I sped up the track from 95 to 100bpm’s to help the drag thing. I turned up the drums and played some gibson electric in the chorus. I am not a good guitar player and basically only rhythm. haha I didn’t repeat the chorus yet. Track repair only till about 1:30 ish. I can’t hear the vox when the chorus starts. Maybe too much junk there? I’ll keep messin.
final take 2 new intro and chorus
Butterflies… a baby’s cry gets me all teary eyed
A perfect rainbow gets me high but nuthin like the sparkle in your eyes
A-wake-n-ing we’re starting all brand new
I wrote your name into the sand …the waves carried it away C F C G
I cast it then…upon the clouds… the wind wouldn’t let it stay C F C G…C
I finally wrote it in my heart and…that’s where it’s always gonna stay E F G
I wake up every day with your smile on my mind. C G F G
a beautiful vision…so soft and kind. C G F
I wake up every day with these thoughts of me and you. C G F G
I’m walkin on air… cuz my dreams are commin true C G F G C
You are the sun …the sky the moon… my words …you are my tune C F C G
I love you today…I want you tomorrow…my heart is really hoping soon
I will love you till the sun goes out and the tides no longer turn E F G
The day is so much brighter …my step a little lighter Am Em F C ….bridge
When I know you might be thinkin bout me F C G
I keep checkin on my phone that yur not likin be’n alone Am Em F C
together’s what you want us to be F G C
Hi Amy I have allergies now and when I kick them I will sing this over. So many times I would start singing a lyric line and nothing would come out. ha ha Glad you like. I am not liking the chorus and started re-writing it. Thanks for your two cents
I think the lyrics are actually pretty good. I wouldn’t change anything really. As for the mix and arrangement. The drums are pretty far in the background and I’d like to hear a little more of them. I’m a guitarist, so I always want more guitar, but I think adding a distorted guitar or 2 in the chorus playing power chords would bring some movement and power to the chorus. The lyrics are good, but the chorus doesn’t have a lot of power. I think it would “pop” more if you had a powerful chorus with more instruments and more active drums. I think the song is pretty good it just needs a little tweaking.
Hi Chandler I put this out there for feedback to determine if I should keep at it or not. Still ot sure. Kinda sad, I played a bunch of songs I did 15 years ago and put them on soundclick. Many are much better than what i have been putting out in my old age.
You are right. The chorus does not pop at all. I wrote three more and still they drag on. I was gonna list all four for feedback. ha ha That would be torture. i changed the lyrics only slightly to reflect more of a first person take. I think they are better.
I really didn’t check the levels on the tracks very good. So I will also put some snarl with the guitars as well.
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment. Very little song making going on???
I really like the song and I think its definitely worth putting more time into it. I had the exact same thoughts as @Chandler …
drums need to be brought up a little in the mix
add a duo of slightly distorted guitars and pan hard R and L for the chorus. They can be a little brighter than the guitar in verses, and don’t have to be very loud to make a huge difference
vocals: some volume changes in parts, which can fit certain styles of music. This one is a little on the “pop-folk” side and might benefit from more compression to even things out. Also, might sound cool to double your main vocals in the chorus and blend it in a little to the original.
Those are just my thoughts and preferences! Thanks for sharing!
Hi sir fly I actually kinda gave up on the track. I did think it was the kind of different I do like tho. Now i can go back and implement the changes yawl suggested.
I have been working with chainsaws and heavy equipment the last few days removing large dead trees. That strain makes it hard to do finesse work with the guitars. I will try tonight. Thanks very much. Really glad you like it.
Hi aaron Wouldn’t you know it, I completely redid most of the song this morning. ha ha
I just wasn’t sitting right for appeal. I usually bail out by now, but now determined to just make it better. Hope you are doing well and shortening your intros sorry I am a kidder
back to my bulldozer…and thanks
I charge twice as much to review the same song twice (haha). This latest mix does sound quite a bit better. Your vocals sound stronger too, to me. I don’t think the previous mix had background vocals either. Very good job!