Flickering candle song extinguished...thanks Stan and Andy

Bash This Recording
#1

My wife knows I don’t like the smell of bleach. So I came in from outside and see, for the first time in our house, a lit candle. She said I know you would freak out about the smell so I am trying to mask it with this candle. So I grabbed the candle and sat in my lazyboy. I said “well it doesn’t smell that bad I guess, but I still smell the bleach” all of a sudden she sees me running toward the studio. Why are you running she askes. I said "I just saw a scary face in the candle and have to write a song about it. she said like the voices in the wind one???/
Having trouble singing. Especially with the wierd notes I used. I can usually sing quietly with more feeling, but the ole allergies i think have finally one.
The two main chords (capo 3) are A hammer the Bb and G hammer the C
No reverb on anything except the surprise break part. ha ha Saturated with reverb…to a point of almost repeating itself. Any thoughts of what I can add or change would be greatly appreciated. thanks in advance

With some hints from Stan, I found an EQ that had an increased low end for the kick and turned the drums up in general. I also extended the ending a bit to let it ring like the crash cymbal. I have a vocal delay that says sweeten the vocal that is set at 6.5. I turned it to 5 and put it on the main vox and the bgv’s.

Really tired of this now. I used my DI breedlove and filled up some dead spots. Bass seems loud now on these headphones, but not in the studio. Not my best, but the process is always worth it. Back and forth with friends is the best.

Keeping this all deep inside

Deep within this flickering candle… images I see

Partial faces feeble arms… they gesture calling me

A gifted dance from a gentle breeze… a haunting mistic tease

Fearing now they’ll end my life….could you help me please

Keeping all this deep inside….shakin and a shiverin tryin to hide

Keeping all this deep inside…accusations I’ll deny…forever…and ever

A new candle a new light…slightly smaller not as bright

Shockingly it did not matter…the’ve not taken flight

Shimmer glimmer hyp…no…tize… exposing evil eyes

Mesmerizing with their daggers… someone’s sposed to die

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#2

Now that’s what I call imagination! It’s like you did a Rorschach test and wrote what you saw.
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Rorschach
Rorschach3000×2168 337 KB

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Those hammered chords are a nice touch, kind of ominous and hypnotizing. The whistling part was a cool surprise, and where you put the reverb of course. The effect works well, it’s almost an echo as you said. The “Ohhh-Ohh-Oh” at the end is nice, and a clever way to end a song I think.

I assume you have the drums “in the back” and not very loud on purpose, mostly for rhythm accompaniment and not to step on the relatively quiet vocals and guitars. At first I thought the drums and drum parts could be jazzed up a bit, but on 2nd listen they fit really well in there. The hi-hat ‘whoosh’ is a very nice touch, I used to love doing those when I used to have a kit. I do think the kick could be a touch louder maybe, it doesn’t seem as loud as the snare and other drums. You could bring it up and down in the different sections for effect perhaps.

#3

Hi Stan The song is fun. I did the hammer thing on my acoustic while watching a movie the other night. I know that the Bb doesn’t go with the A chord, but like I have said before, it appeared to work.
Yeah the drums are to low and so is some of the vocal. I used a bridge drum selection which is kinda weird also.
I enjoy getting the track out there for hints to change things. i do stuff and then scratch my head not knowing why.
The whistling should not have had a positive vibe with this type of track. Not sure yet if i should add any delay to the vox and bgv’s?
I write my lyrics and when I am stuck, I go to rhyemezone for possible matches.
That last few seconds I am going to re sing and let them ring a bit longer?
Have to do some transition filler with the dead spots too.
Thanks for the chirp bud…tweaking now will be fun stuff.

#4

That has happened to me a lot! Some of the best or most pleasant things that have come out of me were not planned or thought out at all. So much so I ask “Did I do that?”

The whole song has elements of both ominous/creepy sounds and happy/enjoyable sounds. That makes it a bit of an enigma. The whistle sounds like in a minor key and definitely seems ominous. When I first heard it the sound really struck me, and the reverb helped. Listening back it sounds like your whistle collapsed early in a few places, and at least one ‘note’ fell off a bit flat at the end, but it’s one of those performances that come across as compelling even if it wasn’t perfect. To the point you may not want to re-do it, or at least don’t scrap that one until you know a new one is better.

You could try delay and see how it sounds, but I think your fairly ‘dry’ voice on this song works pretty good, it brings an ‘intimate’ quality for lack of a better word. And to elaborate, your vocals on this have both a sweet/pretty sound and some ominous ones as well. I’m guessing there’s a mix of major and minor keys, but you didn’t post the chords so I’m not sure. And I think Bb can go with A in some scales, particularly minor scales.

I’d say try it if you want, while keeping the original intact until you’re certain you want to change it. Both the whistling part and those final “Oh”'s stand out to me as trademarks of the song.

#5

The whistling is kinda unorthodox in general. Almost too fast of a feel for that part. I still have 14 seconds at the end to fill with something as well.
I have to find that sour note in the whistle part. I didn’t listen to that close enough. Didn’t plan it too. ha ha I just posted the slight changes that you indicated a few minutes ago. I wanted to watch the Packer game, but my sling doesn’t go there. oh well thanks bud

#6

I thought it was cool. You could do the whistling at the end too, at least to fill the space for now.

My comments on that were “squint mode”, I only heard them on the 2nd listen and going back to v1 it seems I can’t hear what I heard before, or not as much. I wouldn’t worry about it really.

Interesting thing about bleach, chlorine gas is highly toxic to humans, and your lyrics invoked a theme of death. Coincidence, or irony? :thinking: Of course, household bleach is heavily diluted to be safe for consumers. Still, never mix chlorine with ammonia or other household cleaners. Chlorine gas was used in chemical weapons.

You should listen to candles more often! :cowboy_hat_face:

1 Like
#7

Ha ha My daughter and her husband work for Dow chemical and I have been schooled before.

#8

Hopefully, some have family members that worked in Big Pharma, and gave them similar schooling … don’t trust “the science” etc. I’ll use this emoji while I still can, apparently they’re trying to ban it. :carrot:

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#9

Nice one Paul! You’ve got a bit of a Phrygian modal thing happening here, which is really tense, mysterious and colourful, but I love the way you release the tension later in the song. The little harmony phrase right at the end is extra nice!

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#10

[quote=“ColdRoomStudio, post:9, topic:6308”]
Phrygian modal
I had to google that. Sounded like a malfunction in the throat??? ha ha
Tryin to be different Andy. Like to think nobody has done this before. Music is so entertaining especially when you make it.

#11

I hope not. Just went to the garden this morning to pick carrots and taters for today’s stew. I can’t say what meat went in the pot cuz the DNR might be trolling this site.

#12

Or any other Alphabet Agency source. You know they can show up without a warrant and demand your phone eh. Or anything else they want. It’s no longer the USA, but the FBIden and Merrick Garstapo, coming for your property. The face in the candle is likely the Deep State coming for your vested interests. Boom!

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#13

Your lyrics are suggestive yet vague, Paul. It is a very fearful story you tell, and inspired by a face seen in a candle but based on other sources of paranoia, I sense.

This was not my first guess, but there is a lot of hyped up phobia for government from the right. Even the Department of Natural Resources I suppose is in on the conspiracy. With Halloween approaching, I would prefer to think this was about scary monsters, and thankfully it’s vague enough to hear it that way for me, but it is sad to hear it as political nuance akin to mainstreamed QAnon fantasies.

Musically/instrumentally I enjoyed what you did quite a lot. Your singing was very good as well, but the whistling was a high point for me. I listened to all three versions in 3 1 2 order, and I liked 3 already, although all the versions were good to me.

#14

Just pointing out the elephant in the room. 6am raids and theft of property are not fantasies.

#15

Neither was January 6th, 2021, Stan. And the classified documents were not ever Donald’s property. Technically, he had stolen them from the government.

And alas for he and his cohorts the indictments in November will not be fantasies either. I hope you are aware of that.

#16

Every time you come on this forum you stir the shit with your cheap political shots. I told you last time to not ever comment on my posts again. You are a trouble maker. piss off

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#17

You wrote the song, Paul, which is vague enough to have been apolitical, until you mentioned DNR, and Stan just got into it as political commentary.

I find I write a lot of songs with inspiration from current events, and sometimes it is obvious and others not so much. You are 4 years older than me, dude, and I respect you as a musician and moreso a songwriter. But you are a political ignoramus, and so thin skinned! And I have zero intention to try to change you. If I want to bash your songs, I will. You don’t have to like it or grant me permission, and you don’t have to read it. Stan and I have a lot of history here, musically and in these forums. Unfortunately (in my opinion) he changed his point of view radically over time and that resulted in some serious discussions about serious issues here, yet one thing we both have in common is free speech. Not the freedom to say anything, but the freedom to disagree and try to be honest with each other.

And Stan, you are still my friend, just the way you are, and I won’t allow any differences in opinions to destroy that, no more than I would for my brother or father or half my friends and relatives. Same for you, Paul, although I don’t think you were ever mine.

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#18

Hi feaker,
I am digging this song.
I really like the melodic charm of this song.
And I am imagining a rock thing going towards the middle and to the end, really rock!!!
Beautiful song, I love this!!!
No BS!!!
Rene

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#19

[quote=“ReneAsologuitar, post:18, topic:6308”]
No BS!!!
You are so full of goodness. So glad you jumped on board here. Gave this place a real shot in the arm that it desperately needed. The world needs more like you :slight_smile:

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#20

Hi Paul,
The highway is a two-way lane, and multiples in fact, and you are in the middle of it all!!!
We are going to make it happen, between you and me, it is already 100 percent!!!
Love this!
With respect,
Rene

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