New Original Tune: The things I never won

Finally got a day to make some music! Been at work almost nonstop for the last month.

I wrote and recorded this today. Kind of a technical punk tune with all sorts of changeups. The drums were challenging, but I finally got a usable take. I’d appreciate any feedback! Thanks!

The things I never won

There is really nowhere left to go
But the dark side of the moon
And the edges of our minds
Like the corners of this room
(Corners of this room!)

Tomorrow we’ll be next in line
Slamming all the doors
Making our escape over hardwood floors

A memory of someone
And stupid things they’ve done
A statue made of nothing
And the things I never won

If ignorance is bliss.
Let’s lay you down to rest
With a little kiss
And sheets are comfortless

A memory of someone
And the stupid things I’ve done
A statue made of nothing
Like the things I never won

2 Likes

lively sucker. “If ignorance” sequence …vox way too low. Killer chorus. Second line the word moon could be different than the first line "go’ maybe lower?
Nuthin to pick on really. For a second I thought of “eye of the tiger” ??
Your music should be on the radio. Seriously…congrats

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Thanks for your input. I’ll see what I can do. Listening a day later I realized how harsh it sounded overall. And the bass is a little too prominent in the low end. Hopefully I can spend a few minutes tonight

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Hopefully this mix is not as harsh or bassy. Allows a little more room for the vocals. I also added a weird sound effect intro (I reversed a bunch of cymbals and broken glass, lol). The intro doesn’t catch you quite as off guard this way.

Any better? Suggestions? Thanks!

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Interesting song. I immediately thought is sounded like a known Punk band, I guess I’d say Green Day. The 2nd mix does seem to be a bit better. It’s very catchy and Pop sounding, though somewhat repetitive as per the genre.

On a positive side, there’s a certain philosophical element to the lyrics that elevate it to something almost surreal, almost like sarcasm. Only my impression on first listen.

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Hi FGF, cool track - very catchy!

I listened to the latest mix… a couple of things to mention:

  • the kick drum is a bit too loud and dominates a bit to much
  • the vocal is a little shy on level. In a genre like this where you need to keep the music powerful, you really need to be quite bold with compressing the vocal so that it can just nest in nicely with the distorted guitars and not overpower them. Using serial compression can often work well. A healthy high mid boost on the vocal also helps a vocal cut through.

Nice work!

2 Likes

I love this song. I would agree that the kick is loud and the vocals are too low, especially the background vocals. I think the vocals just need some kind of sparkle. I am thinking about how Switchfoot gets the leads to come through their songs. They have a ton of sparkle and sometimes even a little flanger on them. https://youtu.be/OXcrEVFZOXs?si=RInWVk92UOYA5HIl

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This is great advice, thanks! Hearing it again you’re spot on. I’ll go back and see what I can do. Thanks for taking a listen.

Sorry, delayed reply….long stretch at work and haven’t had any time for music in weeks!

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Awesome, thanks! You’re right about the kick and vocal volumes. Yeah, listening to that song you can really appreciate how all the instruments blend so well letting the vocals pop out. Maybe just dial back the highs a tiny bit on the instruments, compress more, and add a little more volume and sparkle to the vocals would help. Also having an amazing voice would help too!

Really cool tune! Just lost a bit of higher harmony in the middle.
Was bouncin’ around in here though. Nice jam!

Very cool man, concise, to the point with lots of interesting rhythm ideas going on. I’m getting a real ska vibe off this one. Drums sound unreal, as do the vocals. I initially felt the guitars were a little too harsh sounding but upon further listening i think they fit the vibe nicely. Sweet job