Here’s a song from 2010ish that I’ve been wanting to redo. It could use some refinement in a lot of areas, but I’m hoping to get some full spectrum feedback. After a first-time listen, a friend told me he doesn’t think it has the best structure (verse, chorus, etc.).
I see where you’re coming from with this number and I like the little breaks and the arrangement feels fine, but I think because your drums lack any dynamics due to being heavily compressed I don’t feel any impact or drive. The transients are just being squashed on arrival and as a consequence the drums have no punch, which in turn makes the song drag in the quiet sections.
Also I’d look at doing some drum editing at around 2:14 - 2:21, few little timing issues which are instantly off-putting.
There’s a real build up right around 1400Hz that needs looking into, and also around 118Hz.
Vocal needs a bit of de-essing and overall leveling.
It’s a cool tune, and I think if you could sort out some of the problems in the mix the concept would more easily translate to the listener.
This reminds me of The Boss of Me by They Might Be Giants used for Malcolm in the Middle Theme Song structurally. You do stop/start creatively, interjecting a number of musical ideas and moods. And like TMBG this song doesn’t feel like the same song as it linearly progresses, and that throws one off a tad. You do get back to the themes, but it stands well part by part better than a hookier total song. TMBG had a great TV show theme song but as a 3m song it was not as memorable. That is its linear vs verse/chorus structure, Ryan.