New Original Tune: The things I never won

Finally got a day to make some music! Been at work almost nonstop for the last month.

I wrote and recorded this today. Kind of a technical punk tune with all sorts of changeups. The drums were challenging, but I finally got a usable take. I’d appreciate any feedback! Thanks!

The things I never won

There is really nowhere left to go
But the dark side of the moon
And the edges of our minds
Like the corners of this room
(Corners of this room!)

Tomorrow we’ll be next in line
Slamming all the doors
Making our escape over hardwood floors

A memory of someone
And stupid things they’ve done
A statue made of nothing
And the things I never won

If ignorance is bliss.
Let’s lay you down to rest
With a little kiss
And sheets are comfortless

A memory of someone
And the stupid things I’ve done
A statue made of nothing
Like the things I never won

lively sucker. “If ignorance” sequence …vox way too low. Killer chorus. Second line the word moon could be different than the first line "go’ maybe lower?
Nuthin to pick on really. For a second I thought of “eye of the tiger” ??
Your music should be on the radio. Seriously…congrats

1 Like

Thanks for your input. I’ll see what I can do. Listening a day later I realized how harsh it sounded overall. And the bass is a little too prominent in the low end. Hopefully I can spend a few minutes tonight

1 Like

Hopefully this mix is not as harsh or bassy. Allows a little more room for the vocals. I also added a weird sound effect intro (I reversed a bunch of cymbals and broken glass, lol). The intro doesn’t catch you quite as off guard this way.

Any better? Suggestions? Thanks!

Interesting song. I immediately thought is sounded like a known Punk band, I guess I’d say Green Day. The 2nd mix does seem to be a bit better. It’s very catchy and Pop sounding, though somewhat repetitive as per the genre.

On a positive side, there’s a certain philosophical element to the lyrics that elevate it to something almost surreal, almost like sarcasm. Only my impression on first listen.

1 Like