Congratulations, It's the Flu!

This is based on a true story. The nurse actually said that to us in the ER. It is not meant to minimize the gravity of our current situation- I sincerely hope we all survive this pandemic, which is unfortunately just beginning.

Congratulations, It’s the Flu by Steve Bancroft

We had a fine vacation with a mini family reunion
Watched the waves one day as we basked in the sun
And a day in Harry Potter World a week before they shut it down
It was spring break in Florida when we first arrived
Then the world went from normal to just staying alive

Our muscles ached from our walk in the park
Our skin glowed red from an hour without sunscreen
But you felt as if there was something more to be seen
So you bought a thermometer at the local Walgreen’s

And you were a degree too warm plus you had a little cough
Symptoms for many things, but something was surely off
You let me drive the whole way home as you slept in the back
And I knew that your body was under serious attack

What we had was not too bad
But the best we didn’t presume
Monday morning your doctor’s answering service
Told us to go to the emergency room

They greeted us in masks and gloves at the door
And immediately asked us what are you here for
We rattled off our symptoms
And they asked us a series of questions

Took our temperature, how are you feeling
Have you been traveling, where have you been
When we told them Universal Studios Orlando
They immediately let us in

To prevent any possible infections
We put on masks and rubber gloves to prevent contamination
And without any hesitation or deviation
Took us to a private room to remain in isolation

They said, first we’ll test for pneumonia and the flu
To rule out what most likely is ailing you
We’ll stick swabs up your noses and hope the results come back clean
We’ll look at your chests with a portable x-ray machine

And after four hours they told us, good news!
Congratulations! You have the flu!

She said, I never imagined saying that but it is true
Here’s a couple prescriptions, no cure but the best we can do
You’ll feel sick for a week or more, now go home and rest
And avoiding all socializing would of course be best

Congratulations, it’s the flu!
It’s great to know what’s ailing you
Is not the coronavirus after all
It’s just the flu, and for that we’re truly very thankful

The trip to the grocery store could not be helped
Never in my life had I seen no toilet paper on the shelf
It was spring break vacation when we departed
Now it looks like the pandemic has fully started

I was beginning to feel congested too
But I thought, congratulations, it’s the flu!

Congratulations Steban, I’m very happy that you were not infected with Covid and I appreciate you sharing your epic story with us. It is indeed a story for our times and it’s good that you shared it here, I hope everyone at least reads the lyrics.

My series of journal entries from the last 2 months resembles a doomsday science fiction thriller. Maybe it’s time to start the screenplay, assuming Hollywood will survive.


Thank you for the reviews! I’m from the Los Angeles area; went on a cruise that started in Florida, that ended up as far as Aruba, Curacao, and Bonaire (where I got a painful jellyfish sting while snorkeling; there are red streaks on my arm & thigh over 2 months later) and Disney World (crawling with people) in Florida during the first half of January. A month later, things were getting crazy on cruise ships; we got lucky on the timing. Is that real slap guitar or sampled? I like the sound. Everything sounds quite good instrumentally. There is often a fine line with humor, though I think it is good to maintain some humor during difficult times. My wife and I act as silly as usual, as do some of my coworkers, even though my department (engineering) are all pretty much working from home now. I would also think this song of yours was at least somewhat cathartic. Your singing is fine. Nice synths. Not sure if the acoustic guitar is real? Nice song/close call! Congratulations! :slight_smile: