Thanks for sharing that Bryan! I think it’s actually quite common. To some degree that impacted me too when I first started recording music way back. I had no vocal training when I got the Fostex X-15 and started writing and recording songs and recording covers. I’d only sing, or even do any of the recording really, when I was alone. It was much easier to focus, and to not have the fear of some judgement of the performance.
Fear of public speaking is a huge one for many people, right behind fear of falling to your death (I think). So to step up and make any progress on that one is huge for most people.
I figure part of the singing phobia has a lot to do with how public broadcasting and record company artists have featured so many great performers over the last ~100 years or so. It sets a high bar, and our fellow humans tend to judge anything that’s not up to the standards that their mind has been conditioned to accept as ‘professional’. This has even become entrenched with shows like American Idol and The Voice. If you try to sing, you’ll be judged and voted upon. Yuk!
In my experience working with a voice coach, I became very aware of all of this and learning to break through personal boundaries. Working with someone who understands the vocal challenges and insecurities, and who builds your confidence through progressive accomplishment, can make a huge difference.
Thanks for your insight Bryan! I can totally relate to it, because I felt the same way for years and years until the switch flipped for me.
Maybe it was affected by the fact that I do a LOT of public speaking, giving talks and seminars and so forth, in my work life. I’ve never been all that nervous about doing so, even early on, but in those days I would rehearse my talks extensively so that when the time came I felt completely familiar with my material. As the years have gone by I rarely have to do that anymore. The only time I do is when I am giving a talk at a meeting and there is a strict time limit (typically 10 to 12 minutes), so I practice a few times to make sure I get in under time.
All right, leave it to me to apply the tough love. Just belt that shit out and get over yourself. For every great singer you might needlessly compare yourself to I can name one that can’t sing that has made a career out of it.
If you want to sound trained and professional, it can be taught. Everyone here, however, has one huge advantage; we can record and sing our own stuff.
Delivery and conviction is what makes a great vocalist in my opinion. If you write a song that means something to you, there is no one who has a better grasp of how it should be delivered than you. You also know what keys you are most comfortable in, and can adjust the arrangement accordingly, so you are always in your wheelhouse. You can also comp a performance a phrase at a time, and mangle your voice until it is unrecognizable. With all that being said, if you are completely tone deaf, you can still write a song that works with your lack of ability. (BTO You Ain’t Seen Nothin Yet pops into my head immediately).
My suggestion to you is to go to Canada, get stoned to the bejeesus, and watch Joe Cocker sing With A Little Help From My Friends from Woodstock. In your smoke induced haze you will see spit, phlegm, tonsils and license plates come flying out of his mouth while he bares his soul and stomps on any resemblance of musicality to get his point across. Joe is gone now, but imagine how many people told him he couldn’t sing before the world loved him.
Just do it.
99.97% of the people you worry about when you sing don’t know what singing is.
Yes, “play to your strengths” might be another way to put it. Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen … I wouldn’t consider any of them trained or excellent vocalists, but they had delivery and conviction, as well as damn good songs - which helps a lot.
I do think even some degree of this can be helpful, if only to help alleviate inhibition and insecurities and allow your natural talent to emerge more easily. But then, sometimes a bottle of Jack can accomplish the same thing.
Have you thought about taking singing lessons? I’ll tell you this about singing lessons–they are incredibly fun. I find music lessons fun in general, but there’s something about singing lessons that causes me to laugh out loud regularly. I think it’s something to do with discovering the sounds that we’re capable of making. A sort of, “holy hell I didn’t know I could do THAT!” Lots of those kinds of moments. That environment might take a lot of the pressure off for you to get a good start at as well. You don’t have to mention your fear to your instructor, and keep in mind that they have definitely heard worse than you! And once you open your mouth and that first note comes out, it’ll all get easier after that.
It’s taken me a long time to get mostly-comfortable with singing in front of others. The thing I struggle with the most is trying out new things in front of people. It’s a bit too personal to share that process of creation. I think that singing is personal in general. It feels so very much like you. I get why it’s scary. And you may not think anyone else is missing out, but it sounds like you’re missing out. And I hope that if singing is something that you want to do, that you’ll do it sooner rather than later. And hey you’ve got a friendly audience here for when you’re ready!
You have a recording rig… just wire up a mic, recording yourself and then try and make yourself improve. When you hit a wall and exhaust your own resources, reach out and get some help. Its not like you have to sign up for a semester of it in college… just a few ‘masterclasses’ to help you gets started can go a LONG way.
I’m almost 100% certain I know what’s going on here. If you’re serious about doing this, you first step is going to be forcing yourself to accept what you sound like. I’ll explain:
This is a confidence issue connected with your perception of your instrumental competency. The fact you are capable of talking to a group of people implies you don’t have stage fright (as a neurological disorder) and if you play guitar infront of people it follows you’ve built a sufficient level of self-confidence in your overall musical aptitude.
I really think you don’t sing infront of people because you have no idea where your skill set stands and I think that’s normal. I think its reasonable, and I think its healthy. It merely means your expectations of yourself are properly balanced with that of the social system around you.
Your question needs to be: What is the first step I must take to achieve the confidence level required to do this. My answer is to go through stages of affirmation. Get affirmation that your voice is acceptable and not offensive. You need to start seeking that affirmation with the lowest-risk process you can. That process is setting up a mic and recording yourself singing anything. Force yourself to listen to it until you can accept what you sound like. You’ll hate it at first, but you’ll grow to accept it, you can’t deny it, and that mic won’t lie. Your first reaction will only be “I think I sound terrible”. You WILL hate it. That’s normal. The next question is what are you gonna do about it?
First you get used to it. Only after you’ve accepted what you sound like, will you be in a position to even begin making adjustments.
The reason its better to self-assess than to have your friends (even if they know what the hell they’re talking about) tell you that you sound OK, is because the problem is you. Not them. External affirmation is meaningless if you first use it as a crutch to not have to be honest with yourself. If you have internal confidence then DO NOT RECEIVE external affirmation, you have a different problem. But for now, I think getting comfortable and acquainted with your instrument by simply picking it up and starting to use it, is the first real step.
There are lots of “voice coach” videos on YouTube, which can give some ideas on how to practice on your own. Then, you can just sing along with a keyboard or recorded notes to work on your intonation (the thing most people struggle with). Start simple … “Mary had a Little Lamb” if that’s what it takes. From there, as I mentioned earlier, singing along with a karaoke track can be quite helpful. Just don’t get caught in the trap of trying to sing it just like the original. Make it your own, but try to be in tune with the music track. Practicing with the original song can help get started if necessary, and print lyrics off the internet to follow along with.
I don’t have a problem with people hearing recordings of my singing after I’ve edited them, but I absolutely hate singing in front of people, which sucks since my band has a show Saturday lol. Of course I have anxiety problems and I wouldn’t want to talk in front of people either, in fact that might even be worse.
I started singing in front of audiences at 16 years old but at first I was only singing backup vocals. At 18 years old I started singing lead vocals more often. I never had any objective proof that I could sing, but at that age (and beyond) I believed I was destined to be a rock star. Seriously though, I just believed I must be damn good because I was so obsessed with rock music and guitar playing and I had this crazy that idea that I was one of a kind. I’ve known a few other people that were like that also. Not all of them were good though. Fortunately it came fairly naturally for me, but as I said, there was zero reason to believe that I could actually sing. Maybe blind faith and youthful delusion helped me get out of my own way. It must sound like I was a confident guy…NOT AT ALL…I only had confidence in my musical ability…nothing else. I’m still definitely an introverted and shy guy…though you might not notice that shyness if you were talking with me. I hide it fairly well. I appear to be anything but shy when I’m performing …Also, I can be talkative in small group settings , but I’m still uncomfortable talking to audiences at gigs… . When I perform, I have an alter ego that appears confident, even cocky, yet I’m not like that offstage. It wouldn’t bother me if I was completely alone without any human contact for a long period…Man, that even sounds awesome to me! Quiet time!
The best advice I’d give you is to sing in private at first, then sing for one other person…Maybe, eventually when you’re ready, bring your guitar camping or to a quiet park to sing…When you go camping everyone will be doing their own thing and nobody will pay much attention, unless of course you’re all sitting around the camp fire at night and they want you to sing something for them…In that case, you need to drink some alcohol ! But the good thing about sitting around a campfire with your guitar is that others will very possibly join in singing with you…When you’re not singing alone it becomes easier…Matter of fact, joining a choir might be helpful if you feel it takes most of the attention off you…If you’re religious you can probably improve your vocal chops/ vocal confidence by practicing singing with the whole congregation…Christmas Eve would be a good time to try that out. You know you won’t bring any particular attention to yourself when you’re singing Christmas carols with your family and the rest of the congregation…and you could keep your face hidden in the lyric pages as you sing. No need for eye contact either, because you’ll be reading the lyrics.
Oh boy, I’ve been through the wringer multiple times with this one. While I’m a singer/songwriter…I’m VERY introverted. I’ve always sang when alone but in public is another story.
In my early 20’s when I was in bands I basically drank myself through performances. Not exactly ideal and regardless of how I thought it sounded…it did not flatter my voice!
Fast forward to around 2014. I was just bursting with new material and couldn’t stop the flow of songs if I tried. Well I didn’t try lol. But my immediate feeling anytime I’ve ever written a song has been “I need to share this!” Then the fear would come in.
Around that time a group I was in (nonmusical) started hosting an open mic at a local coffee shop…so I screwed up my courage and went for it. I thought my knees were going to buckle and that I was going to collapse in front of everyone there, but I pushed through it shaking violently. Nobody seemed to notice my nerves and a lot of the other musicians gave really promising feedback. I got used to it but still always have some pre-stage jitters no matter how used to it I get.
An old mentor of mine once told me that excitedness and anxiety are the same feeling experience through two different perspectives. Excitedness is an adrenaline like “high” about something I’m looking forward to through a positive lens. Anxiety is the same physiological sensation but filtered through a fearful or negative lens. This description has always stuck with me ever since and I often remind myself of this, because I have experienced times where I toggled between both feelings.
It’s a special type of vulnerability, putting yourself out there musically. My “on-ramp” was that for many years, I never had any original material. I was strictly a re-interpreter of the work of others. Fortunately, a lot of my favorite artists to cover are not well known, so listeners aren’t always familiar with the material, yet I had a great template (the original) to copy so it worked pretty well.
Once I started home recording in earnest back in '13, I started actually coming up with originals, taking advantage of the ability to quickly capture ideas and develop them. I could never remember anything I may have come up with from one day to the next before that…
But whether it’s performing original music, or public speaking, or exhibiting visual arts, those are the moments where we can feel like we’re working without a net, so when it works, it’s a great payoff!
I would suggest the toggling is because those two feelings are two sides of the same coin. It’s the challenger, or contender, archetype. The Hero’s Journey. Stepping up, stepping out of the crowd, asserting your individuality. The old ABC Wide World of Sports promo’s expressed it as “the thrill of victory … the agony of defeat.” You’re choosing to take a risk to grow as an individual. Which also means being judged by your peers. You want to do well and excel at your chosen craft, which is an adrenaline ride, but also fear failure from not reaching the goal. A lot of the fear is a social construction, hence the anxiety at being judged and potentially losing face or losing status in the defined group.
From what I understand, nearly all performers deal with this. Even very famous performers and ‘stars’ can suffer terribly. A few (can’t recall examples) literally can’t eat for hours or days ahead of a performance, and even throw up before going on. A few very rare examples don’t seem to suffer at all. I would assume they figured out some way to avoid the fear of judgment. Public speaking is similar I think. Many people are terrified of it, and will never even try it. I don’t know if they still force kids to do that in grade school, but I remember many a fellow student considered it a form of inhuman torture. For whatever reason, I pretty much enjoyed it and took the jitters in stride. Maybe that means I’m an “attention whore”.
Which could easily happen with an audience member or bystander recording it on their smellphone (smart+cell ) and posting it to YouTube. From what I understand, that’s completely legal and they don’t need your permission.
Well you mentioned the magic words with “The Hero’s Journey” actually…I was studying Joseph Campbell’s work during that period of life, as well as studying Carl Jung and meditating daily.
Hmm…you might have incidentally given me insight into how I can get my groove back lol. Thanks Stan, love the username btw!
You have to develop a switch you throw to get out of your own way. First in the process is to realize there are a lot of vocalists that get by on attitude.
For instance, nobody is signing up for the Mick Jagger vocal academy. I also think Leslie West is a great vocalist, as was Bon Scott. It all boils down to giving what is unique to you to your music.
You can name 50 singers you like for every truly trained vocalist. I can’t sing like Steve Perry, Robert Plant, Lady Gaga, or thousands of trained vocalists. What I can do is put my music across (within my limitations) to my best ability.
Flip your switch and sing the way you sing.
Right on, Bob! Funny, I would have swapped “vocalist” and “singer”, and said that someone who makes music with their voice like you and I do is a “vocalist”, whereas someone with real training and great pipes is a no-kiddin’ SINGER. In other words, anyone can vocalize, but few can really sing. But I can easily see it the other way too!
Totally agree about the attitude-- Jagger, Dylan, Hiatt, McMurtry, none of them has “a great voice” but they are so distinctive.
This right here. If you’re feeling what you’re singing, your audience will most likely get you.
So to step up and make any progress on that one is huge for most people.
Seriously though, I just believed I must be damn good because I was so obsessed with rock music and guitar playing and I had this crazy that idea that I was one of a kind. I’ve known a few other people that were like that also. Not all of them were good though. Fortunately it came fairly naturally for me, but as I said, there was zero reason to believe that I could actually sing. Maybe blind faith and youthful delusion helped me get out of my own way. It must sound like I was a confident guy…NOT AT ALL…I only had confidence in my musical ability…nothing else. I’m still definitely an introverted and shy guy…though you might not notice that shyness if you were talking with me. I hide it fairly well. I appear to be anything but shy when I’m performing 
…Also, I can be talkative in small group settings , but I’m still uncomfortable talking to audiences at gigs… 
. When I perform, I have an alter ego that appears confident, even cocky, yet I’m not like that offstage. It wouldn’t bother me if I was completely alone without any human contact for a long period…Man, that even sounds awesome to me! Quiet time!
But the good thing about sitting around a campfire with your guitar is that others will very possibly join in singing with you…When you’re not singing alone it becomes easier…Matter of fact, joining a choir might be helpful if you feel it takes most of the attention off you…If you’re religious you can probably improve your vocal chops/ vocal confidence by practicing singing with the whole congregation…Christmas Eve would be a good time to try that out. You know you won’t bring any particular attention to yourself when you’re singing Christmas carols with your family and the rest of the congregation…and you could keep your face hidden in the lyric pages as you sing. No need for eye contact either, because you’ll be reading the lyrics.
) and posting it to YouTube. From what I understand, that’s completely legal and they don’t need your permission.
