My life just changed demo.... up for a bashing

First off, I have had adult croup for a couple of weeks now and it sucks. If you don’t sing loud the words just quit. This is a soft song so i will sing it over when I heal up. It is about a one glance encounter that of course gets away from the dude. I wrote this starting at 5 this morning and added a few tracks with it this aft. Lyics, levels, and production comments welcome please.

My life just changed

She’s turned for just a tick in time Bm
Her eyes so pure fell into mine Bm/A
She smiled then slowly walked into the dark C Em

Never have I felt this way… I can not move at all away
My very being answers to my heart

Time stands still I must breathe Dm Em (pre chorus)
I’m paralyzed without reprieve

My life just changed… in that moment in time C Cmaj7
I couldn’t think of one thing I could say Dmin
My life just changed…it plays over in my mind C Cmaj7
I just stood there and watched her walk away Dm G C

Going back I am inclined …that very spot… that very time
That moment shared with her that now is mine
Sleepless creeping in my mind …desperately your eyes I find
You’re out of reach…I’m falling far behind

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Love the verse melody, and reminds me of a song from the past.
Instrumentation is very well executed, and your singing is so emotional and enjoyable!!!
Impressed with your excellent songwriting skills!!!
Stay well, and keep on making 'em great music!
Love and respect,

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Yeah I ripped it off from 1967 Mccarther’s park. I sing that all the time with my acoustic guitar and like how you drop from a B to an A staying in Bm. Anyhow I could never sing the next part of that song cuz it is so high. I don’t think my ten total followers at sound cloud will turn me in.
stay cool ole guy

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Nice! Very different and harmonically adventurous! Me likey!..

Before I read any other comments, I was listening and thinking “he’s ripped the verse melody/chords directly from ‘MacArthur Park!’ - Should I be Captain Obvious and point that out?”… and then I read down a little further and see that is exactly what you intended! Hell, if it’s good enough for Ed Sheeran, then why not?.. :rofl:

It’s actually what happens after that part that I like the most. Very creative!

[quote=“ColdRoomStudio, post:4, topic:6547”]
Nice! Very different and harmonically adventurous! Me likey!..
Hi Andy You have such a great way with descriptive words yourself. All that is left for me musically is to have some one say that is different or i haven’t heard anything quite like that etc.
I can’t wait to sing it better.
That melody line is so simple but sota chilling to me. It sounds so good on my acoustic on my lap, but when i get in the studio unbraced, it falls short.
It’s funny I actually thought of the Ed’s trial and got into some pretty intense arguments on twitter over it.
Thanks for yur thoughts. I have another almost done. Rockish. take care down there

I saw a headline the other day that said “Ed Sheeran warns he’ll quit music if found guilty in copyright trial”… I took a screenshot of it and sent it to a likeminded muso friend with the caption “we live in hope :pray:

Alas, it appears my hopes were dashed yet again!

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Guitars sound very nice. Vocals, bass, and drums sound good to me! Very nice song!

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