Sexy is what I’m thinkin. ha ha Great guitar sounds man:) singer awesome. It’s got it all.
Sincerely
Paul
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This is really cool Dave! Yes, I completely understand the ‘story’, and it’s a good one. I have always liked socio-political musical commentary.
I think V2 is sounding great. I really like how you have the different guitar parts (front/back) and general riffiness, and the guitar soloing is awesome for this IMO. I’m really enjoying hearing you “rock it out”!
The thing that jumped out at me first thing was summed up nicely by Andrew:
It sounded to me like the drums, guitars, and vocals were all on a slightly different tempo/beat/groove or something, at least in a few places. I’m being nitpicky about it, but just to let you know what I’m hearing. The guitars sometimes rush the beat compared to the drums, and the vocal phrasing sounds kind of like [mentally] “this syllable should go right here” rather than the gut-bucket bluesiness I’m getting from the vibe of the song.
I do like the slow tempo of the drums, and a little rushing/lagging the beat in terms of groove is sometimes just what is needed to help tell the story. Rushing the beat can give a sense of urgency or aggressiveness, so it may be appropriate on some of your vocal phrases to convey anxiety or alarm. Lagging can give a laid-back, hesitant, or resistant quality, like going into a verse where the story says you need to take action but the lyrics are indicating you are feeling otherwise. I would just offer this for you to contemplate in terms of learning from your own performance, being more conscious of it in your playing and singing, and then making it so intuitive or instinctual that you don’t even have to ‘think’ about it any more. No pressure. 
[quote=“Chordwainer, post:17, topic:655, full:true”]I will absolutely consider re-tracking to modify the phrasing, although my goal on this piece is very different from on Love Songs Left-- I am trying to get across a sense of urgency, a few steps this side of panic. For this number I kinda wish I had a much raspier, more hoarse voice, it would fit the material. That’s why I dosed up the vox with as much saturation as I have.
In my re-listens I will think of how it could be re-phrased, and if I can find something that works I’ll give it a try…
[/quote]
Yeah, I think you could push the emotion a bit more. Get the intensity from engaging the emotion into your voice, and not so much on thinking about raspy or hoarse, or using DAW saturation. Your voice is good on this, it just comes across as the lyrics are more angry than the sound of the voice. Pretend Trump just canceled one of your Mars/asteroid landers that would unravel the geological secrets of the solar system, and how frustrating that would be. 
Something that came to me while listening was that Genesis - I Can’t Dance might be a suitable reference vocal track, at least in terms of vocal delivery. Maybe even other aspects of the song. His range of emotion may seem subtle at first, but you can really hear his wailing vs. contemplating ‘voices’, and everything in between.
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Wow, so many great comments! Thanks to you all. I’ve just put v3 in the OP.
First, I re-did the vocals completely. Similarly to Love Songs Left, I’d recorded them before the instrumentation was completely done, and I’ve made the effort to impart a better vibe to the performance. Not a bar fight Patrick @ptalbot, but definitely more into the feeling, I believe. Once again, Andrew @ColdRoomStudio’s suggestion was right on the money for that (and as seconded by @Stan_Halen and others) . I don’t think I’ll ever be able to scream a vocal, but I did try to inject more disgust into my delivery.
I also dialed back the high freqs on the lead guitar per JJ’s @Jon-Jon’s suggestion.
And I did some microsurgery on the first thirty seconds, pursuant to Eric’s @redworks comment. Sounds much cleaner now at the start.
I also had a look at the fx within AD2 on the cymbals per Patrick’s comment. Mind you, issues with cymbals are all up in the freq range where my hearing sucks, so it’s a bit hit and miss (and yes Patrick, I see what you did there!), but I think the adjustments made at least a slight improvement on that.
Finally, I changed just a couple of words in the last verse, which seemed to go better with the feeling of the song.
Thanks again for all the attention on this one! 
Eric, thank you for your kind words, that means a lot to me! 
Me too!! This is 100% in the box, with me doing one part at a time and using MIDI drums, so it’s never been performed live by anyone. I would love to hear a blues band play this tune…
Stan, I hope my microsurgeries helped with this… things definitely sound more groovy to me now.
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To me it sounds better mate ! 
I don’t want to tell you how to make music ! Would be so hypocritical, but I do feel that arangement wise its still kind of overly bussy ! Don’t get me wrong, I like a lot of melodic movement, but I think maybe trying to do a little less here and there can do wonders to this. Cause the riffs and all are good to me, but now it sort of feels like the guitars are all just doing there own thing. Maybe try to let them have more of a conversation or something. Leave a gap in one guitar where the other is doing a lick, and visa versa. Chords could fall together, but then you could let one of them do inversions or something. I think it can be done without changing the original Idea.
just my humble opinion ofcourse 
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Yeah, I’m always currious, how my stuff ands up sounding live or on rehearsals
I understand what you mean Jelle, and it’s a good suggestion. The song is now at the point where I can live with for a bit and listen for these kinds of more subtle adjustments to make. I will keep this idea in mind as I listen over the next couple days and see what I can see.
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Don’t be scared to put aside complete tracks and sort of recompose them. i’ve had some great results myself doing that. Sometimes even making completely different riffs Not my suggestion here though 
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Wow! With V3 you went from “almost Phil Collins” territory to “near Doyle Bramhall II” (Arc Angels) territory. Excellent!
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Sounding better and the overall song is great. I would probably go tighter but i am obsessive about timing so take it with a grain of salt.
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One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from this group over the past few years (FYI, many of us come from another forum that just went out of existence and we know each other pretty well) is to set aside elements of songs or mixes if that’s what’s best. Easy to get really attached to one’s own stuff, so that’s a key concept. I have no qualms at all about abandoning something if need be, starting over, etc. Very comfortable doing that when necessary. 
OK, going to go look them up, haven’t heard of them…! Glad you like the new version @Stan_Halen!
I hear ya, but I really do want this to be ragged and jagged… but those first 30 seconds really did need work. There is still one spot in that second rhythm guitar bit that comes in where one “chunka” is juuuuuust a bit off, so I might tweak that still.
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I know what you mean. Sometimes you realy don’t want to abandone a riff, but also not be happy with it how it sticks in the song. those dilemas Grrr
But then you do, and lots of times are so happy you did, afterwards.
Oh man, I think this is HUUUGE in defining your sound on this song ( pardon the irony), your Doyle Bramhall thing could define this song so well.
(bashing ver. 3)
You’ve come a long way Dave, great song and great performances too.
But…
It’s swimming in mud mate. 300Hz, 400Hz - up to 800Hz. It’s got so much mud it’s making me panicky.
Also too much 150Hz(ish). And 2kHz(ish).
It needs a lot taking out, not just a tweak.
It’s also lacking a bit in the subs.
Other than that…well done!
edit: I forgot, the snare is not good. It sounds like one of those synthetic jobbies from 80s drum machines. Have you got something a bit more realistic?
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AAAAAAAAA JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ!!! Yeah!!! So very glad to see you here! Now it really feels like the gang’s all here. 
Many thanks for the listen, I will dig in to those freqs. I do always try to not have that problem, but as you know from long experience, it’s been my achilles heel from the start.
Thanks for the encouragement-- you have had no small hand in my getting better at this stuff. Stay tuned!
No worries. I had a bit of a tweak of it myself. I can send it to you if you like. Or post it here. Or not.
I’m sure I have plenty of choices inside AD2, probably have about 12-15 different snare models built in (plus I’ve bought a couple add-ons). This one is just part of the kit that I chose for this tune, a Sonor Designer model.
Delighted to have your sharp ears trained on this one. I want it to be ready to go before next Friday-- Inauguration Day…
Any way you like mate, bring it on. 
Hey Adrian! Great to see you here!
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OK here goes. After taking out so much I had to limit it to get it back to your original -9.1 LUFS. Then I had to add a de-esser to compensate for the hissy stuff. Heh, there’s only so much you can do with a two track, but you should be able to get much better results in the DAW.
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