Working on a cinematic sequence - a scene where a sailor comes back to visit a lost love after several decades. His love (a mermaid) who is immortal, has not aged, but the sailor is likely making his last visit to her. Did I capture any such emotion?? or am I way off. Ideas welcome!
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Holy crap Michelle this is totally awesome. I canât imagine finding anything on this track. Maybe that one high note at 1:29 ish a little piercing. Might be me
Man that is all I got. Such a big sound congrats
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Hey Michelle, this is really cool and I think you certainly conveyed the emotion of your brief for sure, Iâm getting all sorts of haunting ocean vibes from this one.
For me, while I thought the part was awesome, the section at 0:37 with the almost angelic choral part and the high piano arpeggios feels very much like a closer and seemed a little out of place right at the start as the track was still softly building.
I love the opening G# - F# - G# - E - F# high vocal motif, and for my money this IS the siren/mermaid so I was a little disappointed that we didnât hear from her again and have that topline reappear on the back half on the song (2:22?) mourning her lost love, I think it would have been a powerful callback.
Thereâs a song by Marika Hackman, âClaudeâs Girlâ, which has one of the most beautiful vocal melodyâs ever written, imho (see: 0:50) and it always gave me the feeling of a haunting siren song/mermaids crying and I think this is largely due to her clever implementation of 5ths in the falsetto harmonies.
Might be something to explore to add a more haunting, otherworldly character to that topline.
Great job, cheers.
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Is that you doing vocals, or is it âclipsâ? I like the ambiance of the piece. It does sound âcinematicâ. I think youâre âcaptureâ is about 90%, just saying it doesnât quite nail it but canât really suggest improvements. Although, the story-line reminded me of this song, which might give you some ideas (itâs from the early 70âs):
I guess Iâm saying itâs âtoo cinematicâ and predictable. Give us a bit different interpretation, that makes us go âwow, thatâs differentâ. If possible. 
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Sounds really good. I think it captures the emotions perfectly. The mix overall sounds good. The only thing I can think of to suggest is perhaps making the piano a bit softer. Overall it sounds great.
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What a beautiful piece!! You captured the emotion of the story perfectly 
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Great sound here @FluteCafe ; the vocals add a nice touch especially, makes it more personal which is what you want I think. I like the minimalism of the opening and ending. The fuller sounds are great too but more generic with less romantic appeal imho.
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Thanks for a terrific feedback yall. Just what I was looking for!
Wonderful vocals, haunting! definitely stirred up some ideas
Check! I was thinking that too
Check! I will ease that section in at near equal volume to the soft buildup
Those are my vocals, but I had recorded them years ago lol just oohs and ahhs to use later, so I guess you can call them clips as I did not sing them live to the track
Thanks! and I agree with you there. Those are some side-effects of working with a marketing formula and corporate structure of music :), To be frank, I have a hard time âconformingâ as well, but I try to bring in my own twists even when I have to stay within rules. I do understand where you are coming from though!
Check! thanks!
Thank you so much!
Thanks and I think you might be sending what Stan is sensing. It is true, that the score was written somewhat within âconformist/populistâ parameters, but I will see what I can do there to add a twist to the score. I am thinking a bit of flamenco added to the orchestral elements (Inspired a little by @terryhesticles work) 
thank you Paul!
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I think this works really well, Michelle - nicely done! No criticisms here!
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I probably didnât make myself very clear when relaying my thoughts on that section (hey nothing new), and itâs only an opinion so donât take too much away from it, but it wasnât really the volume of the part that felt out of place to me, it was the âepicâ , âtriumphantâ nature of that section, which I thought seemed more like a big crescendo youâd hear as the track was coming to a conclusion, as opposed to right at the outset of the intro.
Cheers.
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This is amazing! Beautiful really. If I had to nitpickâŚ
-Piano slightly too loud/up front at 45-50 sec?
-Is that flute a little out of tune 1:10-1:35?
So great! Thanks for sharing this!
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Probably my early morning ears, but the track sounded a little loud to me, Michelle. I listened a second time at half volume, and it sounded better to me.
But I donât trust my judgement on matters like this much anymore. I asked my two younger brothers recently about their tinnitis recently, and it seems we all have it but in slightly different forms. I think I might actually be less affected than either of them, I feel I hear it like a background noise like AC but more like wet electric wires or crickets that I mainly mentally tune out. That said, it probably isnât helpful.
As to the music itself, it felt quite moving. I can still remember the vocal riff, that was catchy and relatable to a mermaidâs voice. I can imagine it recurring through a soundtrack and being built on as a major theme.
Very nice! I entered a contest using a Bridgerton clip last year, not that I did all that good, but I listened to a lot of entries, and the winner. I realize there are lots of factors that make one superior to another, and the winner had little nuances that matched the timing of the scene maybe a hair better than the others. That being said, I can easily imagine this for the scene you described.
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thanks Steve! The clip is in an infancy state. Mostly an idea at this point so it is very possible it has some unpolished moments. It is unmixed so I do agree some elements are loud.
Sorry to hear about your auditory issues. You may want to check your listening devices and calibrate them for tinnitis. Turn off any audio enhancements on your computers (they are notorious for sneakily turning up mid and highmid ranges to make dialog sound clearer, but it kills the musical elements and hurts the ears).