November songwriting challenge: I Don’t Want to Dance (Bash this Demo)

recording
November songwriting challenge: I Don’t Want to Dance (Bash this Demo)
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#1

as per this thread----> Anyone up for a November songwriting challenge?

This week I randomly picked a song title “I Don’t Want to Dance”

and came up with this…

REMIX version (based on feedback comments)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Bl1cWyPXYwTuIOCy6tNC4VWsGpban0tO/view?usp=sharing

Original version
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Ci4OEpXkbEy9YkyZUpwF0VbCuX4dqx4N/view?usp=sharing

Song Challenge #3 I Don’t Want to Dance

I don’t want to dance
I don’t want to dance

Chorus
I don’t want to dance, dance, dance, a dance
I don’t want to dance a dance
I don’t want to dance, dance, dance, a dance
My body’s a temple, my mind is advance
Watch me read a book
I don’t want to dance

Could you, would you in a club?
Could you, would you dance to dub?
I would not, could not in a club
I would not, could not dance to dub

Could you, would you in a street?
Could you, would you dance breakbeat?
I would not, could not in a street
I would not, could not dance breakbeat
I would not, could not in a club
I would not, could not dance to dub

chorus

Could you, would you dance at work?
Could you, would you try to twerk?
I would not, could not dance at work
I would not, could not try to twerk
I would not, could not in a street
I would not, could not dance breakbeat
I would not, could not in a club
I would not, could not dance to dub

Could you, would you in a gym?
Could you, would you to EDM?
I would not, could not in a gym
I would not, could not to EDM
I would not, could not dance at work
I would not, could not try to twerk
I would not, could not in a street
I would not, could not dance breakbeat
I would not, could not in a club
I would not, could not dance to dub

chorus

I’d rather eat green eggs and ham than dance

chorus 2X


#2

whats the vocal effect on the 2nd opening line where the repeat seems to drop in pitch? reminds me of Hendrix


#3

Hey there james. I’m loving the low end response of this mix. and I’m also loving the mix of the genres involved.
Here’s my 2 cents
The vocals may have a little too much low end to it which makes the mix muddy.
The instruments on their own sound great and i think you can emphasize those low end freqs more by cutting on the vocals. you can also try cleaning up the vocal track by cutting parts which does not have vocals in it. you know to reduce bleed from ambience and also reduce unwanted sounds. or maybe a gate would be an easier alternative. those arpeggios are sounding great! good job \m/


#4

This reminds me of Dr. Seuss, partly because of the “green eggs and ham” lyric, but also something about the feeling of the song makes me think this is geared towards kids.

I find the vocals are too separated from the music. Maybe bring the vocals level down and eq them so that they cut through even though you’ve reduced the level. Some compression might help the vocals in that regard also.

Another issue I hear is that the vocals are off time to the music periodically throughout the song. I’d redo those parts and make sure that your singing is synchronized with the beat.


#5

Put a little more “something” into the vocal performance on the chorus, and you’d totally have a Pet Shop Boys tune!


#6

That happened b/c I tried to sing the first lines acapella, but was off a bit. I used Melodyne pitch correct on the vocals except for one track that had the word “Dance” with a Nomad Factory Echoes delay plugin.

…so the drop in pitch is the difference between the auto-tune and natural…a happy accident :smiley:

Thanks for the listen and like.


#7

>The vocals may have a little too much low end to it which makes the mix muddy.

I worked on trying to trim out the low end based on your suggestion.

Thanks for the listen and post :smile:


#8

That could work. I was trying a slow jazz idea that wasn’t working, and this idea came to base it on “Green Eggs and Ham”

Thanks for the feedback. I tried to include all your suggestions in the remix :smiley:


#9

Yes, I like that song :smiley: I added a bit more range in the chorus vocal line and ended up switching line 2 and 3.

Thanks for feedback. I think it made for a stronger chorus.


#10

Hey, I listened to both files and found that the remix file is way better produced and I hope it reached what you got in mind at first.
The song works pretty fine to me and I found that all those breaks and hooks make the song very special: it has its own sound and feeling, which is pretty difficult.

The mix is right I think, I don’t have idea to enhance it, maybe get a more “dance” drumbeat :confused:
Performance wise, I wish you add more “personality”, like you are so sure about what you say that there is a bit of “don’t you understand, you d****ss!!”

By the way, really nice job!!


#11

Nice…good observation.

Yes, I understand. It is an area to work on.

Thanks for the listen(s) and feedback :smiley: