If you need help, let me know.
Yes any help would be very much appreciated, although there’s only so much that can be done in writing. Maybe you could point out the phrasings that are the most awkward and suggest better ones? I plan on recording the vocals at the end of this week.
I just listened again, and actually heard a lot of what I was referring to again. You are a very good singer, and it is a great melody and song. I really would need to go through it line by line to properly help you. Maybe using a dictionary a little would help, in that it shows you where the emphasis is typically placed on multi-syllable words. You could try posting the lyrics and a track without the voice, but I don’t think I can sing in your range. If I was sitting there with you I think I could help. In general, what’s happening is that you are kind of fitting words into places that are slightly awkward. Your pronunciation is fine, it is just how it fits the structure of the vocal track. If you can think of any better way I can help I would be happy to try. Maybe send another scratch vocal track, and I can send you back how I hear it?