Anybody want to be an Interstellar Fur Trader?

steban · July 28, 2017, 12:57am

I just posted Planet of Beautiful People Theme Song in Bash This Recording and got a lot of great advice. The 9th version is sounding pretty good!

I wrote and recorded that song last Sunday, based on the never made part 2 of a project that has been on hiatus since 2013 when Ingo Lee, Kim Christie and myself recorded a 25-minute sci-fi musical concept album. Alas, this is not what today’s ADD listeners are seeking, and it did not have a video, so I can understand not wanting to do it again. We probably got as many listeners as minutes in the song.

That said, Mink Stolen is a worthy listen and features a lovely song called Outer Space Is My Place sung by Kim. But this collab I seek is for the second episode in Tales of the Interstellar Fur Traders, Planet of Beautiful People. All of a sudden new songs are coming forth- 3 more today!

So my hope is this time to record more songs, 11 or 12, which focus on the plot, with smaller spoken word parts in between, sort of the opposite of last time.

Full artistic freedom encouraged. Here are the rough songs in order of play-

1- We Could Not Find It Anymore

2- Planet of Beautiful People Theme Song (in BTR)

3- No Turning Back Now

4- Nose Job

And these tentative titles and order to be written-
5- The Golden Age of the Silver Screen
6- So Polarized
7- We’ll Turn Back the Clock
8- When Push Comes to Fashion
9- Freedom Is Ugly
10- Planet of Beautiful People Orchestral Reprise
11- Planet Hollywood

Now I haven’t yet looked at anyone else’s collab needs, but this is a good example of what I bring to the table, and I’m willing to reciprocate as well.

I know this is plumb crazy, but please consider the honor of being an Interstellar Fur Trader, even for a single song!

Stan_Halen · July 28, 2017, 5:08am

It sounds interesting (no pun intended). I kind of like this Roxy Music-ish style (that’s what I’m calling it for now), but I don’t know if that’s in my wheelhouse of playing/performance. I’m kind of a hard rockish type, but definitely looking to expand my horizons into more ethereal music.

What types of instrument parts or players are you looking for? What do you see these collaborations looking like?

This is something I could be up for perhaps. I enjoy doing spoken word and storytelling. You heard my spoken word voiceover demo on BTR. I’m moving more into the cosmic/mystical realm on purpose, so maybe it would be a good fit.

P.S. - Do I have to wear a Davy Crockett cap?

steban · July 28, 2017, 10:12am

Hi Stan, I’m looking for a narrator voice, character voices, for sure! Last time on Mink Stolen I did almost all that, and I’d rather just write/cowrite the parts.

Background or lead vocals also are a possibility. That’s a lot of songs, and it would be fantastic to switch it up.

I love rock, so I’d love there to be harder parts. Nose Job is already a hard rock song that starts kind of easy. It is supposed to be the future, 2449, so we can throw in future sounding touches, which I think of as mainly trying to sound like unlikely fusions of all styles of music. I only do midi bass and guitar, so any real guitar, no matter how outrageous, could be a centerpiece of a song. I also use drums for songs, again, tilted in style to be dramatic and slightly unexpected but not too experimental that it isn’t accessible.

I want there to be a thematic feel to the whole thing, but especially in the smaller spoken parts. Maybe an orchestral cinematic style Peter and the Wolf-like.

My philosophy for collabs is to allow as much creative independence as possible. I am not qualified to micromanage other musicians who are most likely more skilled than I. That said, I like to write lyrics, and I can scrounge up music and melodies, but honestly I’m not a great arranger. Collabs never turn out the way I predict they will, but they invariably are much stronger. I intend to proceed on fleshing out and consolidating the ideas I already have, and we can make decisions along the way about the specifics.

You certainly ought to in the video! The Interstellar Fur Traders are good guys who are the heroes, always helping the little guy. So I’m going to try to set up a storyline that has a Star Trekky feel, not dystopian, and in keeping with the universe established in Mink Stolen where greedy corporations and governments are the arch nemeses.

When it is finished, I want it to sound as original and intelligently speculative as possible without introducing too much non-science. No ghosts in this one! That would be a quantum spooky episode for another day.

Stan_Halen · July 29, 2017, 12:53am

Cool.

I do sing, when I find something that fits my voice. I think I have a pretty good range, and can do softer singing, or rock or opera type belting. A big vocal influence for me was Rob Halford.

Oh, I can definitely do outrageous guitar. I really like the experimental and sci-fi format you have. Perhaps I can see the harder parts being somewhat reminiscent of Billy Thorpe’s Children of the Sun? Just a thought. I really like 70’s/80’s rock, so something retro sounding but future themed could be an interesting juxtaposition. Planet of Beautiful People already reminded me of Roxy Music which I really liked. Nose Job reminds me of the The Tubes a bit.

Yea for the good guys! And down with plutocracy! This sounds right up my alley.

ingolee · July 29, 2017, 6:31am

I’d like to contribute to this project Steban, you have some good tunes going there I think, and Stan can definitely add good things to this mix I’m sure. I like the open ended concept with the influences mentioned already; that’s a good approach for me anyway.

I’m a weak singer but I can add tracks from a number of styles and I’ve been working on orchestral stuff lately with admittedly mixed results, but I have some good VST’s that we can stick in there somewhere certainly, so let’s boldly go, to the . . . not dystopian? Yeah that works!

steban · July 29, 2017, 6:23pm

You are now enlisted, Stan! And your first role is narrator. I’m thinking to write this one from the captain’s point of view would be a lot of fun, so the narrator would be the leading man. I do not have any names made up yet, so if you have a name in mind, go for it!

My idea is to have this come off like a movie script with the not movie star starship captain finding himself immersed on this journey in the whole culture, with the show winners and handler and camera person. There are only two because of space requirements, and so the camera person operates nanodrone 3D camera/microphone units that operate in a semi-autonomous swarm to capture a scene from every possible angle (this is a token sci-fi device that I may have just invented).

Also, Stan, this is a different captain and ship from the Mink Stolen tale. I want to emphasize that the IFT are sort of a brotherhood or guild bound by a strong set of values centering on freedom, fair dealing, and fun for all. And in the tiny amount of physical interaction between all the colonies of Earth, they have played a central role, and thus set the standard of fair trade among them all over hundreds of years of space travel. Also, the radiation of the journey, although greatly mitigated by nano medicine, still limited the career of the IFT, which had an unexpected side effect of creating a fast growing population of veterans an all planets, which had brought their core values into the entire human civilization.

The cast of characters will not be large. The ships carry less than 100 people including a small crew. The rest is cargo. Outbound from Earth it is luxury items- jewelry, clothing, accessories, even furs. Inbound is memorabilia and official products for movies and characters stamped Made on Planet Hollywood, which somehow gives it all its value.

This would totally awesome, dude, and I do not use the word awesome frivolously.

Children of the Sun new mix

I really like the heavy handed panning, especially in the drum rolls and the synth sounds and the guitars. There is much to pay homage to in this one song. This could be our hard side, just when people were getting used to Roxy Music. I think I’ll try to write some lyrics for such a song today.

In my opinion, we could limit our range of styles to-
Orchestral
Roxy Music
Billy Thorpe
Miscellaneous Rock

And we could share some melodic themes between them. Imagine a COTS building from the previous Roxy Music riff into its Billy Thorpe riff and interpretation and extrapolation to at the very end devolve back into the Roxy hook. And vice versa even. If we can conjure a mystical connection between the various parts the entire piece will resonate with listeners more I think, and not be perceived as just an odd mishmash of songs.

In the meantime, if you get any wild haired epiphanies for a track on any of the songs I’ve shared, or a new base track for the big rock number, any cool captain name, lyrical bits, please go for it! The more the merrier! May the force be with you! Live and let prosper!

steban · July 29, 2017, 8:10pm

OK, here is the next song. It is verbose! But it tells the history from Hollywood to Planet Hollywood. It needs a grandly nostalgic anthemic rock thing. Of course, all editable, but I basically like it. To me, it seems like it could be the strongest song so far as ambitious rock goes. It even seems to me to have potential Roxy Musicky parts.

The Golden Age of the Silver Screen
By Steve Bancroft and Stan the Man

It all began so innocently
In the early twentieth century
In Hollywood, California

Moving images thrown on a silver screen
Inspired imaginations in ways never before seen
And beautiful faces of movie stars
Uncontrollably, irrevocably captured our hearts

It was the Golden Age of the Silver Screen
Made us laugh and cry and everything in between
With Lauren Bacall and Lucille Ball
Sofia Loren and Errol Flynn
And later Scarlett Johansson and even Ted Danson
In Three Men and a Baby or even the X-Men
It was the Golden Age of the Silver Screen
Made us laugh and cry and everything in between

And so it evolved in the first century
To thrive and transform to a new economy
Where fortune came from fame as the new currency
And the world was never to be the same again

Moving images thrown on a silver screen
Inspired imaginations in ways never before seen
And beautiful faces of movie stars
Uncontrollably, irrevocably captured our hearts

For a time after that as technology raged
Virtual actors everywhere dominated the stage
New classics with Bogart, Heston and Gable
A miracle of science and quite indistinguishable

And it seemed like the end of an era unequalled
And as often is the case for the fate of the sequel
There was a rebellion in the hearts of the masses of people
Saving salaries for actors as tickets sales dwindled

You can never completely turn back the clock
The digital recreations became AI star stock
Starring alongside new faces, fresh talents discovered
It was enough for the fans, and the industry recovered

It continued, it inculcated, its stars gained nobility
It surpassed celebrity, now bloodlines brought pedigree
And after hundreds of years of Hollywood royalty
Before the big one would come from the San Andreas Fault finally
The studios all merged and moved for good
Became a global operation called Planet Hollywood

It was the Golden Age of the Silver Screen
Made us laugh and cry and everything in between
With Doris Day and Danny Kaye
Jimmy Stewart and Marilyn
With superheroes and aliens
In Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men
It was the Golden Age of the Silver Screen
Made us laugh and cry and everything in between

Stan_Halen · July 30, 2017, 11:38pm

steban:

My idea is to have this come off like a movie script with the not movie star starship captain finding himself immersed on this journey in the whole culture, with the show winners and handler and camera person. There are only two because of space requirements, and so the camera person operates nanodrone 3D camera/microphone units that operate in a semi-autonomous swarm to capture a scene from every possible angle (this is a token sci-fi device that I may have just invented).

Also, Stan, this is a different captain and ship from the Mink Stolen tale. I want to emphasize that the IFT are sort of a brotherhood or guild bound by a strong set of values centering on freedom, fair dealing, and fun for all. And in the tiny amount of physical interaction between all the colonies of Earth, they have played a central role, and thus set the standard of fair trade among them all over hundreds of years of space travel. Also, the radiation of the journey, although greatly mitigated by nano medicine, still limited the career of the IFT, which had an unexpected side effect of creating a fast growing population of veterans an all planets, which had brought their core values into the entire human civilization.

This is a really interesting and inspiring (and entertaining) storyline. It seems to have some epic elements and ethical/moral constructs. A good start to turning it into musical adventures.

Since I’m not familiar with the Mink Stolen work (that I can recall, if you posted it on RR) some more backstory on that may be helpful. I may have already read a little bit that you posted, but the content is growing so much I’ll really have to absorb all this for some perspective. Is the Mink Stolen music posted on any website where I can listen to it?

Also, what is your vision for this project beyond fun and creativity? Any possibility to market/sell it for commercial purposes?

steban · July 31, 2017, 6:20am

This page links to the Google Playlist and also contains the words to Mink Stolen.

It also includes the original spoken word song Tales of the Interstellar Fur Traders which is the basis for Mink Stolen. The idea was to have more soundtrack music behind the spoken word as opposed to the epic poem with spacey swirly music in the background (all me!). So Ingo volunteered to go for it as he was more into that style of music, and enlisted Kim for vocals, and I wrote it and narrated. We all were at Audiopolis at the time.

Well, Stan, I dream but have no skill promoting it for any commercial purpose, but I suspect it could be of use for TV. I would gladly turn that job over to someone else. I would split any profit equally among us IFTs, a generous offer aside from the fact it will most likely never happen.

I actually have new lyrics for another two songs and the opening and ending spoken parts. No music, but I’m holding off on that. I’ll get that to you soon, dude.[quote=“Stan_Halen, post:8, topic:1640”]
This is a really interesting and inspiring (and entertaining) storyline. It seems to have some epic elements and ethical/moral constructs. A good start to turning it into musical adventures.
[/quote]

It is not a violent storyline, no raygun shootouts. This one is going to be political, with a special election, dirty tricks, fake newsy stuff climax. I’m still working on this part! What can one man do, even an Interstellar Fur Trader captain, to fix a rigged election?

Stan_Halen · July 31, 2017, 7:17am

Cool, thanks! The link to Mink Stolen audio on Ingo’s site doesn’t work in the Google doc, but I was able to track it down on an Audiopolis thread. Same link (except some caps) so I don’t know why one works and one doesn’t.

I just thought it would be good to have an understanding up front, in case some commercial uses did come forward.

Great, Hollywood has already run that into the ground anyway.

Blame it on Crooked Hillary?

steban · July 31, 2017, 8:39am

Why, Stan, I never thought of that!

In our story, it would be Crooked Teeth Hillary, who would rate a 4 at best on the planetary beauty rating index. And everybody has a status in the most beautiful polls. Hmmm, that sounds familiar, too…

Ailwyn · July 31, 2017, 8:40pm

I was there too…

Ailwyn · July 31, 2017, 8:56pm

Hi ya Steve… I’m in…

I’ll have a good listen over the weekend, finally download Reaper for a trial and try and have some fun with some bass lines! It’s just that I’m busy at work this week with very little spare time…

steban · July 31, 2017, 9:29pm

Alright! We need your bass, Ailwyn. There really isn’t any bass on anything yet, although sometimes I have some low notes. Plus, you already have a cool IFT name.

I like Reaper. Very stable. If you need any help, any questions, maybe I can help. You should be able to easily record your bass only while listening to the main track.

Now I wonder where Ingo is, if he is interested in any orchestral parts. I haven’t tried to contact him or Kim directly to see if they’re interested, but they should know about it.

PS: No word from cj. I’m wondering if he’s reading his AR messages…

steban · July 31, 2017, 10:23pm

Sorry, Ingo, I didn’t even see this until right now! You came through before in a huge way with the soundtrack and thematic arrangements, my friend. I’m just now writing the spoken parts, maybe over half way. At any rate, I hope to be able to mock up the entire lyrics by next week. We have four songs already with some music, and an idea as to Stan’s retro rock out big number, The Golden Age of the Silver Screen. I’m thinking the song Planet Hollywood will be kind of disco fusion funky space rock. And for the finale I can almost hear an orchestral version of Planet of Beautiful People, maybe with a big lead line on top as well as some futuristic sounds.

At any rate, that could get you started.

There will be one spoken part and one song during the tense climax, which end with the victory of the good guys. That would be cool to have the hard rock battling the Roxy with peaceful orchestral outcome.

If anyone has any melody lines, chord progs, vocal lines that we might want to include, please share or just keep in mind as you read over the words as they progress.

And thanks all!

Stan_Halen · August 1, 2017, 6:17am

Perhaps an understanding of how we will exchange files and song parts or ideas would be helpful? Especially if its multiple people. I have only collaborated one on one in the past, for all practical purposes (central contact). The DAW shouldn’t matter a whole lot, but I use Reaper.

I have to admit I have been a bit overwhelmed by all the material; the old stuff I wasn’t familiar with that this builds on, the new songs and lyrics and backstory, the new song tracks. Where do we start and what is the priority? It seems to beg for some kind of “project management” to corral it’s ambition into focused effort. What kind of timeline do you have in mind for cranking out tracks and trying to round out finished songs? Just questions that are coming up for me as I ponder what to do and what this looks like.[quote=“steban, post:15, topic:1640”]

There will be one spoken part and one song during the tense climax, which end with the victory of the good guys. That would be cool to have the hard rock battling the Roxy with peaceful orchestral outcome.

If anyone has any melody lines, chord progs, vocal lines that we might want to include, please share or just keep in mind as you read over the words as they progress.
[/quote]

Is this Forum the best place to do all that? It could work, but is it the best organized for a multiple track project? I assume you learned some things the first time around. I’m used to focusing on one song with one person, so it makes things a little easier.

Ailwyn · August 1, 2017, 12:47pm

Yes it would… Stan, this is a whole new adventure for me, and having never ventured into the world of home-recording I will need your advice too alongside Steve’s.

Onwards and upwards

steban · August 1, 2017, 6:01pm

Very good questions, Stan. I don’t think I have all the best answers either.

As to using this Forum, it has been a great place to begin, but I would think we do the file sharing outside it as we proceed. I have only used email in the past to share tracks out of the public eye, sending them as attachments. I’m saving as 320 mp3s. That seems fine to me for mixing. Wavs are so very large. It becomes more ‘band’-like with more people, so it begs the questions you pose.

With Mink Stolen, the three of us had very defined parts- I first had to write the words, which was the entire story. Kim’s song was done well after, as I was asked to come up with rather short lyrics, which I did. Then I gave to Kim and Ingo who were going to add the music. Ingo actually came up with the title and the chorus. I first heard it when it was completed, which didn’t take too long as I recall.

But the rest of the soundtrack music we left to Ingo to write, and we’d get parts at a time. Kim added her vocals to Ingo’s parts, and they probably had their own internal discussions. Meanwhile, I was recording my narrative parts, and I gave them to Ingo to mix. Then he gave to Kim to add her parts that mixed with mine. These phases didn’t happen overnight, so I waited it out as long as it took. The final stages when Ingo completed all the parts musically including Kim’s part and mine took a while, at least a month. He had a lot of minutes of composition and recording to do.

This time, I have seeded the project with a few songs with some space for more instruments or vocals, as well as lyrics only for the other songs (almost done) and the narrative interludes (again almost done). In my opinion, when I complete that, we all will have the rough draft of the ‘script’ and should all make comments on it- suggest edits, etc. We can all vote on the script, and we can list all the parts to be done compositionwise and see who wants to tackle what. For example, Golden Age. How much of that arrangement, performance and music do you personally want to do, Stan? Do you also want to be the lead singer? How fast will that one song take you to do it?

I’m thinking we all have real lives, so we aren’t expecting each other to be lickety split about it, and we’ll wait it out. The same with all the itemized unfinished parts. We’ll see who wants to take the lead on any of them, and then let them have at it.

Obvious to me is we need to bounce our ideas off each other in the process to learn our consensus on the direction we are going. After all, we have a ton of talent, and I am at best the leader as the main writer, but you all will be the meat in the end.

I’m not going to rush anyone. I’m trying to get the whole thing written soon, however, so we all can understand what all needs to be done, maybe get any feedback on that for any rewriting.

My email is bancroft.steve@gmail.com, my cell 281-948-4742. I’m in Texas.

So to sum it up, let’s all shoot for a few months, not weeks, not years! My birthday’s November 1, so that would be my fantasy completion date, hehe, but it would be a great Christmas present as well.

So, let’s continue to use this forum for now to keep us all in the loop. I think IRD won’t mind. And we’ll go private when we need to later. Sound reasonable?

steban · August 1, 2017, 8:59pm

Here is the entire ‘script’, including all the song lyrics, including notes on what needs doing. All the spoken parts need background soundtrack. We can consider this rough draft #1. I’ve cut out a couple songs that didn’t seem necessary for the plot. There may be one other spoken part needed, but I’m not sure about anything yet! I’m a little ahead of schedule. Is this helpful? Any comments?

Script
Planet of Beautiful People
Tales of the Interstellar Fur Traders
By The Interstellar Fur Traders

Orchestral Opening - instrumental, no music. Most likely futurized orchestral with a rock element to foreshadow our future elements.
(this evolves into the background music for the first spoken part)

Opening
Captain Bishop:
Captain’s Log 2449.11.17.1538.
This is Captain Axatar Bishop reporting from the bridge of the Starship Aphrodite, currently in spacedock at Space Station Major Tom. We are scheduled to depart in three days to Planet Hollywood. Our passengers this time are the two handlers and 30 winners of this reality show talent contest, the most successful and long running of all time in fact. Yes, that one. Normally we do this every year after the season finale, and it’s a cakewalk. These young men and women are going there to be movie stars and the like, so they’re a pretty fun group to be cramped up with for six months.

But this year, the 100th season, there had been a dramatic rule change where the contestants faces were disguised by nanomasks so that they could not be judged by their looks, just their talent. And tonight, live on television, the winners’ actual faces will be revealed to all. It’s supposed to break all ratings records, I should mention. Not much is known about Planet Hollywood as it is a closed society, with minimal immigration or tourism allowed outside these winners every year. There are actors, directors and producers, but all the supporting infrastructure is automated. However, rumor has it this change was quite a shake up among the powers that be, and the darker rumor is that someone in particular is very unhappy and would not mind if my ship ended up lost in space. I have no proof but am making extra security sweeps and deeper background checks, just in case.
Captain’s Log out.

Song #1- Planet of Beautiful People - done, needs bass, guitar?, background vocals

Planet of Beautiful People (repeat 2)

Only the best of the best
The beautifullest
Who pass every test
Who outdo the rest
Will earn our request
To be our next guest
To be one of ours
And live among our stars

They’re walking down streets
They’re in restaurants and bars
Their parties are glamorous
And since you are one of us
You’re invited of course

On the Planet
On the Planet of
Planet of Beautiful People (repeat 4) (repeat 7)

The celebrity life
Fairy tales come true
Everything you dreamed
Could happen to you
Our paparazzi is nice
Even in the spotlight
You have nothing to fear
At your next premiere

Only the best of the best
The beautifullest
Who pass every test
Who outdo the rest
Will earn our request
To be our next guest
To be one of ours
And live among our stars

On the
Planet of Beautiful People (repeat 7)

Charlton Taylor:
–The opening music of the reality show POBP season finale.
And good evening everyone, I’m Charlton Taylor, your host for the longest running and most popular reality TV show in history. Welcome to the finale for the 100th season of the Planet of Beautiful People!
–Crowd cheers.
Last week the top 50 contestants performed their hearts out, competing for a chance to migrate to Planet Hollywood and all that comes with it. You, the audience, have voted, and tonight your favorite 25 will be revealed as the winners. As you know, this is the first year we’ve used nanomasks to disguise the competitors so that they cannot be judged on their physical beauty. They will win based strictly on their talent.
So tweet your votes in now as voting is about to end, and we’ll be back to announce the first winners right after this message.

Captain Bishop:
Captain’s Log 2450.02.01.1701.
On board the Starship Aphrodite, the winners relax backstage, still being filmed for future outtakes.
Everybody strives to act naturally, but underneath they all are tense, not yet completely believing this could all be real, more likely the ship will hit a chunk of rock and kill them all.
They are unaware of the vague threat we had been warned about, and thankfully there is no indication it is real.
Captain’s Log out.

Song #2 No Turning Back Now - done, needs bass, guitar?, background vocals

Gazing across the vastness of space
My soul almost lost in the blackness, no trace
Unfathomable distances and times I see out there
What am I of all people doing out here?
What am I of all people doing out here?

But there’s no turning back now
I made my choice and here I am
No turning back now
I must stick to the plan

Everyone
Everyone has been so friendly
Some a little anxious like me
Maybe looking cool on the outside
But I know it’s skin deep

We know where we’re going
But do we really know why?
What will we do when we get there?
Will it make us laugh or cry?

But there’s no turning back now
We made our choice and here we are
No turning back
We’re on our way to the stars

But there’s no turning back now
We made our choice and here we are
So why would we turn back now
We’re going to be stars
We’re gonna be stars
We’re gonna be stars

No matter how wonderful, no matter how good
Despite all the gossip about Planet Hollywood
And all the whispered rumors flying around the town
You can’t be sure that what you heard is going to be found

But I’m sticking to my plan
Made my choice and here I am
No turning back now
Gonna be a star, baby, yes, I am
Gonna be a star, baby, yes, I am
Gonna be a star, baby, yes, I am
Gonna be a star, there’s no turning back
I’m gonna be a star

Captain Bishop:
Captain’s Log 2450.05.26.0800.
As the weeks go by, things settle down. The handlers have enough footage, and in the show friendships develop into post-show friendships.
Talk becomes more serious, and trust deeper, as our destination draws near.
Captain’s Log out.

Arrival
Captain Bishop:
Captain’s Log 2450.05.26.0800.
Despite all the fears of foul play, the six months flight completed with no incidents to report. This morning I have arranged for the winners and their luggage to be transferred to their new residences in New Beverly Hills. I was accompanying Gareth, who was probably the least beautiful male on the entire planet, not that I was a prize catch either, and I was slightly concerned he may not be instantly accepted. To my surprise, it seemed quite the opposite. Everyone, especially the women, seemed to be fawning all over him, even flirting.

That was when I spotted this one statuesque vixen strutting in our direction, and then she turned her head toward me, staring me in the eyes with eyes so lavender blue, and gave me this big smile, this big Alfred E. Neumann toothy smile, and I lost it.

Jax, the handler, whispered to me, “What do you think of Crooked Teeth Hillary?” And I had nothing to say except, “Why?” And that’s when he explained to me what had been going on here, that changed the contest to allow a Gareth to win. And the root of the fear that some sort of trouble could be in the making. Reverse plastic surgery, or in this case, orthodontics. It seemed that where everyone was so perfect, perfection had lost its power of attraction. Indeed, the exact opposite had evolved.

I was still recovering from the shock of the concept, however, when all that trouble we hadn’t experienced exploded around us. Someone caught a story on the news with video of Gareth and me in this room in real time. I saw no cameras, but they use swarm nanocams ubiquitously here. The caption said, “SCANDAL ON DAY ONE?” The video quickly flashed to the ship showing some compromising looking behavior heavily censored.

People started nervously checking their devices, and the warm reception quickly felt a lot colder. I felt bad for him, but more than that it just didn’t pass the smell test. He was being set up for something, I didn’t know what.

But the next story explained it all- “SPECIAL ELECTION CALLED FOR”.
It was political. And Gareth was the football.

And they were dragging my ship into the middle of it.
Captain’s Log out.

Song #3- We Could Not Find It Anymore - done, needs bass, guitar?, background vocals

We sailed unto a distant shore
The farthest reaches to explore
Looked everywhere, cracked every door
We could not find it anymore, anymore, anymore

It used to be right there, you see
Always found so easily
Like Easter eggs in tall grass hidden
For the benefit of smaller children

We could not find it anymore
Anywhere we looked before
No stone unturned, no reason for
We could not find it anymore, anymore, anymore, ooooooh

We looked in all the usual places
We only saw the same old faces
Nothing changed with no exception
Except perhaps our own perception

For years we lived with our confusion
Some claimed conspiracy and collusion
Some fought the facts with stark defiance
Others sought the truth with science

We could not find it anymore
Anywhere we looked before
No stone unturned, no reason for
We could not find it anymore, anymore, aaaaah

And so it was that in the end
We saw the answer was within
Invisible under close inspection
When looking in the wrong direction

We sailed unto a distant shore
The farthest reaches to explore
Looked everywhere, cracked every door
We could not find it anymore, anymore, anymore, anymore

Song #4- Nose Job - done, needs bass, guitar?, background vocals

My baby just got a nose job
Just the other day
She told me she was thinking about it
And it just wouldn’t go away
Whenever she looked in the mirror
She knew what she wanted to see
And she’s gone and done it now
And she sure stands out in a crowd

In a roomful of models
Defining perfection
Every aspect of attractiveness
On walkway exhibition
You see her, my baby, she leaps out
To the forefront in 3D, I suppose
Your focus helplessly riveted
On her marvelously enlarged nose

My baby just got a nose job
On her marvelously enlarged nose
On her marvelously enlarged nose
On her marvelously enlarged nose

It now has a crook
Maybe leans to the left
And at the point I believe
I see a delicate cleft
Although rosy is quite popular
Its coloration is quite normal
Like big ears slightly royal
Almost serious and formal

I couldn’t believe it
But I had to agree
Her nose was a hit
At the party
She was the woman
They all wanted to be
The center of attention
In a sea of beauty

My baby just got a nose job
Just the other day
She told me she was thinking about it
And it just wouldn’t go away
Whenever she looked in the mirror
She knew what she wanted to see
And she’s gone and done it now
And she sure stands out in a crowd

Captain Bishop:
Captain’s Log 2450.05.26.0800.
Everything was topsy turvy here. No wonder they always imported so many self help tapes and videos. Gareth should have become a superstar, the life of the party, but it was not meant to be. But there he was caught wanking off to his fellow male and female passengers in the shower on a hidden nanocam. He was the scum of the planet. We knew it was fake but had yet to find any proof. However, no matter how unsophisticated we looked, we constantly ran some pretty high tech security aboard, even if it included tracking down some errant nanocam to its source, and further, to its code source. It would be close, we were down in every poll, and though we were outwardly optimistic, inside we were sweating it out with the the election tomorrow.
Captain’s Log out.

Song #5- The Golden Age of the Silver Screen - has lyrics, no music. Musical style hard rock Children of the Sun.