I'll never give up...third chorus try

Bash This Recording
#1

edit…I’m not liking the chorus, so I will be changing it soon…just sayin…to this

I just need a hug… a gentle warm touch Am Em
Never had one…but i’ve wanted one so much F C
I just need a hug…warm lips on my ear Am Em
Simple words of feelings whispered so sincere G C…….Dm

first try below

I won’t give up

I’ve tried at love…but failed then I’d wait…for another day Dm C Bb A
another chance…another love… another way…to begin Dm C Dm

Patience and time I’ll not yield you’ll be be mine F C Gm Dm
If only just a dream in my mind… in this lonely moment in time Bb C……Dm

I won’t give up…I won’t give in… I’ll find someone… I’ll look within
I won’t give up…I’ll try again… I feel upbeat… to start new Bb C Am Dm
I won’t give up…I’m ready now… I’ve got some thoughts… an avenue… with
Some luck… I just might find you Bb C……Dm

I smile…they look…but they soon turn away Dm C Bb A
Could it be my looks…the way i dress Dm C Dm
My scraggly hair…I do have awkward ways

Patience and time I’ll not yield you’ll be be mine F C Gm Dm
If only just a dream in my mind… in this lonely moment in time Bb C……Dm

I won’t give up…I won’t give in… I’ll find someone… I’ll look within
I won’t give up…I’ll try again… I feel upbeat… to start new Bb C Am Dm
I won’t give up…I’m ready now… I’ve got some thoughts… an avenue… with
Some luck… I just might find you Bb C……Dm

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#2

Nice stuff, Paul. I really like the verses but the chorus doesn’t seem to do it for me. I think the song deserves a better chorus because you got a really nice feel in those verses.

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#3

Great thought Mr W. I did completely change the chorus once already because it was dragging. I will give the ole boy scout try again. I thought the same thing as you. thanks

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#4

Sounding really sweet Paul. Just to rock the boat, I think what you’ve done in the chorus’s vocal-wise sounds fine, but the instrumentation isn’t there to back up the vocal, and the vocal lines have no variation throughout the chorus.
The music just plods along keeping the beat and providing the chords, while the lyrics play out in a repeating fashion that doesn’t really take you anywhere. You’re sitting on home base for the entire chorus.
Why not take advantage of the “I - won’t - give - up - I won’t - give - in” line, and really accent those words with a solid bit of backing from the instrumentation?
Maybe even think about a call and response, but possibly lengthen the notes of the “I’ll find someone” lines (might have to chop out some words) so they act as a counterpoint to the “I - won’t - give - up” lines, as opposed to just repeating the exact same delivery.
You can’t expect the vocal alone to carry the hook if the band isn’t there to chip in.

Just my 2 cents…need more accents.

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#5

Hi Terry Good suggestions. Your instincts are always dead on. I wrote a new chorus last night with just the acoustic and will try that today. Not big on that one either. I kinda like the tune, so I will first try your suggestion. Folks don’t realize that just a hint can be so helpful when you know a part of your song is not at all special. that was quite the sentence? FYI, it is 5:30 am here and I have my acoustic in my lap trying this out :slight_smile: So glad you are here on this forum. thank you

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#6

Ha ha Third chorus try. Lots of clicks where I moved things. Sped it up 4 bpm. More and varied chorus words. different drums. rapid bass notes.

I’ll never give up

I’ve tried at love…but failed then I’d wait…for another day Dm C Bb A
another chance…another love… another way…to begin Dm C Dm

Patience and time I’ll not yield you’ll be be mine F C Gm Dm
If only just a dream in my mind… in this lonely moment in time Bb C……Dm

I’ll never give up…I can not give in F C
The hurt has come before …but I’m gonna try again Bb C
I’ll never give up.I’ll try a new avenue avenue F C
I know you’re out there somewhere…and I’ll never stop looking for you Bb C Dm

I smile…they look…but they soon turn away Dm C Bb A
Could it be my looks…my skinnyness Dm C
My scraggly hair…I do have awkward ways Dm C…Dm

Patience and time I’ll not yield you’ll be be mine F C Gm Dm
If only just a dream in my mind… in this lonely moment in time Bb C……Dm

I’ll never give up…I can not give in F C Bb C
The hurt has come before …but I’m gonna try again
I’ll never give up.I’ll try a new avenue F C
I know you’re out there somewhere…and I’ll never stop looking for you Bb C Dm

#7

feaker,
Listening to your mix from 25 days ago (not sure how I missed it earlier). It all sounds very good to me!

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