Well, that was enjoyable! More like Talking Heads than Pearl Jam's Jeremy, thank God.
It is so difficult to get anybody, much less kids, to focus long enough to participate on a project like this. First, it is probably not her cup of tea exactly, being in the category of alt Sesame Street rock, I would say. As an adult who likes the basic song style and the intelligent lyrics, I'm happy with it as is.
I can see you adding a loud rocked out finale or bridge with perhaps a flash of some optimistic defiance, make it a 3 1/2 minute full-fledged Who rocker. Bullying makes me mad, and I don't know how people become thicker skinned, especially the most vulnerable. Externalities and insecurities gang up on sensitive types who might also have dangerous issues getting in their way of helping themselves effectively, and it is tough. But maybe a song like this does help a tiny bit, and that is an honest hope.