeant Chris Lord-Alge/Gordon Ramsay treat people like shit attitude. So I’m never mean or degrading to this guy, but there is something wrong here. And I hope I can say it doesn’t have anything to do with my expectations.


#15

Haha. Some new ones.

“Hey man…at the other studio, the engineer used a multi band EQ and it sounded really good. Do you have one?”

"The studio in Columbia says they specialize in lo-fi"
Me: “I bet they do”.


#16

Not really a dumb client sighting, but a funny one none the less.

I told my wife I needed to go shoot some B3 really quick. As I was walking out the door she handed me a bottle of vitamins.


#17

You musicians and your drug habits.


#18

“Shooting up” vitamins is always much more effective than administering them orally.


#19

The other day I was in a flustered hurry to get some mixes turned in because a power outage had set be back about six hours. I wasn’t paying attention to who I was talking to when a local soccer mom sent a text to ask me about recording her daughter for a college audition. She asked if I used a computer to record. I texted back that I do everything ITB.

“In the bathroom? Why do you do that?”