Appreciate a bash on a partial song I started yesterday

Appreciate a bash on a partial song I started yesterday
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#1

It might be a mutt, I don’t know. I have never been able to sound modern, and each time I think I have finally done it, reality strikes again. That doesn’t mean I will stop trying. I wanted to do a duet with the gal playing hard to get etc, The lyrics don’t mean much right now and don’t make sense. It’s just a way I can develop a melody line. I am singing F# to G through the verse and then trying to harmonize to that. Not sure if that works. I tried to make a more powerful chorus, but the second part loses the punch. I am not liking using the AKG 414 for vocals. It is very bright and picks up my computer noise big time.
Anyway, I was wondering what feel this has. It is out of the 60’s again, or???
It is only one minute with one verse and one chorus. I used the PRS with no effects thru the LA 610.

Up date I changed the chorus by using a C chord instead of a G as requested by Wicked.
update two. this song just didn’t take off. I thought I had some promise? I won’t shitcan it yet, but It isn’t doing anything for me at the moment…lame…haha

If you believe …sung f# to g in the melody line

You walked by I saw you wink I’m not impressed I bet you’re think I’m cra…zy for that (gal) D G D G A
why you got that angry face you’re mad I guess I’m in your space but maybe …you’re sad (guy)

if you believe in me I will I believe in you…I gotta lotta love to give you…got some hugs and kisses too AC
if you believe in me I will I believe in you … can you put your trust in me I’ll prove to you I’m what you need

Keep my cool just think this thru deep in my heart do I need you what should… I…do
She don’t know that I am nice I need some way to break the ice what should…. I…… do


#2

That’s actually some great clean tone! I gotta try that on mine now!! Thanks for the killer idea! I’ve only tried bass (and vocals obviously) through it.

Song is coming together great. In terms of sounding modern, I actually think those songs you did with some edgier vocals sounded pretty sweet. Either way, I don’t think it’s worth getting too hung up on being modern anyway. We’re in a no-rules time with music these days :yum:


#3

Yeah, I was surprised to get that tone I almost sounds like it has reverb also. I think that cuts thru the mix better as well. I turned that top gain up I think +5? If you went to 10 it has a distortion sound. Depends how hard you drive those tubes. Had the compressor set on 3. Might not even use it next time. Good luck experimenting :slight_smile:


#4

I think this song idea is good.

I’ll bet things would come together better on the chorus if you did this;

         D //////// A ///////////////    D ///////   A ///////             
If  you  believe in me,        I  will  believe  in  you






     Guitar 1              C  //////////       G  /////////        C ////////////  G  ///////////////

      Guitar 2             C //////////////////                                    G  ////////////////////
                        Forget   about   the   past ,    we  can   start  brand  new
                        B__ C    B__ C    B__ C          C__B        C__ B        G                                                     

The B__C - B__C , etc., is the vocal melody

You could use either Guitar idea # 1 or Guitar Idea #2 for the second half of your lines in the chorus.

Keep the first line exactly as you have it already.


#5

Wow, never had anyone ever give a suggestion like this before. Awesome, I can’t wait to try it.
I love taking off on a potential song and then changing the snot out of it. thanks so much bud

Paul


#6

I really like the first part of the song keep that as is though I think the chorus at 00:38 needs the melody to be a bit more lively, I think starting “I gotta lotta love…” a half step down from “if you believe in me…” makes it sound a little dark.

I’m going to think about this a bit more because the solution to this just escapes me right now, I think it has to do with that C, I’t really sounds interesting but I’m not sure it belongs in the key, not that it’s necessarily a problem, it’s just a matter of resolving it.


#7

Hey Paul - I like this… sounding cool!
Just a thought, when you do a new version, it can be cool to keep the previous version in the link so that we can compare. Loving the harmonies… my main thought is that as the song develops it feels a little ‘sluggish’ at times and I wondered about speeding it up a little??
Lovely hook for the ‘believe in me’ great tones coming through there too… definitely feels like a ‘keeper’… yay…

I’ve spent absolutely no time making music lately… just been drawing pictures and playing around with videos… so much to do, so little time… :wink:


#8

Hi Damian Yes, I was kinda excited about the start, then I didn’t know where to go with it. That doesn’t usually happen to me. Typically is only a few days to complete a song. I had played a G chord through there and that wasn’t workin either. I am writing some half assed lyrics as I go and need more words to bump it along. I will most likely change the lyrics a few more times yet. I will mess with some other possibilities this afternoon after I finish my honey do list,
thanks much for your comments


#9

Hi Emma I thought of leaving the other song up there but was afraid of using to much space on the forum. Yes I delete my emails daily. tee hee I had bumped up the speed a few bpm’s already, but it only takes a few seconds to do that again. It does drag on. As long as I have something to work on, I am a happy man. I might shit can it, you never know.
I was going to ask you AGAIN to sing the gal part, but not until I would see if it ended up to be decent or not. I asked Gracie and she said it sounded too old for her AGAIN :slight_smile:
I really like your last song. I was wondering how you were spending your time as of late, Been 90 here and thank goodness the garden is almost done. Giving away a lot of stuff.
Say Hi to Haden and thanks for the bash

Paul


#10

You’re fine. We have a lot more space on here now. :wink:


#11

I just listened to this. At first I just thought it was my song until I see the 21 seconds. I get it now. Let me know if there is anything I could do for you???


#12

OK Paul, I think I figured out what was bothering me, I was pretty tired yesterday and for some reason I convinced myself the song was in A when it’s really in D.

The bit that’s not clicking with me is the first note of the melody in the second line of each verse is an F (which is outside of the key of D), and there’s nothing wrong with that except that since you stray away from the D major scale for a bit the color changes a little and to me it sounds a too dark for the subject matter.

I played with the melody line a bit trying to keep sort of the same downward motion of the original and came up with this, I changed it from “f_e_d_c” to “b_g_e_d” which are notes that (except for the b) are found in both the F and D major scale.
Have a listen and tell me what you think, (Or just ignore it, that’s perfectly fine too! :smiley: )
BTW, I apologize in advance for mangling the words in the song, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for that. :blush:


#13

Excellent I think you should sing this…I like your voice :slight_smile: I am glad you sang this demo, because I was wondering exactly what where you were going with it. In the chorus I was staying in the A chord that whole first sequence and then the C chord for the I gotta lot…sequence. I think yours might really work well.
I have to do a couple quick chores (replace a washing machine bellow and run 110 to my drill press) and then I am going to hit the studio. If you ever want to get together on anything, let me know. I am not a very good lead guitar player, so my in between fill riffs are at best adequate. I feel blessed…ha ha


#14

The version you have up now sounds much better to me than the first one. Good job man!