I am sooo over with this song. Glad the forum crew had some patience with me. It is not one of my better attempts, but I decided to stick with it until it was done. The song is a few posts down. thanks again 
Sincerely
Paul
When the vocals first came in I wasn’t too fond of them but then by the end of the song I was thinking that they’re unique sounding and I was kind of digging them.The vocal mic captured every fine detail of your voice. I could hear every drop of spittle flying around that pop filter, haha.
Actually , listening to this again…I like this. Reminds me of Perry Farrell at some points in the song.
There’s a few timing issues that are especially obvious at the beginning of the song. The guitars aren’t tight together and I heard a guitar mistake right as you say “straight from your heart”, …on the word “heart”.
I’m getting a real late 60’s early 70’s vibe from this. Really interesting!
Hi wicked Thanks for listening, I thought nobody would come knocking:) I know it’s not one of my better attempts. Just trying to be a little different. I don’t use a pop filter and I actually tried using some chap stick for the lip smacks. I did turn up my UA 610 up 6db to increase the signal??
You were spot on about my guitar work. I thought I played it close until I just looked. I redid all that intro. I put a little light percussion in there, however I don’t like the choices in studio one. Thanks again for saving this little ditty from batting zero
Sincerely
Paul
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Hey feaker , not a problem. I actually think that song has some really cool stuff going on. It’s unique. The more I listened to it, the more beauty I could see in it. I think others might have just took a quick listen and maybe didn’t see it through to the end. It’s easy to make a quick judgement and say to yourself “I’ve heard enough”. I listened to the song 3 times and it sounded better with every listen. I think some of the playing and vocals were a bit rougher at the beginning of the song but then it improved as the song went on. It’s possible that people heard the shakiness at the beginning and just decided to write the song off from the get go. This song has plenty of worth…Do not scrap it !
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Paul, thanks for sharing this is fun. I think the think that catches me first is that the vocals and the instruments and the vocals are too separated. If you could pull back the vocals a bit and push the instruments some and get the thing to mesh together some would help. For example the bass when it comes in sounds like it is playing in the next apartment to me and should build as the song builds at 55s etc. I hope that helps.
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I tried to delete the whole posting, but could not figure out how. I then decided to just say closed. I kept shaking my head about this one . I liked it, and then I didn’t. I got kinda excited, then I didn’t ? ha ha I then noticed it was checked out twenty times and nobody commented, and that many times, I believe most people are kind and don’t want to hurt your feelings.That’s when I decided to pull it down. I have so many older song that I should just polish, but it felt good starting one from a clean slate. I’m not a pro and kinda throw things together. I wish I was more organized:) it was nice of you to help this old fart
Sincerely
Paul
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Hi Red yes, I didn’t take enough time with this song. I wanted to get it out there for some helpful suggestions. I don’t have anyone in “my circle” to bounce things off, so when I noticed it wasn’t being noticed, I thought I had made a bad decision to post it. Some days I can sing ok, this wasn’t one of them. I should have waited. I also hoped someone else would sing it because my days are numbered.
Thanks much
Sincerely
Paul
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Hey Paul, can you please re-post this? I listened to it briefly last night and really liked what I heard, but I didn’t have an opportunity to comment at the time.
Hi CRS Kinda embarrassing now. The singing is bad for sure and I can’t fix that right now. Been using a chainsaw for the last few days 
Ok, I will put it back. Starting to sound pathetic. I was just starting to move on to the next one?
Thank you
Sincerely
2 Likes
Thanks for re-posting, Paul… I have no problem with the performances - I really dig your style. Not everyone will like it, but that doesn’t matter. When something is unique it provokes strong reactions.
I love the beginning section of the song up until 1:09. At that point it seems to be setting up a chorus, but then it changes direction into what sounds more like a bridge. After that it seems to lose direction IMO. I’d suggest making a verse and pre-chorus out of that first section, then writing a chorus to match it and lift the song.
I’m not really getting into the section from 1:41 to the end, but I think the section from 1:09 to 1:41 would make a good bridge.
To sum up: Repeat the first bit as a second verse, write a chorus to match and put in between, experiment with the bridge section and scrap the current ending. I think this song could really turn into something good with a little more work.
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Holy cow, that is was encouraging/helpful. This is exactly the feedback that gives the direction I needed. I just listened to it again I thought the same in that I used the words “filler” to describe a lot of the track. I always try to figure out where one loses interest.
Jumping in to someone’s mind and looking around is not the lyrics you normally hear, I know. it’s just what came to “my mind”…ha ha I was a teacher for 30 years and gave out plenty of homework. Glad to be on the other end of that.
I hope to be able to help you sometime. Thanks very much
Sincerely
Paul
I love your voice actually. It’s got so much character, like it sounds good without having to sing technically well. It’s very indie!
I agree with what ColdRoomStudio was saying in that the song could use a stronger hook, and a more cohesive structure. It doesn’t build a whole lot from beginning to end, energy-wise. It feels like it might, up until that part at 1:09. It’s almost like the song changes and doesn’t really match the beginning. It’s almost like 2 different songs. That can work sometimes, but it would need to be a stronger change in that case, I think.
I really like the, “you don’t know how happy that makes me,” part. I understanding the feeling of just wanting to scrap something and move on. That can be easier than trying to fix something. Maybe come back to it after some time has passed, and parts will stick out to you that you want to keep or throw away.
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Hi Cristina
I tried a ton of different chorus’s today. no luck yet. I hear what you are saying about it sounding like two different songs. I actually thought about that. I throw things together thinking that it is more creative. ha ha Ya pay for it!!
i’ll keep hammering away at this. Tomorrow might yield something better. Thank you for listening and helping:)
Sincerely
paul
Hey not too bad at all. i feel the vocals need to be lifted somehow , With the vocals you could try 3 tracks the same but need to be recored 3 times not copied, 1 centre ,One 10% L and One 10% R blended in to help any rough edges in the vocal lines. I know this it works for me a treat! . There are a few ways you could go . Waves have a plugin called Reel ADT and super cheap right now $79 http://www.waves.com/plugins/reel-adt#butch-vig-billy-bush-reel-adt So if you don’t like double tracking this will give it that Lennon sort of vibe and lots more or just soften the edges.
OR for a different flavor;
For instance, have a listen to how Dave Grohl delivers on “I wont go getting tired of you” sometimes its the subtle textures that work and there are more then a few tracks on his vocals … he does a lot of nice quite parts in other songs too.
i’m just thinking textures not necessarily being them…
keep having fun with it
cheers
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Hi there Paul,
hah… this one nearly sneaked by me… there are some cool bits in there for sure, I’m really liking CRS’s thoughts on restructuring things… it’s like there are some cool musical hooks in there but some less disciplined bits in there too 
Once again, your voice and style have a magical charm to them! So glad you re-posted the track.
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Hi sound candy. I tried the fat channel in studio one on my vocal (supposed to widen it) and it didn’t seem to help. After I get the rest of this track straightened out I will focus on trying to improve on that vocal. I don’t know how to even load plugins, so I’m kinda out of luck. tough to get old. Thank you very much for listening and the help you gave.
Sincerely
Paul
Hi Emma yes, this one was kinda just a little primer to get me back in the studio again. I really feel rusty and now I will be off for a month next Wednesday to finish off my oldest daughters basement out in Minneapolis. huge task:)
Well I have a verse, pre chorus, chorus, bridge, chorus and whatever those bum baa’s are. ha ha Gotta come clean on a mistake I made. All those bum–aah’s were supposed to line up like in the first version. When I copied and pasted them in a different section, they were all screwed up. I played it back and thought, this is better. ha ha Leave it to me. I will keep chugging along with this as long as there are folks to help. Can’t do much more here, got a few inches of snow again;(
I have to figure out how to get those files to you. I checked and I have plenty of room? Thanks for commenting. I could tell you were less than impressed. ha ha so was I
Sincerely
paul
Im not sure the fat channel will work, 3 vocals tracks which are sung the same (not copied ) then blended in takes away the rough edges … it does for me anyhow… .
What do you record on ??
Hi SC Not sure the question. I run my guitars through a Boss box, then to a LA 610 and then into a mini amp and then the box. The same with the mic…except no boss. I am going to try singing a couple more tracks like you suggested:)
Ok, have a crack at it and im sure you can get some help along the way. With all that snow you have to have something to do! .