Anyone up for lyrics bashing? (with quick audio demo)

Anyone up for lyrics bashing? (with quick audio demo)
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#21

It’s not often I have to look up a new word. Thanks for making my day! (And good luck!)


#22

I smell a new @bozmillar Boz plugin…!


#23

Now, here’s the problem. I already started making this exact same plugin. But now that you guys started talking about it, I’m going to release it and everyone’s going to complain that they came up with the idea first. I was just about to release it tomorrow, but now I won’t.


#24

Oh wait, I just remember I have one of those.
wHisKEy

It only goes one way, however…


#25

:rofl:


#26

Your prosody is showing…


#27

It’s actually pretty common in French so I thought it might be in English too. It’s a convenient word for songwriters because it sums up everything they do (or strive for). A text can be beautiful by itself, as can a melody, but they might not combine into a good prosody. It is only when the text can be sung with the right flow, the right stresses and the right words-to-notes associations that the prosody is great, hence the song too.


#28

A crucial concept and I did not know there was a word for it! Not the first time I learned something about my own language from someone who speaks others… thanks @Lophophora!


#29

I, too, was flummoxed by that word. The only other time I have heard it used was a Jethro Tull song, “Prosody, You’re a Woman”.


#30

I, sir, am in complete agreement. From their responses I can conclude that both Sven and Loph have experienced vicissitudes that have elevated them to a lofty level.


#31

Thanks for the kind words, and I just learned a new word myself… flummoxed. :wink:


#32

So I am making progress at a terribly slow pace here, but I finally came up with revised lyrics (actually a native friend did) and a fuller instrumental demo. There are some missing parts in the music (most notably the solo parts in the middle), and vocals is just a demo take so I didn’t take the time to make them sit nicely in the mix.

I’d like to know if this makes sense to you? Especially the way I deliver the lyrics. Are there any “wrong” stresses, or poor pronunciation? I can already hear myself saying “barrowed” instead of borrowed, there’s probably more. Any help would be appreciated, I’d like to give it a “pro” touch eventually.


#33

This is coming along great man! Seriously! When you’re feeling comfortable with the tracks, let me know. This would potentially be a fun one for a mix contest on here!


#34

Wow that’s an exciting perspective. Will let you know then!

Nothing weird in my pronunciation? Obviously in the final mix the vocals will not stick out like they do here, but I’d like people to be able to make out the lyrics all the same.


#35

Very nice mellow music Lophophora, I like it a lot. I’m not hearing any pronunciation problems but you’d probably have to give us a lyric sheet and an isolated vocal track to be absolutely certain. Probably not necessary, and a lot of us massacre the language anyway.


#36

pronunciation sounds fine. I can barely even tell there’s an accent at all.


#37

Thanks a lot guys, your help is invaluable. I’ll come back when all the final tracks are laid down.


#38

Okay, first off this a very nice piece of music. I am only going to be hyper-critical because you asked. There are a number of words you are singing that are a touch awkward because of the accents on the syllables being in the wrong place. For instance, the word “anyone” generally would have emphasis on the first syllable, and your emphasis is more on the “y” before the “one” in the word. There is enough of this kind of thing going on to let me feel like you aren’t quite used to the language you are singing in, but it is still done well enough to be acceptable. The singing is great, but the pronounciation is a little clunky, although I don’t think most listeners would object. If I were your producer, I would go through it with you line by line and change the cadence to fit the words, instead of making the words fit the cadence. I hope that makes sense, because I love what you are doing except for trying to make words fit where they don’t to keep the cadence the way you are trying to. The same words would fit fine if you weren’t trying so hard to fit them in rhythmically. I hope that makes sense; it is really nice the way it is, but loosening up on the delivery of the lyrics would make the vocal match the flow of the song and make it more effective. If that doesn’t make sense, let me know. If I was trying to sing in another language I wouldn’t have a chance. There is just a small hint of the Beatles singing a hit in German here, but I don’t mean that to be negative.


#39

Thanks, that is exactly the kind of things I know aren’t quite right, but I wasn’t able to put my finger on the exact issues. The thing is, knowing it’s not quite right doesn’t help me in making it completely right… :grin:

I’m afraid I’ll have to stick to that kind of performance though, because I am not good enough a lyricist to make the appropriate changes, and the lyricist isn’t good enough a musician to get the words to better fit the music.


#40

There’s nothing wrong with the lyrics; it is just a matter of someone (producer), going through the song line by line and showing you how to phrase things. You are not that far off. Anyone trying to sound natural in a different language would need help. When I write songs with a vocalist, even in the same language, you have to tell them how to phrase things to make it coherent. It’s always about making the syllables and accents match the song properly. You are very close, anyone could help you sort this out in person.