Any ideas for different chorus words?

Any ideas for different chorus words?
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#1

I kinda like this song, but the chorus just doesn’t cut it. Love to hear a suggestion or two.

Sad eyes

I saw her sitting on a playground toy… staring off to the sea
I walked on over and caught her eye…. do you want some company
She said nothing and turned away…. not at all impressed with me

Sad eyes I wanna take away your pain
Sad eyes It doesn’t have to always rain

Her eyes were pretty but the pain was there …something that she had been through
I tried again but her head went down she whispered how do I know you
I said I’d like to talk to someone, maybe you, cuz I have been hurt too

Sad eyes I wanna take away your pain
Sad eyes It doesn’t have to always rain

She said do you like the sea (I saw a sparkle in her eye) do you wanna walk with me
I’z too excited to deny I’ll tell you my story I’ve been whispering to the sea


#2

Sad eyes, softer than the dew
Sad eyes, only seein’ blue

Sad eyes, clear as windowpane
Sad eyes, seein’ only rain

Sad eyes, is there nothin’ I can do
Sad eyes, now I feel it too

Sad eyes, I know you can’t explain
Sad eyes, let me try again


#3

She cries, a broken heart brings the clouds and rain

Not sure that it works in terms of timing. It was just a quick thought that came to mind. To break away from the limerick(ish) feeling that I was feeling.

In the second chorus I’d be tempted to make it completely different to help tell the story. My 2 cents.


#4

All good sir Lee I have been singing them all out trying to fit the space. If anything I might have to add a word here or there. I am starting a file and then decide. Kinda fun to get ideas from others. I never think thing thru…just sing on the fly Thanks

Paul


#5

Hey boss Just thinking of you today. I am going to ask if you would send me my password. You bailed me out last time there was a change and I never did know??ha ha

I changed yours just a bit to help it flow in that spot. She cries, a broken heart brings clouds and rain.

I like that I have to have a second line now and I agree that the last chorus should change up a bit.

Thanks much

Paul


#6

Hey Paul, first I would ask what is the ‘meaning’ behind the song. Is it a love song, that you threw some melancholy words around? A song about sadness and melancholy, framed with a love interest? Or is it about a sensitive person exploring their moods and their world, and maybe finding a kindred spirit?

You may remember, when you were doing the ‘bully’ song with one of your grandkids, I told you about HSP (Highly Sensitive People). So to me - and this is a really beautiful song already - it is saying “Sensitive Eyes”. Far be it from me to change your song title and turn the whole story on its head :blush:, but actually I think it just gives it more meaning and is not all that different. HSP’s are sometimes the type of person you are describing, deeply thoughtful and taking life’s disappointments very much to heart. And the story suggests to me one HSP finding another HSP under serendipitous circumstances. Great imagery with the sea also … as emotions are linked with water and suggest a depth of feeling.


#7

Hi Stan I guess most of my songs don’t have much meaning except how my mind tries to tell a story. This all started with me driving by a playground and saw a gal sitting on a horse rocker, hair flowing back, and looking out toward the sea. When I got home I just strummed the acoustic and started singing.
I go back sometimes and play some of my songs and am usually less than impressed. This song puts the image in my mind of this gal right off and I thought there might be more potential for the song if it stayed a little more interesting.
I don’t know, maybe I am overthinking it. If you knew me better, you would know that I am not capable of thinking at the next level. ha ha
Yes on the HSP. Finding another, yes. Thanks very much for your thoughts bud. I will be thinking of this as I do my drywall taping today :slight_smile:

Paul