Yeah for sure. Not just with music, but with most things I do. I think it’s a matter of projecting qualities onto other people that makes them better than me, and therefore makes me an imposter.
The example that stands out to me the most is when I first started at CMU in the Computer Science program. Most of the other students had taken CS classes in high school, or more advanced math classes or whatever. I had a very hard time catching up, and I almost quit. I imagined that everyone else was way smarter than me, and understood way more. At some point I started getting to know more of my fellow students, and working with them on group projects and whatnot. And sure, some of them were pretty freaking genius, but most of them were not. There were moments when I knew something they didn’t, or I figured out a problem quicker, or started getting better grades on tests. And it slowly dawned on me that I wasn’t an imposter after all. The same thing happens to me at work actually. I feel like an imposter there sometimes, because I imagine my coworkers to know way more than me. But sometimes I realize that they don’t, and that’s when I stop feeling like an imposter.
So for me it really has nothing to do with insecurity in my own abilities. I know what I’m capable of. It has everything to do with imagining that everyone around me is better than me, and a fear that they’ll find out that I don’t belong.
Great point Cristina! A significant part of all this isn’t so much about self, hence my skepticism of the self-doubt/low-self-esteem model (though again I’m not dismissing or invalidating that), it’s much more about identity as it relates to the group and group acceptance. This is a huge thing that people are not always aware of, because our primitive need for tribal belonging resides in the lower realms of the 3 brains: the reptilian brain, the mammalian brain, and the pre-frontal cortex where human sentience and cognition reside. Biologically and evolutionarily we’re still much like our primate cousins in terms of behavior, especially when it comes to the group/troup/tribe. The worst possible consequence of not fitting in to the group, not offering value and benefit, not getting acceptance, is banishment - and ultimately the isolation, vulnerability, and eventual starvation that comes with it.
You might dismiss such an idea in the modern society we live in, but it’s a very real subconscious fear that can grip you … likely without you even realizing it. It doesn’t have to be a rational fear, it’s genetically encoded (instinctive), and that’s why I say rationalizing it away probably isn’t the best approach in many cases. With fear, you usually need to confront it, and go through that growth cycle I described earlier.
Our society has become so focused on credentials, educational prerequisites, and achievement ladders, that it’s literally designed to get us to compare ourselves to each other. Not to mention the economic and status meters that put us in categories. That actually ties back to the primate troup and the tribe, where the pecking order was well defined by brute strength, ability to provide food, and ability to find mates. Our individualistic society rebels against pecking orders (though they’re still there), and yet our biology still drives us toward them (we now call them hierarchy’s and bureaucracies ). My point is that the further we get from biology, and the more complex our societal systems become, the more confusing the sense of belonging and social security is. So from that, the logical conclusion today is that if you don’t feel like an imposter (at least at times) there may be something wrong with you.
Yes, when you realize that most people are just in different sections of the same boat, it gets better, but also worse, when your brain surgeon is involved.
The key seems to be to find the area that your wiring works best in, and making the most of that. We could get into a long discussion of how society in general places perplexing values and stereotypes on all kinds of career paths, but that’s just the way it is until hunting and gathering is completely out of our DNA.
Imposter Syndrome related, some correlation as Gwyneth Paltrow is an actress turned CEO. I couldn’t find a video-only link so just open the article and play the video (under 3 minutes).
I sort of stopped feeling like an impostor when I realized that everybody was just making things up as they went along. There’s no such thing as “you’ve made it” or reaching an end goal. For pretty much everybody, there is a series of problems and their job is to tackle those problems in the best way they can.
It’s not so much that I’m not an impostor, it’s that everybody is an impostor.
Haha, yes totally this. I often admire people who have greater skill than me in whatever area. But instead of feeling good about myself when I reach their skill level, they just lose that special esteem in my eyes. “Eh, if I can do it, it must not be that impressive.”
I’d say I use my insecurities to fuel my creativity all the time. Of course, being the hobbyist that I am affords me the luxury of not having to compete for work, but there is still a desire to not look like a total fool!
Hidden in the Open by Steve Bancroft
Here’s a trick I want to show you
I think you’d want to see
I will disappear right before your eyes
From sight and memory
Alas, you won’t remember
And so every time we meet
It will be new to you again
My power of invisibility
I perform it often at parties
Where I’m sure to amaze the crowd
For a moment I capture their attention
Then forgotten before I have bowed
It works even better online than in person
Whatever the form of social interaction
I think that the limited time allocation
Precludes much unproven devotion
But I am not the only one
That you cannot see
There are many more out there
Cloaked in invisibility
And some have manifestos
And others rant and rave
And it really doesn’t matter
How badly they behave
Until they shoot someone
Or blow up a bomb
Or mail a white powder
To a Congressman
Now I’m just a hobbyist
Who has written many a song
Once we thought we’d sell them online
But they’ve been free all along
I think that the limited time allocation
For all acts of unknown appreciation
Is sadly the underlying reason
For after all, we’re only human
Still there is a sliver of a chance
That you may one day catch a glimpse
And hear a hook that you can’t ignore
And hum it to yourself in the grocery store
). My point is that the further we get from biology, and the more complex our societal systems become, the more confusing the sense of belonging and social security is. So from that, the logical conclusion today is that if you don’t feel like an imposter (at least at times) there may be something wrong with you. 
