Rush Parody - Closer to the Fart (Not As Bad As You Think)

Was inspired out of nowhere to write this Rush parody, pretty PG by my standards. Any takers?
Willing to sing, but need people as badass as Rush.

And the men who eat green spinach
That cause the flood to start
Must light a match, it’s stinky
Closer to the fart, closer to the fart

The black beans, and their gases
Are smelly and too hot
To torture with proximity
Closer to the fart, closer to the fart

Barbecue and bacon
Each meal does its part
To churn the stomach of a man
Closer to the fart, closer to the fart

CLOSER TO THE FAAAARRRRT (groan in intestinal distress)

Whoa whoa stinking up Manhattan
It’s a quake that’s off the charts
The smell’s of sewage and cheese
Closer to the fart, closer to the fart


If only I could sing like Geddy.

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Love my wife’s hot chili,
But she hates it when I start,
To rip the sheets with flatulence
Closer to the fart.

Boxers that were once white
Show evidence of marks,
And lose their elasticity
Closer to the fart


I’m wearing carbon filters,
But they don’t even start
To cure the lift’s toxicity,
Closer to the fart.

The short man starts to vomit,
His wife clutches her heart
Victims of proximity
Closer to the fart.

(this is brilliant writing, if I do say so myself, and I do. Normally I wouldn’t use the word “lift” in describing an elevator, but I needed a one syllable word for the line, so toxicity and proximity would work together. A great case of tooting my own horn, if you should unfortunately catch my drift).


What’s that smell? :smiley:

What a fox smells.

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You should join the TourBus category @stylesbitchley, you’d love it.

I’ll check it out, but in the meantime:

Baked Beans, and the Broccoli,
Both have done their part
There’s gastric instability
Closer to the fart

Hold fast to the handrails,
The Show’s about to start
There will be massive casualties
Closer to the fart, Closer to the fart, yeah!

Marsh fog has engulfed them
I may have even shart
That’s just the reality,
Closer to the fart

Holy Priests and plumbers
Must both perform their art
To fix my destructivity,
Closer to the fart.

Mic Drop, Out.


I preferred the raw vulgarity of your first two posts, still good though.

I was trying to make it more radio friendly. We do have an audience to consider. We could do a tribute band thing: “Flush, Closer to the Fart”. We could fill the place, even if nobody was there.
Think of the possibilities: Subdivisions could become Colonoscopies. Temples of Syrinx would be Temples of Sphincter. Limelight would become Match Light.

Farts are always funny, even in a drum solo if you mic it properly.

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My favourite Lynard Skynard song.

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StylesBitchley is a natural for this style of writing. He’s got that bitchin’ style.